Secrets
My Story
This is my story. I will start by telling you that my story is not that pretty and it is harsh. It starts with me deciding that I wanted to be friends with my ex, with the hopes of winning him back. He called me one day over the summer just before freshman year, he asked if I was down to hang out and maybe do more. I said yes, which I later regretted. So we met at an abandoned house and talked for a while, then we started to kiss and remove clothing. He had me pinned to the floor and asked if I was ready I wanted to say no, I wanted to shake my head push him off me but I froze and he took that as a yes. Even when I put my hands on his chest trying to stop him he kept going, he finished and left me there. I got dressed and was too ashamed and scared to tell anyone so I kept my mouth shut. For years I kept that secret, I started having nightmares and was constantly afraid. I hated being touched and felt scared every time someone was interested in dating me. I felt like it was going to happen again. I finally let someone else in my life and I wanted to please him so I gave him whatever he wanted even if I didn’t want it. This includes sexual stuff, I started letting stuff happen to me without saying a word. Still having nightmares of my ex I just pushed it down and allowed this guy to continue using me. I finally had enough after 3 years of his bull, we broke up but I still allowed all of my ex’s use me. The guy after him was a single father. We dated for a little bit before he got me drunk down by the river and took advantage of me. I finally called it off when he tried to put me in the middle of his baby momma drama. After him I again let guys use me for whatever they wanted, I allowed myself to be used for sex again. I allowed myself to be taken advantage of yet again. I have spent so much time and energy allowing this to consume me. I am now living my life no longer allowing guys to take what they want. I lost so much just cause I let myself think I had no self-worth, I let myself think I was worthless, I let myself think that no one would ever love me. I know now that you have to love yourself before you can allow anyone to love you. I do not take anyone bull anymore, I do not allow anyone to take advantage of me anymore. I have spent many years letting that happen and I no longer will deal with that bull. I am a woman, we are powerful. I have learned to love myself, I know my worth. I know what I want in life and I know I am done playing games with these boys and allowing them to take what they want. This story may make many people think less of me but I honestly stopped caring what people think and what they want. I tell this story because I want to get it off my chest and want to let others who have gone through or are going through a similar situation. I want to let them know that it is ok and that they are not alone.
By Maria Johnson5 years ago in Confessions
Words
Words... The very thing that can destroy communities can also bring peace to the world. I’ve decided to contribute to the latter. My goal is to create thought provoking or motivating material to help guide or uplift anyone that need some inspiration. I don’t consider myself an expert in anything because my personal beliefs are, we are forever students. We never cease to stop learning while we are here in this life.
By Monet Graham5 years ago in Confessions
All My Angels
All my angels whispered to me in the dawn of life, “It is time, child.” And it was. It was time to admit to myself what I already knew. It was time to admit that I had been taken advantage of by the man that was supposed to be my dad. It was obvious to me from how I held my body. As if a great challenge, it was a horror to look in the mirror. This was the burden I had carried for more than 20 years. The burden that I was scarred, bruised from head to toe, so very little to offer the big, wide world.
By Faith De Young5 years ago in Confessions
BE IN THE MOOD FOR GOOD FOOD
I don’t like to cook. But every now and then there are times when I have fun in the kitchen. Okay. Okay. I must admit one thing. Only love can inspire something like this out of me. But what’s great is that I’m cooking from the soul.
By Beautiful Intelligence5 years ago in Confessions
The Perks of Being a Know-It-All
Recently someone asked the question, "What do you know that you are pretending not to know?" Well, where to begin! I have always known things. I knew what my Christmas presents were going to be, and I knew when something was wrong (even if my parents insisted things were fine), and I knew how to calm down each of my 13 siblings.
By Rebecca Hansen5 years ago in Confessions
The moment I lost my son
There's a moment in every woman's life that getting pregnant is such a long awaited joy. Then you have females like myself who always said that marriage and kids are for another kind of person. I had so much against getting pregnant and even just dedicating my life to another person before I lived my life. Be careful what you wish for, the Universe/God, may just give you exactly what you ask for.
By Chitquitita Harden5 years ago in Confessions
Living With Two Pathological Liars, I Learned to Distinguish the Truth
There is a taint of death, a flavor of mortality in lie. My roommates in college (where I took journalism courses in writing, reporting, and editing) spent their time backbiting and intriguing against each other. I breathed an air of plotting and slander during the first couple of days in their company and detested the two girls heartily.
By Olya Aman5 years ago in Confessions
Turns Out I'm a Little Bent
A visit to the eye doctor had me laughing! I was there for yet another type of eye test. This is the fourth or fifth visit. I've lost track, the doctor just can't figure out what is wrong with my eye. The lovely technician looking at photos of the veins in my eyes says,
By Carolyn F. Chryst5 years ago in Confessions
Coming Out of the Closet as a Naturist
For long enough, I could remember, I wasn't really self-conscious about my body until I reach the age of 30. I was the keep-fit type throughout my youth, going to the gym and generally happy with the body I had. I wasn't the show-off type at the gym, flexing muscles in the mirror as a female walks by.
By Paul-Anthony5 years ago in Confessions
Guilt Condemned Me to Sleeplessness
Here is the mind, suffering from insomnia, not dead, and yet not alive. I suffered from sleeplessness and profound distress. My life hung limply over my shoulders, my eyes were red with reading and exhaustion, my face was wet with tears of desperation.
By Olya Aman5 years ago in Confessions
