Word of the Day: 目に入れてもいたくない

Unfortunately, today is the start of the Mercury Retrograde. I should've sent some emails yesterday. I was too weak to do so yesterday, also since the appointment didn't happen.. Well, I can't use that as an excuse, I was weak so, whether the appointment happened or not, I wouldn't have had the strength to do anything afterwards either way.

Of course, I will send them today, but I feel it is more pointless at this point. Really, all of it is pointless. Even if I say the truth, they will not hear. Even if they hear, they will not understand.

At the very least, if I do it, they cannot say I didn't. That is the only thing that is possible at this point. I want to be free of this thing, but I know the only way is through the TODOs, and getting to the end.

Mmm, we all can't avoid our work. All of us have work.

My intestines have returned to normal. I am happy for that. But obviously my lungs have taken a beating.

• Mullein (Verbascum thapsus): Known for clearing lungs and soothing irritated membranes.
• Elecampane Root (Inula helenium): A powerful expectorant that helps clear excess mucus and supports breathing.
• Licorice Root (Glycyrrhiza glabra): Soothes irritated, dry throat and airways.
• Thyme (Thymus vulgaris): Contains properties that relax bronchial muscles.
• Ginger (Zingiber officinale): Reduces inflammation in airways and helps with, for example, nausea.
• Peppermint (Mentha piperita): Contains menthol, which helps ease breathing and calm respiratory inflammation.
• Stinging Nettle (Urtica dioica): Useful for allergy-related coughs and reducing respiratory inflammation.
• Plantain Leaf (Plantago major): Soothes mucous membranes and tones the respiratory lining

I am not knowledgeable to know which one would be the most useful but.. my mind is saying Licorice. Though, I think I am channeling someone else, lol.

All healers struggle to heal themselves.

I think Nettle, is just good to have. I don't think I need it, but it is useful.

That's the thing huh, hypervigilance will lead to a nocebo effect; basically worrying yourself to sickness.

Mm, don't get me wrong, there is a problem. But, I usually try to stay calm under intense inner circumstances.

Being behind in my TODOs is making me less aware of time, which feels dangerous. I need to try to find some strength to do the max.

I have to overwork for 3 days. That is insanity. I have to do it though.

I am very charmed right now. Very very charmed.. I want to go play.

Unfortunately that is sort of a malaise so it makes movement feel.. stagnant but, more like a ferry boat rowing a canal of some sort.

I sort of want to go see that new Christan Bale movie. It looks nice. I didn't get to see Dracula. I was looking forward to it for so many months but wasn't able to see it. It would be nice but I don't feel I will have enough time to actually to plan to watch this movie anyway.

I don't worry about the liars. People want wrath and pain but, really karma affects them either way. You don't even have to wish ill will on them, they poisoned themselves with their intent.

Ah, maybe it wasn't a lie but just... No I am not making excuses for what I have seen, I have explained already. Trying to change my mind to make things appear better is stupid. Also, it has hurt someone I love, so I will not excuse anything. Never.

Maybe that is why I have hesitancy because my feelings are exposed. Mm... I can't help it.