Word of the Day: 蔦

I love the whimsicalness in my life right now. The hardships haven't disappeared but, I think sugar does help the medicine go down.

I drew many stars on my TODO list the other day though so I know... it is concerning.. It just shows my desperation, right? I gambled too much. That is why I am just returning to my usual thing now. I have to go back to "work".

But I am going to wait until I get my coffee to start up any of that. I am debating whether to go get weed too just to put oil on the gears but... mmm.. yea it is kind of a self punishment for so many stars the other day to reframe from that.

I kind of... want to have weed to see someone in the Ether. It isn't needed, we don't need drugs or alcohol to do this, but I am very weak right now so, I can't really do it myself at this point. I just have a curiosity. I like their human form, would I like their spiritual form too?

I am a little afraid to know. It would feel like a betrayal right now if it went bad. And I don't want to mess up anything right now. I need to go back to seeking stability right now since this week will be chaotic all by itself without me doing anything outlandish.

Unfortunately I don't know the name of this kind of spirit.... that kind of comes in like a poisonous fumes. It has no form in the Ether and sort of reaches only at the boundary of physical assimilation, but one person had this, and it affected me so badly.

Yes, some people will say " That was just you acting stupidly. " But it was premediated in the Ether. The Etheric formation was quickly actualized in the 3D. Most of the time, "prophecy" or "premonishing" usually takes time to manifest. So.. it seems like very much "intent" if you were to give it a word.

The voices of spirits are also not as clear lately in my mind. I am embarrassed to say this. It has been going on for like... mm 4-5 days? Even admitting this makes me feel very vulnerable, but I also think it is just I haven't had enough calories for my brain to function optimally. But I needed to empty myself to remove the bad stuff so, I don't think this is a permanent thing. Just makes me feel lonely.

I guess it is like spirit guides, yes? They... oh, I see, they want to be seen, not felt. I have been avoiding seeing anything. I have been choosing to live blindly. So maybe that is why the Ether is appearing blank to me, it is being more infused with the 3D lately, and since I don't have my eyes, I can't see what I need to see. The little girl in me is afraid to see.

Oh.. I even prevented myself from channeling lately. Oh, weird, why I am controlling so much? This is my story, I can channel if I want to, but I am holding back... why?

Ah, I forget that the Djinn still exists... He is very powerful and pure, but pure doesn't mean good, it just means " the truest form "

No, he isn't my god. No man is God.

Mm.. some people will say I am romanticizing my life. This is partially true. to describe things in words that allow you to imagine it correctly, will seem very romantic because.. all living things long for connection. But visceral and spiritual understanding will teach you otherwise. I don't mind how it is interpreted. Life is Art, it's true meaning is the be appreciated.