humor
"Humor is what binds humans together and makes difficult times just a little less painful; Sometimes you can't help but laugh. "
The Merlot Magic Baby!
In a dimly lit corner at a trendy new jazz club called "The Castle," both Lance and Gwen were enjoying the music and each other’s company on their first date. “I’m so glad you suggested this place Lance. I love the music and the atmosphere” said Gwen with a bright smile on her pretty face. “I’m so glad you’re enjoying The Castle Gwen, and that you said yes when I finally asked you out. I was afraid you were more into Arthur than you were into me.” said a relieved Lance. “Oh no Lance. He’s just a guy I have to work with. I’m so glad you got up the courage to ask me out. I heard you were pretty courageous” she said. “I try to be Gwen. I also like trying new things and heard that this place serves a magical Merlot. Would you like to try some?” said Lance with enthusiastic hope in his eyes. “I’d love some Lance” she said. “Great! Excuse me waiter. Can we please have a bottle of your magical Merlot for the table?” he said.
By Yona Vaughan 5 years ago in Humans
The One With the Intoxicated Neighbor
About a year ago, I found the perfect home for me. It was a bit of a fixer upper on the inside, but the outside amenities were wonderful. It had a fenced in yard, perfect for my three dogs and the cat who occasionally slips out the door. There was a covered deck out back for me to hang all sorts of plants. It even had a garage! The best part, however, was that it was being offered as a mortgage at a fairly reasonable price. I could be a homeowner.
By Amber Dawn5 years ago in Humans
Treasure or Terror?
Hi, my name is Mary, and I am a thrift-shop-aholic. This was not supposed to happen today. This lamp was not supposed to be sitting in my room, but it is. These little creepy lamp kids were not supposed to be staring at me, but they are. Am I mad about it? Not at all. Will I regret it if they stab me with their whittled little arms in the middle of the night? Most likely, yes, but that's ok!
By Mary Driver5 years ago in Humans
A Date with the Dark
There was a dark shadow behind her in the bathroom mirror. Again. The real estate agent had warned Cassie that the house was haunted, but it was such a good deal she couldn’t pass it up. There was a whirlpool tub in the master bath, walk-in closets everywhere, a lovely kitchen backsplash, and a wine cellar. A freaking wine cellar. What was wrong with a little haunting if she could have her house stocked with her favorite Merlot at all times?
By Lauren Triola5 years ago in Humans
The father’s promise
The temperature feels just right in the house. Cool enough to wear a light hoodie, but warm enough to still wear shorts. It seems like a strange combination; it feels so comfortable. “Are you just going to sit there and doze off all day?” She says. “I will because my hoodie feels phenomenal” I say. “Spell phenomenal,” she says. “Baby you're just mad because our daughter didn’t make you a mommy edition hoodie that looks this fly” I say. A small smile starts to form across her face. I get up and hug her from behind, wrapping my arms around her waist pulling her closer. I lightly kiss her on the cheek and softly continue down her neck. Her breath becomes shallow. “Baby don’t start, I have to finish dinner for your daughter. You know she loves her noodles anime style with chicken and vegetables floating in the bowl with the broth and the noodles.” She says. “So now she’s my daughter when she’s reppin’ anime, but she’s your daughter when she’s designing clothes and doing gymnastics” I say. “Yes, she’s Tamera Washington’s daughter when she’s designing clothes and doing gymnastics. She is Eli Washington’s daughter when she’s with all that nerd stuff.” She says, with a comical grin across her face. “So you didn’t find it cute when she would be running through the house with arms out like Naruto.” She tilts her head at me and turns one of the eyes on the stove off. “Okay, I did find it funny when she told family members, she’s attending U.A. in the fall.” She says. “So you’ve been watching anime behind my back, how could you?” I say. I move my fingertip slowly down my cheek and make sniffing noises. She laughs and lets out a snort. I don't know what it is, but weirdly enough I love when she snorts. I remember when she did it on our first date, she was so embarrassed that she covered her mouth and stared at me like a child who just swore in church. The moment of reminiscing is cut short by an open and closed door, followed with hurried footsteps up the stairs. A concerned look washes over Tamera’s face as she sets the pot on a low simmer, “Wait let me talk to her, Skylar is probably upset about that school business fair” I say. “I've been telling you we should just switch her back to homeschool again. She’s been having nothing but problems at that school. First, they say her style is too urban, then they say she’s too outspoken” she says sarcastically. If anything, her outspokenness comes from her mother, I don’t care what anyone says but she mastered that attitude from her mom. “Okay, let’s give her a couple hours to just calm down and decompress” A few hours roll by and she still hasn’t come out of her room yet. Tamera walks back and forth from the bedroom to the kitchen; I wait in the living room. She comes and taps my arm “Eli I’m worried about her, since when has she never felt like eating” she says. “Maybe she’s also tired of your cooking” I say. Tamera practically shoots lasers at me with those brown eyes of hers. Just then I hear a door creak open. Skylar walks down the stairs with a face so long that you might just trip over. “Hey Sky, how was your day baby?” Tamera says. “It was alright,” Skylar says. Tamera sighs and fixes Skylar a plate. Skylar carries her plate up to her room. Tamera plops down on the couch next to me. I open my arms without saying a word, she leans into me silently and curls up like a cat in the cold. “I hate when she gets like that,” Tamera says. “Yeah, she can be very melancholic sometimes.” I say. I miss the days where we could just give her some juice and just turn on cartoons to help perk her up. Those were the simple days, beside from changing her diaper and having to feed her. I had to fight that little girl tooth and nail when it came to mealtime. Sometimes she would enjoy the food and start crying when I put it up, and I would always give her a second and third serving. Then she would throw up all over me. Tamera hated it when I would over feed Skylar, but I couldn’t say no to those little eyes of hers. Back then if she looked at me in the right way, I would have robbed a bank for her. Sometimes she wouldn’t like the food. I would hover the spoon like airplane and say “This is daddy airlines, permission to land” while shaping my hand like a com. She would try to knock the spoon down like King Kong.
By William Thomas5 years ago in Humans
The Devil You Know
Julian Prythe was not a man to be reckoned with. Or that was how all the rumors went, though I wasn't one to believe the mill of old gossips over in accounting. I was just that girl who worked in the inter-campus delivery for mail and briefs. It seemed as innovatively minded as Prythe claimed to be that he couldn't even get a proper messenger system for the college he oversaw. What, was he a conspiracy theorist who thought all the tech giants were tracking him through his smartphone?
By Jillian Spiridon5 years ago in Humans
A Girl Can Dream, Right?
It didn’t feel real at all. I just couldn’t believe it was happening. I have no idea how we met, but he was in my phone as “William Cute Boy.” He was texting me about how excited he was about our date that night. I had completely forgotten about our plans, but luckily I hadn’t made any new ones. “Shit,” I thought, “I don’t even remember what this guy looks like!” I texted him, “What should I wear?” and he responded, immediately, “Don’t worry about it.” I frowned looking down at my phone. “What the hell do you mean by that?” I thought.
By Diana R. Jones5 years ago in Humans
Lexie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Date
The alarm sounds at exactly 6 am in much the way that good alarm clocks do when set by someone with misplaced optimism the night before, unapologetic and nauseatingly cheerful. Lexie groans and gropes blindly in the clock's direction, trying to stop the horrendously happy binging. It’s supposed to be reminiscent of a magical sunrise, but she suspects that sadistic monks wrote this delightful piece of musical torture.
By Christina Blanchette5 years ago in Humans
