Embarrassment
Closet Kleidariaphobia
Closet Kleidariaphobia by Mary Haynes I hate locks; they're annoying. I wish everyone would just behave and keep out of other people's stuff, so nothing had to be secured. I'm convinced locks have taken years off my life., I’m tired of fumbling in my purse hunting for keys and searching all over the house for them. I don’t want to jump out of bed late at night to check to see if I locked the doors. It all disrupts the flow; it disturbs my chi. I've locked myself out of cars, out of hotel rooms several times, once while swimming in the hotel’s outdoor pool. I've even locked myself inside a room of an old house when the skeleton key broke off in the door.
By Mary Haynes5 years ago in Confessions
It Happens!. Top Story - April 2021.
I am a stand-up comedian. I have been doing comedy regularly since the mid-2000s. In 2011, I had a paying feature gig at a comedy club called Sidesplitters in Knoxville, Tennessee. I had featured there a few times, and this time, I was featuring for comedian Jose Sarduy who was a super nice guy and very funny.
By Christy Eidson5 years ago in Confessions
Hangers
Of course it's not the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to anyone. It hardly seems worth taking the time to talk about. So insignificant. So mundane. Practically boring. Silly actually. I mention it only because it is the kind of thing that can occur when one is rushed. A result of other's demands and impatience with us. Had it been up to me. If I were in control and less prone to give precedence to the whims and wishes of others, my memory would be unstained. I would not still fall victim to the cry of "tell about the time..." that never fails to find me at social gatherings.
By Bernice E Cabral5 years ago in Confessions
The Art of An Awkward Conversation
In the not so distance past, I received a phone call that begun with the caller asking me, “Do you know what happened to me today?" Innocently, I replied, "No." How could I guess, really? The caller then reported, "I shit my pants!" The person on the other end of the call appeared to be just as surprised about this news as I was as I held the phone to my ear. My first thought, if this had happened to me (and I was alone) this incident would have been taken to my grave unreported. However, it felt surprisingly consequential to be the "chosen one" bestowed with this terribly sensitive information.
By Amy Solt5 years ago in Confessions
Frog With Glasses
On one particular evening, I saw a sweatshirt that popped up on my Instagram feed. This shirt came in several different colors, but the print on it is what captured me. I was instantly possessed by an unexplainable force and before I knew it, I clicked, paid and waited. Somehow all rationale thought was not available at the time of purchase. On the front of the shirt was a print of a frog wearing oversized glasses. Picture a green head, the size of a bowling ball, coming out of my ribs wearing huge costume glasses. I’m sure it had a body too, but it was much smaller. The depiction was caricature like. When I looked into the creature’s eyes I was under control that was not my own. This green toad with glasses was most definitely incongruent with my normal fashion sense as my closet is flooded with solid black and various shades of gray. This piece of clothing was a fashion abomination that I quickly had to make part of my wardrobe.
By Amy Solt5 years ago in Confessions
Massage without a happy ending
I like a good massage - I get tension in my shoulders and hamstrings that I find a deep muscle massage really helps with. One time I was on holiday with my wife in Fiji, and she wanted to go to the spa and have her hair done, and recommended that I get a massage - seeing as I like them so much. I was a little put off by the 'menu' of services, where they were focussed on "organic" oils and on the "experience" with pretty Asian women holding bowls of exotic fruit and flower petals, so I had a suspicion that this was not going to be like the remedial muscle massages I have had in the past. Besides, I was not feeling that well - I thought that a cold was coming on, and I find that a massage when not feeling too good will make me feel worse.
By Christian Wickham5 years ago in Confessions
The Poop That Altered My Life Forever
Greetings from DC! Name is Justin and I had to poop. I’m one of the High School Horror Stories that you hear about – but with unbelievable consequences. This happened over 15 years ago but my life changed entirely because I had to poop. I GUARANTEE you that you will say “poop,” “crap,” or “shit” aloud while reading about my misery.
By Justin S.5 years ago in Confessions
An Evening To Forget
One evening in the summer, the weather was nice and warm. The sky was clear without a cloud. It seemed like the perfect evening to go out. I was in such a good mood.. I was over my boyfriends house for the day and we decided to go for a walk. After walking for a short time, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go out to eat. He said sure. We decided to pick up his son first. We called ahead and told him to be ready. Then we stopped to pick him up. We went to one of our favorite restaurants, a short drive from the house. After we got seated, while we were looking over the menu, I ordered a margarita. My favorite, a frozen strawberry one. I kept my phone on although I try not to look at it when eating out but you never know..an emergency can happen . Shortly afterward, I got a text message from my friend with a picture of a margarita. This was something that we always do. Since we both like margaritas, if we go out, we send the other one a picture of our drink. I sent her one back as I had just gotten mine. I thought it was funny cause the background in the picture was similiar to mine. I looked around the restaurant and saw my friend eating with her husband. She saw me about the same time. She came over to our table to say hello. She told me that they was leaving shortly and gave me what was left on her gift card to put towards our meal. After I thanked her, I told her that I would see her in work the following day. She and her husband left the restaurant. We then ordered supper. We sat making small talk until the food came. The food was good, as usual. After supper, we left the restaurant and I walked ahead of my boyfriend and his son. Everything was going perfectly. Nice warm weather and a delicious meal. The sun was starting to go down, but it was not quite dark. The moon was full in the sky. I walked over to the car and opened the door. I was a little surprised because my boyfriend always locks his car when we leave it. But maybe I just didn't hear the opener beep. Just as I was ready to get inside, I noticed that my water bottle wasn't there. That was strange. I always bring a bottle of water wherever I go. I knew I didn't bring it into the restaurant. Then I noticed that the interior looked different. Seats were different, color different.. There was a sweatshirt lying on the seat… I backed up and heard my boyfriend and his son say, " what are you doing? That isn't our car. " I looked at the exterior and it wasn't the same model or brand. And now looking at it, it wasn't even the same color. My boyfriend owned a Toyota Rav 4 and this was a Cadillac Escalade. Then I noticed a group of people walking behind my boyfriend with puzzled looks on their faces. They whispered to one another and looked over at me. As we quickly walked away, they walked over to the Cadillac and got in. I was so embarrassed and really didnt know what to say. I hurried over to the Rav 4. My boyfriend opened the door and I got in. There was my water bottle. I explained that I had thought that we parked right in front. His son said "but thats a Cadillac. They don't even look the same," I didn't even realize it. I did learn to walk next to my boyfriend from then on. In fact, he holds my hand.
By Elaine Dembowski5 years ago in Confessions
I Was THAT Bridesmaid
On June 6th, 2020, one of my best friends got married, and I was lucky enough to be one of her bridesmaids. It was honestly one of the best experiences I’ve ever had, and it’s a memory I will cherish for the rest of my life. I was not the maid of honor, but the bride decided there were a couple tasks I might be a little better suited for than the maid of honor, such as planning the bachelorette party, so I was given some bridesmaid duties.
By TJ Sage5 years ago in Confessions
MaryAnna Destroyed Me with a Repeat-After-Me Song in 5th Grade
My rainbow bike sticker glitters effortlessly in North America across Maple Street, peddling full speed to all the neighbor's back yard. I begged my mother to bring the BMX gift my dad bought me before we moved to Texas back in 1985. Mother was pregnant, remarried the year before, and left my sister and me in San Diego with our wonderful Granny. We still think with her new husband and soon-to-be newborn son, they were never coming back for us, yet they finally did.
By C.A Fenderson Jr.5 years ago in Confessions
The Confessions of a Lady-Child
So, okay, look: I’m a middle-millennial, of an age that I've had plenty of years to accumulate an arsenal of cringe-fuel. I have battle scars in the form of fine lines to prove that every single medal of shame was earned, thank you very much. My early-twenties alone were a warzone of booze-soaked moments that I hid under my pillow about for days afterward until the next one occurred.
By MarigoldVance5 years ago in Confessions
