humor
"Humor is what binds humans together and makes difficult times just a little less painful; Sometimes you can't help but laugh. "
The Tale of Water and Melon
There once was a time when a first grader decided to spontaneously rename me. During my student teaching this little boy seemed to feel a rivalry with me. He was never disrespectful, but he always seemed to feel the urge to outdo me. It was almost like he saw me as an older sibling to surpass. Honestly, it was humorous. It wasn’t something that occurred every day.
By Jessica C.4 years ago in Humans
The Simple Man Meets Mr.Brown
On the day in which I was scheduled to meet Mr.Brown, I showed up at his office earlier enough to meet the young lady he had just met. We exchanged small talk and friendly smiles but she did make me feel uneasy. I was excited to be considered but before my meeting, I could not shake the feeling that I had already met the winner of the competition. The thought faded as I sat in the small but aesthetically pleasing waiting room of Mr. Brown's office. As I waited my thoughts rewind to my positive day at the office. The job of a toy salesman or my job is quite simple and consists of meetings with clients, prospects, and partners in which we discuss products, places, and prices. That's what I am up to day after day. There are several different individuals and different products but the essence of the job is the same and simple. Again I say the job is simple but the individuals I work with are not. Right now, at work, I'm in the process of assisting a 9-year-old CEO who developed an excellent version of slime, patent the recipe, and now we are aggressively bringing the product to market. It was interesting to know a young man elite and advanced in the ways of business, but being with him seemed like being with any other child I've known of his age. Just then Mr. Brown swung upon his door and with a loud energetic voice, he greeted me. I jumped to my feet to shake his hand, I was excited to learn who Mr. Brown was, and what he wanted with me. He began to speak to me... loudly. I'll paraphrase everything for the reader as you'll thank me later when you discover how wordy and long-winded Mr. Brown can be. Mr. Brown told me of his lengthy research in physchology, history, and religion. He spoke with such passion for his love of these fields of study. He also said his desire for accumulating all this knowledge originally was to understand man, society, and government to give the insights to make all three better. He then lowered his voice for the first time and came close to me. He seemed much less large than life at this point in the conversation. He spoke calmly when he told me that he had become lost in academics and that knowledge had made him cynical. He told me that the complexieties of study made him lost, out of touch, and unable to give his readers what they needed most... THE TRUTH.
By Elijah Davis4 years ago in Humans
I Think I Might be the Grinch
“Why the hell do they have Christmas trees on display in September?” That may have been my first hint. The look on the face of the store employee who had absolutely no control over what goes in the aisles, but was convinced she was talking to a complete lunatic, was the second.
By Cathy holmes4 years ago in Humans
HOW MUCH DO EARRINGS WEIGH?
Whether it’s an appointment at the doctor’s office, your turn at the Weight Watcher scale, or your day in the privacy of your own home to get on that scale, you’re going to do everything in your power to make sure that the numbers that show up are as low as possible. You’ve taken your diuretic and have peed 8 times in the last 5 hours. If you are at the doctor’s office or weight loss group, you’ve taken off every stitch of clothing possible that won’t get you arrested for indecent exposure. You are left wearing light- weight shorts, a tank top, and flip-flops (since they instituted that pesky rule no longer allowing you to remove your shoes), regardless of the snow, rain, or freezing temperatures outside. If you’re home, you are completely naked, as you place one foot on the scale, while holding onto the doorknob. Then the next foot goes on as you slowly let go of that doorknob and look down. You see that it’s 4 oz over your last weight. What can you do about it? You try repositioning the scale. Three times. When that doesn’t budge the numbers, you think about what else you can do. Well, you are still wearing your watch; you are still wearing your glasses, and is that a tiny pressure on your bladder? You remove your watch, your glasses, and you go to the bathroom one more time, but before you step on the scale again, you remember the earrings. How much could earrings possibly weigh? It doesn’t matter. They must weigh something, so off they come. You step on the scale one more time. Success! 5 oz gone. You’ve lost weight!
By Joan Gershman4 years ago in Humans
Dying to Know
Call me morbid. When my oldest daughter was little, we used to go for walks through a cemetery in our neighborhood. But I wasn't some ghoulish creature of the night with a fetish for death. We live in a city and the cemetery was one of the largest green spaces within walking distance. The big shade trees and cool stone markers offered respite on hot days. I'd often see people sitting under the branches of the elms, or leaning against the cool of a crypt contemplating life and the end of it.
By Vivian R McInerny4 years ago in Humans
The Battle of the Dawn
A new Saturday dawned as the sun rose over the Tennessee farmland until it reached Scattersville road and crept into the windows of our new townhome. I was fifteen going on grown, and waking up under the same roof as my two best friends, Brandy and Stephen, was the epitome of joy. Added to the absence of my younger brother, and this made for an ideal way to start the weekend. I loosened my waist-length, Pentecostal hair from its messy bun atop my head and swirled my locks into a fresh messy bun as I made my way down the stairs.
By Brittany Shelby-Phillips4 years ago in Humans
Werewolf vs Vampire
Okay, it's not like a physical competition but a would you rather? The week of Halloween (which is busy as hell for me and why I was NOT on my computer much), the radio station that I listen to had the question Would you rather date a werewolf or a vampire and you have to pick one?
By Tuesday Daily4 years ago in Humans
Things I always wanted to say at Parents' Evening
My name is Gary and I was a teacher. Phew! There. That was difficult. I was a teacher for 19 years and there were parts of the job I loved, like filling in data, bowing down to senior leaders younger than most of my shoes, writing reports, Sports Day, pointless meetings. Oh, and the marking. God, I loved the marking.
By Gary De Cloedt4 years ago in Humans
EEKSQUEEK MCGEEKBEEK
Not so many years ago, my son Caleb and his wife Robin were talking about the hockey draft, which was a usual conversation in their home. Caleb has been a hockey fan his entire life. He told Robin, that an up and coming Hockey player from Ireland, Eeksqueek McGeekbeek was being drafted by the Minnesota Wild. As Robin was looking skeptical, Caleb then said that the players Gaelic name is Aacksquake McGaakbake. Can you imagine? Still the suspicious look, so he then mentioned the Hawaiian football draft players Jahlani Tavai, Solo Vaipulu, Eperone Moananu, all linebackers and Troy Aumua Polamalu, a strong safety.
By Denise E Lindquist4 years ago in Humans
