Growing Up Means Learning How to Be Lonely

In my opinion, loneliness in adulthood doesn’t come from having no one, but from being asked to carry too many things on our own. Life changes slowly, not through big events, but through routines that get heavier and distances that grow without us noticing. Friends who were once easy to meet now have to fit into schedules, responsibilities, and their own exhaustion. It’s not that they don’t care—life is simply asking too much from everyone, including ourselves.

Adulthood also changes the way we tell our stories. Many things end up being kept inside, not because there’s no one willing to listen, but because we’re afraid of being seen as weak. Talking about work sounds like complaining. Talking about money feels ungrateful. Talking about being tired of life often seems excessive. So we choose silence and try to calm ourselves, even when it doesn’t always work. Sometimes I sit in the living room, staring at the clock, thinking, “Does everyone feel this too, or is it just me?”

Loneliness shows itself most clearly in the small moments of everyday life. Coming home from work and sitting alone, opening the phone without purpose, scrolling through notifications that bring nothing meaningful. The living room light is dim, the TV is on but only as background noise, and the night air feels heavier because of the quiet. Social media is full of noise, yet it rarely gives space to be truly heard. I’ve thought it must be normal, but it still presses on the chest.

In friendships, loneliness doesn’t come from conflict but from change. Friends get married, move to different cities, or become absorbed in their own worlds. We are genuinely happy for them, yet at the same time we have to learn that not everyone can walk alongside us forever. I remember my birthday last year. A few messages came through short chats, a few friends waited for the right time to write. Many remembered, yet there was still a void that words couldn’t explain. It felt like sitting in a room full of people but still being alone in my own head.

Adulthood also means facing responsibilities that aren’t always visible to others. Bills, work, relationships, and the small decisions that need to be made every day can feel overwhelming. Everyone is busy keeping their life in order, and we must keep ourselves in order as well. It feels exhausting, yet we keep going. Sometimes I ask myself, “Do we really have to go through all of this alone?” But then I realize, perhaps this is just what adulthood is: learning to endure, even when it feels lonely.

In my opinion, loneliness in adulthood is not a sign of failure. It’s part of the process of growing up. Life keeps moving even when our emotions aren’t neatly sorted. We still wake up, still go to work, still joke when needed, all while carrying many things quietly in our minds. And maybe, being an adult means learning to live with loneliness without constantly trying to fight it. Sometimes, accepting that no one asked how your day was today doesn’t mean you’re truly alone. It means you’re learning to understand yourself.

If today you feel lonely for no clear reason, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Perhaps you’re simply in a phase of life that demands more strength than before. And that’s okay. Even amidst loneliness, there’s still room to grow, to smile, and to keep moving forward, slowly but surely. Growing up is lonely, yes, but it’s also one of the ways we learn to stand on our own, to be strong even when fragile, and to live fully with all the feelings we carry inside.