humor

"Humor is what binds humans together and makes difficult times just a little less painful; Sometimes you can't help but laugh. "

Why are One Way signs on the highway a thing?
No, seriously... if there are people out there that need a One Way sign on the on-ramp to a highway, we are officially doomed as a society. And I'm not talking about a Wrong Way sign. I get it, sometimes it's dark, your significant other is bickering at you for not following (her) their directions and you need that bright red Wrong Way to keep you on the right side of the road. But for the love of god, if there has ever come a point in your life where you are trying to merge onto a highway and are unsure about which way to drive UNTIL you see a sign pointing you in the proper direction, please get your license revoked.
By Michael Martinek5 years ago in Humans
How the Tooth Fairy Failed me.
In 2000, my tooth had been so loose but refused to come out. It was driving my entire family nuts watching me play with it with my tongue. My grandma offered me candy if I allowed them to take it out, I refused. My mother offered to take me to the gas station for treats, I refused. My aunt would allow me to stay with my baby cousin, Jayla, for the whole weekend. Nope. I enjoyed playing with it too much. Finally, it was pushed so far out that my mother overruled my decision. She tied a string from an old shirt to my tooth, tied it to a door, and snatched it out. (Don't worry, I didn't feel a thing. Please don't accuse my mother of abuse!) I was happy! The tooth fairy would be paying me a visit. I kept my tooth in my pocket, placed it underneath my pillow once I got home, and slept through the night.
By Sierra Ginae.5 years ago in Humans
Girls Bathroom Club
I’d say hear me about but you currently have to in order to judge this piece. It is a meme, it is the truth but drunk girls in the bathroom are how women should be to each other all the time. Supportive, helpful, loving (I think you get the gist). To be honest I am the least empathetic person in the world, however, place me drunk in the girls bathroom and I become a motivational speaker on the level of Opera (just no free cars but rather free gum). Drunk girls in the bathroom is the utopia of a world where men don’t exist. Please do not get me wrong I don’t hate men, this is not a slandering of the male race but rather a reforming of the place.
By Kirstie Dinning5 years ago in Humans
Interview at the Zoo
One of the most universal situations people feel compelled to fit in is during a job interview. You’re basically auditioning in front of strangers for a position in a company. In this particular instance, I’d landed two interviews back to back and was extremely excited and confident in my abilities. I went in anticipating the usual routine, but I can assure you that is not what I encountered.
By Jae-lin Mitchell5 years ago in Humans
Quite The Let Down
“Alright Bub, time to get this party started!” Four months postpartum, engorged, and barely able to function in society due to an exhaustion unlike anything I had previously known, I popped Addy on my hip and headed up the steep gravel driveway. Beyond the house I could hear an uproar of partygoers having a wonderful time and started to feel anxious about diving back into such a rowdy social setting. It was Memorial Day, but that wasn’t the only cause for celebration, it was also a friends’ son’s tenth birthday. As I walked into the back yard of a house I had never visited before I noticed the bounce house – an indication that I was, in fact, at the right place – and I started off on a quest to find a familiar face.
By Sarah E Bussey5 years ago in Humans
An Orange Piece Out of Place
High school seemed forever ago to me now, but it doesn’t change the fact that it was both a setting and a catalyst for my changing identity in the years inside. It’s what grown ups have said time and time again where I took into account now in hindsight: “you keep discovering things about yourself at that age.” In comparison, I find myself to believe more in the fact that I have a solid identity compared to then where
By Guije5 years ago in Humans
People May Not Want to Read What I Want to Say
Yes, that title is correct and before you say anything, yes, I did read the rules and regulations and any fine print and white ink. Hear me out before you adjourn with, "This girl's lost the whole damn plot!". I started out on Vocal as someone who hadn't spent a day of her life doing voluntary writing. I started because of an ad detailing the Goodbye Donald writing competition and as a young Canadian who shows the same level and attitude of engagement in US politics as I did Schitt's Creek (great show, FYI), I definitely wanted to share my two cents. I continued writing on Vocal because I enjoyed having incentivized prompts to inspire me to write (for pretense: I am a giant science nerd, sadly not the biggest free-flowing, creative mind). I wanted to start finding something I like to write about that I can really get into. For the past few weeks, I took a break from checking out stories and thinking up ideas for my internet literature because I decided to talk to humans (I know, yikes). To make matters worse, not even humans I know, just humans around me: coffee-drinkers, subway-surfers, puddle-hoppers, grocery-shoppers, the whole funky bunch. Now for anyone who knows me, I'm not one to initiate random conversation; I've never been the one who got to know the mail man or who had a regular barista or even the one who said the cheeky "hey, how you doing?" to the people boarding the same elevator as me. I'm the one with the earbuds damn near stapled to my ears with a constant stream of music playing until I reach my destination, find a familiar face, or am interrupted by someone who is the aforementioned random conversation initiator.
By Arya5 years ago in Humans
A Tale of Two Sittings
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…. My friend, being of a few economic classes higher than myself, moves in such circles that occasional tickets to large scale events are mysteriously forthcoming. He, a gentleman and a scholar, will at times furnish these tickets upon friends and family when such an action confers him some social advantage.
By Argumentative Penguin5 years ago in Humans
Legal Alien in Southern California (Part 3)
I started to get to know my host family more during the orientation. Rick owns an air conditioner business and the wife has a lot of health problems so she stayed home most of the time.
By icyflows5 years ago in Humans
Drunken Walrus Aerobics
I’m a big girl. I always have been. This fact was really driven home for me when I had to be rescued by emergency services, after managing to wedge my fat ass between two boulders while playing at age ten, because I couldn’t crawl my way back out through the opening.
By Megan Oliver5 years ago in Humans
I put the ice cream in the oven
When I was younger, around 8 or 9 years old, I wanted to learn how to make this ice cream that my mom had bought for me. I had just moved to Arizona from Haiti and I didn't know jack squat about America, let alone the various flavors of this well-known frozen dessert. And yes I've had ice cream prior to my move but it was rare and it was a different country...I don't know what else to tell you.
By Madame D5 years ago in Humans
Pool Day
Later it would be known as the hottest July 4th on record. On that day, the public pool was filled to the brim with every variation of suburban kid. I just wanted to fit in. But my mother made sure I was slathered with zinc oxide; my flowered bathing cap was securely clipped under my chin and my JC Penney bathing suit was properly fitted.
By Patti Hodder5 years ago in Humans