Life Without Feeling

Despite his many riches, Tony White, the man who lived in a glamourous mansion and owned several sports cars was an often shy and nervous man. He had almost gotten bankrupt 3 or 4 times before becoming a millionaire, now he could finally live comfortably but the constant stress had left a toll on the now 55 year old, who felt like his best years were behind him. He was finally in a position where he had hired people to essentially run his company for him, yet the old man still felt incredibly nervous at concerts or in densely public places like the shopping malls or busy city streets. He hated his constant anxiety, no amount of therapy or legal drugs ever fixed his social issues, only certain substances like alcohol and marijuana ever seemed to calm the man down. He hated his own existence, the constant guilt from the shady deals he had made, the pains of aging and worries that screamed within his mind was both mental and physical torture. Tony often had panic attacks, felt ill and suffered from insomnia throughout his whole life. He wanted to enjoy his life, oh how he tried so hard, especially nowadays now that he was so rich and successful, he only ever felt at ease at home. Yet he still wanted to go out more and see the world, but boats, planes (especially planes!) and fast cars always terrified the man. So after years and years of suffering in silence, Tony with his rich bank account and financial power decided to finally do something about it. He invested money into research that stripped away human anxiety completely! No longer would he second guess his decisions, no longer would he dread his choices or wonder if his mistakes would haunt him. He wouldn't feel afraid to fight if people insulted him, Tony could finally enjoy a crowded rock concert without worrying too much about getting roughed up by the maddening crowds. It took many months but eventually a cure for anxiety was made, sure there were already medications people took to subdue anxiety for a short period of time, but Tony demanded a permanent effect that eliminated this emotion entirely. The scientists warned him, that although anxiety is an awful feeling, it is what has kept us alive this long. That without it, we wouldn't make smart decisions or think about the dangers of certain situations. Yet Tony hated his personal anxieties so much, he saw no negatives in discarding such an inconvenience. So with that said, he was soon administered with the vaccine that would delete anxiety from his mind entirely.

Soon enough, Tony felt rejuvenated! For the first time in his entire life he felt no worries! It was a miracle. He went to more rock concerts and explored the world very often. Tony began doing extreme sports, ones that were especially dangerous for a man his age, like sky diving, bungee jumping and para-sailing, these were things he never had the guts to do until after he got the anxiety cure. The whole time he never felt intimidated by the huge heights or near death experiences. He enjoyed these adventures, but could not help but feel a little unsatisfied as other people who joined in on these activities felt intense relief after surviving such feats of madness, without having anxiety at all, Tony was missing out on these sensations. He told himself life was better without those worries over and over again, never quite believing it. The truth that he had traded in a part of his humanity for confidence was something he didn't want to admit. Tony so desperately wanted to be the tough, cool guy he admired in all of those Hollywood movies. The cowboy with nerves of steel, the greaser who got all the ladies. He never wanted to feel like the preppy nerd who was too afraid of the world, finally he could play the gangster he always wanted to be, straight out of those classic crime films about 1930s mafias. Unfortunately, Tony pushed himself way too far during a mountain climbing exhibition, everyone including his wife and kids had said he was too old for this, but Tony without the sense of worry, ignored them entirely. Despite no longer having anxiety, Tony still felt tremendous pain and any other person would've realised that living to the extreme in this way was far too dangerous and would stop. Yet Tony had lost a little bit of intelligence when ridding anxiety from his emotions, as he saw no harm in going back to his extreme ways the moment he was healed. However the agony wouldn't go away, it had given him a permanent back ache, which triggered any time he lent back too far or forwards. Soon not having anxiety wasn't enough, he didn't want to feel pain anymore either! So just like with his anxiety cure, Tony ordered scientists to begin a cure for pain. They tried to warn him a second time, that feeling pain is a necessity for survival! It tells us if we're on the verge of death, or if our bodies have reached their limits. Ignoring such a basic human impulse would be truly disastrous! Yet Tony didn't care, he would scream that he was rich and powerful, a man so special he could live without pain if he so chooses. So with that, the vaccine that eliminated pain entirely, was invented within that very same month.

Now that Tony felt no more pain or anxiety of any kind, he was unstoppable, at least mentally. He'd walk up right and run freely, although his back cried out for rest, Tony had no idea as his senses were blocked. He never felt the strains in his muscles, the stomach pain from eating nothing but junk food (he had gotten much fatter and older looking from his poor diet) or the throbbing pain from his many bruises and cuts. One time he sliced off his whole finger while chopping vegetables in the kitchen, he hadn't even noticed until his wife began screaming in terror as he wandered into the living room with running blood dripping all over the floor. When she pointed this out, he didn't even panic, he just laughed! Like it was some big joke, "silly old me!" He grinned as she rushed him to the hospital. They stitched his finger back on and the mad man didn't even need to be put to sleep. Tony felt nothing when they stitched back together his finger, the sight of blood didn't make him squirm or feel faint, he just laughed. The doctors were confused, Tony didn't act like any normal patient they had ever performed on before. He was completely calm and unfazed by the whole situation. One day Tony's back did break out on him, so he could no longer walk. Despite having no anxiety, Tony hated being pushed around in a wheelchair, so soon he got in touch with scientists to make him some robotic legs, all so he could walk again. Again, they warned him that Tony had only gotten into this situation because he had switched off his pain senses, which is what led to him eventually breaking his back. His loved ones begged him to stop experimenting on himself, for he was becoming less and less human with every "update" as he had come to call it. Yet, Tony was a man who always got his wish. Soon his lower body was replaced entirely with robotics, effectively making him the very first human cyborg!

For a time, Tony White became famous. Everyone wanted to know the man who chose to amputate himself to own synthetic legs, some were furious with the millionaire; arguing that there were people who actually needed those legs far more than he ever did. Again, due to his removal of anxiety and pain, Tony White felt no guilt for what he did. In fact, many thought the man seemed almost robotic in personality too. For this was his third "upgrade" as he began calling these installments, that only got more and more dehumanising as they went on. Soon Tony would replace his stomach with an electronic system so that he didn't need to use the toilet anymore, he hated sleeping too, so injected himself with implants that gave him energy not off caffeine but from electricity, turning himself into a human battery that never had to sleep or rest, only recharge himself by plugging a wire from his artificial belly button into the wall, just like a phone charger. His family hated what Tony had become and the mad man himself, or more accurately "Cyborg" felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. In the end it wasn't just anxiety and pain that he had lost, without needing to eat or drink, he lost the taste for good food, he no longer needed love as his body temperature never felt cold or urged for human affection. Somewhere down the line he lost all emotions. Even the good ones like joy and pride. He had an ego for a long time though, one that pushed him into improving himself more and more through multiple vaccines and cybernetics, but eventually that was lost too. He began speaking in simple sentences, his American southern accent gone too, he became very blunt and completely inhuman, like some android out of a sci-fi movie that never quite felt fully human or real. That is what Tony White had become, a man so rich and powerful he dared to live without the worst factors of the human condition, but in doing so, he became a mechanical monster straight out of his darkest nightmares.