Dating
"Introductory Self"
The term "introductory self" is one that is rather new to me; I had never heard it until a few months ago, and it is something that has been on my mind quite frequently ever since, especially when meeting new people. My significant other used it to describe the person they were when I first met them versus the person they were at the time ("introductory self" versus "real self"), and she is still the only person I have ever met to use that term. In short, the "introductory self" is the side of a person that others see upon the first meeting, or, the best version of themselves.
By Lauren Kirby5 years ago in Confessions
Used to
I used to think I needed you. I used to think I loved you- I used to. I used to cry alone, wondering what I did wrong; why you didn’t love me. Enough or at all, just why? I used to wonder what I could do to make you see the greatness I had inside. I used to feel like I wasn’t good enough. I used to feel like I was your biggest mistake; a regret. I used to think I wasn’t good enough; like I couldn’t measure up to those before me. I wanted to be different, I was, but I wasn’t. I wanted to make you laugh and smile like no other, again. I used to. I wanted to change your view about the world, through our eyes. I used to think it could be us against the world. I used to think the fairy tale in my head would one day come true before it was too late. I used to lie awake at night and cry myself to sleep (if I slept). I used to make my self sick from countless times of counting my mistakes. All the times I replayed the things we’ve said that hurt; I thought less of myself because of my mistakes. I used to want to look at you and feel proud for baring your mark on me. I used to try and convince myself I wasn’t tired of chasing something that probably wasn’t meant to be. I used to measure my worth by how much I resembled others who were highly regarded in your eyes. I used to shape my life around how you made me feel. I used to wait for signals to bring me closer to your heart. I used to hate myself because I felt like I wasn’t good enough- not to hurt you. I knew I wasn’t perfect, but some people were deemed as such, but they weren’t there anymore. I used to want to give you the world and be one of your favorite people. I used to want to know everything about you that makes you smile, cry, love harder, mad, and everything else. I used to want so much more than what I had been given. I used to want more than you were willing to give or needed to share. I used to want a lot. I thought I needed those things; I really did. Now I know that I’m used to being used to a thought. But now... I choose to find me. And that’s someone I have to restore from the ground up and get used to loving unconditionally. I used to want to hold your hand all day and night. I used to want to have you all to myself. I used to crave your body, mind and presence. I used to allow us to drain everything. I used to allow myself to drain and depend on you. I used to think I could make you happy- even though I wasn’t built for the task. I can’t make you happy and I did a pretty good job tearing you down because of it, destroying what i could not appreciate. A lack of understanding- I used to think it was just bad luck. I used to think of so much.. but still not enough. I used to regret knowing you regret knowing me, the hurt, the IDK. I know you need distance and I need mine too. I’m not used to it though.. so much to say and nothing really matters. I used to think it would somehow fall into place.........
By Curteeona Brelove5 years ago in Confessions
You
You taught me how to understand that some people just don’t know how to love and it’s a luxury so essential, remaining on the most expensive lists of all time. Some know how to show it, but don’t know how it really feels. How it really feels to take it in and love to be loved, as if it’s the softest blanket you’ve ever wrapped yourself into. Again I will mention, that chocolate Skin and all my god what a beautiful site it was. There will only be one you and right now, Im learning we have to let go of the things we love the most to grow. Two people emerging from growing pains, in a garden of hope, trimmed off many pieces of sheer, promising pieces of a tense wild flower. Petals falling to their death. oh my sugar, honey, I’m sorry; I’m here, pleading for acknowledgment of life around you, whilst the counterparts of dark brown callouses scratch your tender heart. as one would scorn in wonder, look on in admiration, the tenderness those fallen petals long for, establishes a bond two seamstresses couldn’t see into a matching seam. the care extended to those of lost hope to nurture us back to health is a beautiful sight when the shake back is inaccurate and praised. impeccably unrecognizable, you don’t say. The saddest of the hearts comes about as the spade forbids the diamond from sharing its heart with the joker; being the only ray of sunshine to free the joker of his mischievous dwellings. To ones owed the benefit of the doubt, come naturally to overlook their worthiness-bestowing complete happiness upon you. Your grace has been stolen you. From the very ones we put on the highest pedestals, they continue to take. Under-looked because of misfortune, led by a masquerade of the mind: giving more power to those who hurt you indefinitely, making no sense of the good given to you. Seeing it as your fault, claiming to have seen it all, when in fact, you’ve had it all- in one place. We become so dreaded with pain, we admire the false casting of acclaimed love to ponder our shortcomings into a forest of shadows. Those who care only about the pleasures of physical bonds, create the boundaries and bondage that forces the hand of the lonesome heart to digress from the love they deserve. The outside looking in; A change of heart, so timid to love as no real
By Curteeona Brelove5 years ago in Confessions
The First Time He Saw Me Cry. Top Story - May 2021.
Once I thought tears were a weakness. Once I thought I should be ashamed of not being strong enough to control my tears. So I hid them, from everyone, and never let anyone see me cry. I had learned early on as a child that tears only made daddy angrier, made him not listen, and sometimes made him hit.
By Michelle Devon5 years ago in Confessions
Christmas Lights
I couldn’t help but notice as I walked by your house this morning that you still haven’t taken down the Christmas lights we put up together. It’s the middle of January, for God’s sake. Why are they still on your windowsill, glowing brightly during the night as if the holiday of cheer hasn’t already passed? Is it because you want to remember us? All of the things we did together? All of our Christmas memories and nostalgia? If that’s the case, then why did you break up with me in the first place? If you’re so sad about the fact that we’re over, why did you end it? You leaving those lights up on your windowsill is not helping at all. Take them down. Move on from the way things used to be. Turn them off so I don't have to see them from across my street anymore.
By Jamie Lammers5 years ago in Confessions
Love is Complicated
This is a speech that I wrote for a digital cabaret performance before I realized that the amount of time I needed to talk between songs actually shouldn't have been this long. Here is that essay now, containing the titles of the two songs I sang, "Being Alive" and "Run Away With Me."
By Jamie Lammers5 years ago in Confessions
Relationships
The start of anything is hard. However, a relationship is quite high on the list. In the beginning, when everything is so new and fragile you have to make sure that you stay yourself and portray yourself, however, in a version that leaves the other person interested and wanting more. You have to play a game of chicken without the intention of playing it. You can't show too much interest and can't show too little. Have to find the right balance for the relationship to flourish. Have to be able to have intellectual conversations and share your most bizarre theories. Be able to get to know the other person by having deep and meaningful conversations face to face. Getting to know their likes and dislikes and likewise. Not seeming too clingy or too detached. Knowing when you can say what and so on.
By Realist0075 years ago in Confessions
Teen Angst Playlist
It is never easy to trust one’s intuition, especially when the best way you can describe it is by saying that “it is exactly like that scene from those romance movies or mangas where there is an intermission with a more illuminated scenery that just makes your heart feel light”.
By Lidya Ataklti 5 years ago in Confessions
Jay and I Fall in Love Part III
The discussion was had, and it was settled. Goose demanded that she be allowed to live at the new house for a week to separate and pack her things. That week was torturous. I didn’t want to be the reason for a divorce. Other than the kiss we had shared I refused to do anything else until she was gone. Jay assured me that the marriage was headed that way and though I may have been a catalyst, I was not the reason for the split.
By Krysta Kurves5 years ago in Confessions
Feelings don’t lie but I did
I remember staying in a shelter on skid Row, it was called the Mission. there I met a young lady who made me feel a little bit more different about myself she did things for me that my wife didn’t and this is probably not a good idea to engage in but what can I say I wasn’t thinking with my heart.
By Shante Walker 5 years ago in Confessions
