Nonfiction
How Things Went From Wonderful to Terrifying.... Content Warning.
"I'm not scared of you." I told Wade but I was really speaking to the demon or demons I thought possibly lurked inside my husband. I knew I had to leave but I felt it important to show him no fear, I thought that would help me even though it was one of the biggest lies I'd ever told. In truth, I was petrified. The days leading up to mine and my two birth children's moving out of our home was frantic and absolutely terrifying. I called an attorney for advice along with asking the attorneys I worked with for advice, I put a plan in place with my father to come and pack a few things quickly in the early morning which would allow us to get out of the house before Wade got home from work and I packed a "go bag" in case we needed to leave in the middle of the night which consisted of mine and my children's birth certificates and social security cards. I had tried everything I could think of to not let it get to this point. After I saw the black eyes I begged Wade to go to therapy with me. He argued with me and argued saying that therapy wasn't what we needed and we were fine. He was fine. I told him I wasn't fine and that if he couldn't do this for me then I didn't see us making it. He told me not to threaten him and how dare I make ultimatums to him?! Reluctantly though he agreed but with stipulations; it could not be a pastor, he didn't want a male therapist and it had to work with his schedule. For a whole month, myself and a local therapist tried to work with his schedule as we made appointment after appointment that would hopefully accommodate him but he kept making excuses as to why he couldn't come to the appointments. Finally, she looked at me and said, "You are more than welcome to keep coming and working on you but we can't work on your marriage without your partner. Now, you can either just tolerate this decision he's made and making or walk away if your not okay with this." I called my father. I knew what I was leaving behind and risking and it killed me. I was leaving my step children who I'd helped raise the past 6 years, my home which I could very well lose due to my abandonment of the home and I'd worked my whole adult life to get that home and possibly the majority of our possessions if Wade chose to take possession of the home. However, I knew that I would have myself and my children in a safe environment and that was what mattered the most. I was so scared at that time that it seemed like if I didn't get away right then and there someone might die. We pulled it off early one morning, I grabbed bare essentials and we left. As we left, LJ, my little buddy caught me going out the door and said "It's all gonna be okay." I hugged him and said, "Yeah..." and left crying my eyes out. While we resided at my father's it was both peaceful and full of stress. I was still being verbally abused by Wade on an almost daily basis. We were trying to work things out and finding a way to do that was not easy. He would text me and call me all hours of the day and night berating and belittling me. I was a piece of shit for leaving him and the boys, what sort of mother and/or wife does that, now he has all the bills to pay by himself although I did try to discuss at one point what each of us should pay, I had abandoned them and now he would never take me back....etc. He would get furious over the smallest of things and I wouldn't hear the end of it for hours. I learned after a while not to text back but that was so hard to do. I felt I needed to not only defend myself but calm him down if I could, if it was at all possible. I felt it was my responsibility to do so. I remember one day the power had went out at the house so Wade and the boys came to my father's to wash some clothes and I had researched a treatment center for addicts. I asked Wade if he'd call them. He flew off the handle at me because how dare I ask such a thing when they'd been without power all night and he was exhausted?! I was able to learn while living at my daddy's how to enforce better boundaries when it came to him and that day I told him he needed to leave. He did and claimed that we were through for good. We filed for divorce but there was still that trauma bond hanging on and Wade knew he still had his talons in me. I still cared what he thought, still did not want to make him upset, still longed for him, still spent every waking moment thinking of him and what I could do to help him. We eventually started getting intimate again and that's when he had me. I moved back to our family home in March of 2022 for one last try to our marriage. We had spent 5 months with my father and I was honestly dreading moving back in with Wade in some ways as were the children but he had promised to start going to see my pastor with me for marriage counseling as he did not like the previous therapist as he found her pushy and was convinced she had told me to leave him. For a time, things got slightly better. Wade tried to work on the things my pastor suggested we both work on and together we were becoming stronger and better but although we had a good foundation laid down to us by my then pastor that's hard to follow when you don't actually see anything wrong with your actions. Wade tried to put on a good show though. He even got baptized but the night before his baptism we got into an argument because he wanted to back out stating he was too tired to go to church. I tried to explain that the pastor would be getting the baptistry pool ready and he would need to tell him if that was the case and not just flake out the morning of and he got angry and stated that he would go through with it so we could appear "perfect and happy" just like I wanted. I told him that's not what I wanted, if he didn't feel the baptism in his heart then he didn't need to do it but he just needed to let the pastor know. He kept going on and on about things needing to look "perfect" for me. So, the next day, in front of our family and the congregation he got baptized. It was hard but I was trying so hard to make it work and we even dismissed our order for divorce. Then, the cloud of darkness got darker and suddenly the mask was off and the demons had come out to play and they weren't holding back this time.
By Lindsey Altom2 years ago in Chapters
Exploring the Mysteries of Black Holes
Black holes, those enigmatic cosmic entities, cast a haunting shadow over our universe. They are dark centers of gravity that devour everything that ventures too close, including light itself. These monstrous entities, born from the ashes of massive stars, are among the most intriguing and mysterious objects in the cosmos.
By Qandil fatima2 years ago in Chapters
How Things Went From Wonderful to Terrifying... . Content Warning.
In the days and months leading up to me taking AJ and Rayne and leaving the house to go move in with my father quite a bit happened. It was as if a dark blanket wrapped itself around our once loving home and enveloped every corner of it. There was no escape from the foreboding, oppressive feeling and tensions within our home and it just kept getting stronger with each and every day. Of course these things take time and with domestic violence when your in it you don't wake up to the danger your in immediately or the incredibly toxic environment you have not only yourself in but your children. Wade always worked nights and we were all warned very sternly not to bother him at work unless it was an emergency and also we all knew better than to disturb his sleep during the day. It was difficult to keep the children quite during the day on the weekends when we were all home so sometimes I'd take them to the park or on a walk outside to just get them away for a bit. If Wade was woken up, we'd all get yelled at and especially me because even though he'd say he understood that I couldn't keep them quiet all the time you could tell by his reactions that he expected me to. When NJ and LJ moved in with us LJ wanted to start doing a sport as he'd always been very sports oriented. Wade complained and told him that he didn't think it was a good idea because he didn't know how LJ would get to the games and practices. I volunteered to do what I could when I could because I wanted the child to feel like he was a part of something in this new school he'd be going to and so he could make some friends. I told LJ to go ahead and sign up for his chosen sport which was basketball and that I'd make it work. Wade said since I had went behind his back with this in his mind I would be responsible for getting LJ to and from practice and the games even though the last of the conversation we'd had he'd said if we could sort out the details then he guessed it was okay. LJ's mother ended up taking him to some of the games and picking him up from practice a time or two but between myself and her we were the only ones that were ever there for LJ when it came to his basketball games. I tried to manage things as best I could while also trying to remember to take time out for myself and improving my own mental health and well being. I started a new church where I fell in love with the congregation and the pastor who spoke with such wisdom and knowledge that I was drawn to him in a way that I have not been to a pastor in a long time. I am one of those who considers myself in the way of religion a follower of Christ. That, I believe, is all you need to know and all you really need in life. God has gotten me through everything I've ever been though in my life and He certainly has helped me through this experience. I do not know how I would've seen through that dark cloud in my home without Him. I find that I do not remember a lot from that time period as my brain has blocked most of it out for my protection I suppose. I remember one morning in particular though this happened countless times, Wade stumbled downstairs still drunk from the night before or perhaps high I am not sure which and knocked over a chair from the dining room table as he rammed into the table itself. He fell to the floor. I remember LJ was in the room I believe and Rayne, I remember seeing the look of fear in their eyes as he got up, laughed it off and stumbled back upstairs. I remember once while giving Rayne a bath, Wade came in and got upset with me over something I cannot even remember what and proceeded to yell and scream at me and get in my face to the point I was backed into a corner in our bathroom. I remember running out of the room and to our bedroom hoping against hope that Rayne could avoid seeing us fighting because he wouldn't stop when I asked him to.... She later asked me why daddy was so mean to me sometimes? What do you say in a moment like that? I just said daddy gets angry and he doesn't know how to control himself. Once, Wade was having severe trouble with his blood pressure to the point I was afraid he was going to have a stroke just like my step dad did in 2020 so I made him get up and go to the ER. Wade acted horrible the whole trip, he was verbally abusive to the nurses and myself and although they got his BP down somewhat they weren't able to do much due to his ranting and raving. He told me I should've just left him in bed. From then on, I did. I thought to myself "If you would rather die in that bed then I'll let you. It's one thing for you to take your anger out on me but thoses nurses were just doing their job." I tried telling him that the nurses didn't do anything wrong but he wouldn't get past anything other than saying they were idiots. I remember countless nights in my bedroom closet giving myself 5 minutes to break down, wish I was dead, thinking I should be dead before sucking it all back in and going back out there to my children. I remember one day he had me feeling so worthless after a fight that I can't even recall the what for that I took to my son's room since he was at my ex's house and I laid there all day sinking into my depression until Wade came in to tell me that it was time to suck it up essentially and lets go figure out supper. The night I had a panic attack on the bathroom floor right after my shower. Suddenly, it was all too much. The dim lights in the bathroom, the water soaking my body, my skin, my hair; I couldn't stand any of it...I started clawing at myself, sobbing I sank to the floor...unable to die, unable to live. The night that scared the daylights out of me and still I stayed a couple of months after that was I had come into the bedroom, he was arguing with me about God only knows what, the room was dimly lit, the TV off and I got up close to him to try to reason with him, I sat on the bed next to him and as I looked into his eyes for just a split second both eyes turned completely black. I said something to quickly agree with him and end the argument and practically ran out of the room. I went outside after that; quickened breath, heart racing, what in God's name had I just witnessed? This was a whole new ballgame...I thought we were just dealing with addiction. What on Earth was this or was it Earth at all? I was shaking when I laid in the bed next to him that night and the nights after that. Before I entered the room, I prayed for protection from The Most High and that I may not absorb any negative energy that may be in that bedroom. The next morning at work, I googled what could cause a person's eyes to turn black and a couple of things popped up....demon possession, narcissism. I was married to a narcissist and an addict.
By Lindsey Altom2 years ago in Chapters
The Five Craziest Planets in the Universe
In the vast expanse of the cosmos, there are over two trillion galaxies, each brimming with hundreds of billions of stars, many of which host their own planetary systems. These astronomical numbers may seem mind-boggling, but they offer a tantalizing promise: there are likely planets beyond our wildest imagination out there. Today, we'll embark on a journey to discover five of the most incredible planets we've found so far. These are not just figments of science fiction; these are real, awe-inspiring worlds in the universe.
By Qandil fatima2 years ago in Chapters
The Polar Vortex and the Mighty Wall of the Polar Night Jet
Have you ever watched Game of Thrones? Remember the giant wall in the TV show that kept the armies of the Night King in the north at bay? Well, it turns out that Earth has its own powerful icy force in the north, and it's separated from us by a mighty wall too. This icy force is known as the Polar Vortex, and the wall that keeps it in check is called the Polar Night Jet. In this article, we'll explore what the Polar Vortex is, how the Polar Night Jet protects us from it, and what happens when this mighty wall breaks down.
By Qandil fatima2 years ago in Chapters
How Things Went From Wonderful to Terrifying.... Content Warning.
In 2019, my ex and I had child support court so we could adjust for the fact that Rayne was no longer legally my ex's child and afterwards my ex asked if I wanted to go eat lunch on his dime as a way to say "No hard feelings and let's work together from here on out." so I did. This small thing, almost cost me my marriage to Wade. It caused the biggest fight we'd ever had as I was told I knew better than to do something like that. It was common knowledge between myself and Wade that he didn't believe that women and men could be just "friends". However, Wade had work friends that were women and that was okay because they worked together. I was asked if my ex and I had held hands on our way into the restaurant, was told repeatedly that if me and my ex loved each other that much we should just be together already and quit skirting around behind his back and my ex's wife's back, was spoken to as if I were no more than a common slut. All because I accepted an invitation to lunch...I tried to reason with Wade by telling him I wouldn't think anything of it if he and his ex wife went to lunch after court, that I had done it because I figured my ex owed me a lunch, that it literally meant nothing. He found out that I had asked my grandma whose house I was going to after court if she thought it was weird for me to be going to lunch with my ex and he said that was proof that I had a guilty conscious. I told him I was simply trying to check and see that it wasn't inappropriate because I didn't want to disrespect Wade. Wade literally didn't speak to me for days over this incident and when he did it was to let know how badly I'd messed up. I begged, I pleaded, I went to his work to plead my case and he yelled at me for going there because he said I had no right to go his place of business and disrupt his work day with my bullshit. I asked if he was going to leave me and he said he didn't know. After a few days when he'd had time to settle down he claimed he never said that and he knew that I wouldn't do anything to purposefully hurt him. During this whole ordeal, I had started a new job as a legal secretary and I was stressed to the max with worry on if I was going to lose my husband or not and since I never had any experience with anything "legal" I had no clue what I was doing and was stressing on if I'd made the right choice. I got to discuss none of this with Wade because he was not speaking with me. He never really asked anything about my new job other than "Do you like it?" It was the worst first day of a job in my life. However, this job turned out to be a God send in the end and I'm still there almost four years later. My grandmother told me after I told her that Wade said he wanted to stay with me that I had a choice to make too on whether or not I wanted to stay with him. My mind started to spin on the implications of that and what all that meant and could mean. I was letting him run the show and he had spoken to me rather awful during all that but ultimately I decided to let it go and give Wade another chance. It certainly wouldn't be his last. Time went on, my eyes started to open more and more to his abuse and his abuse of substances and alcohol. I still didn't leave. I thought we can fix this or maybe if I just ignore this, it'll eventually just get better. In 2020, there was an incident with my past traumas that triggered my depression and on top of what I was already dealing with I found I could no longer live with myself and no longer wanted to. I couldn't just leave my children to fend for themselves so I sought therapy. My therapist started to help me come out of the deep dark hole that I had fallen into and eventually I confessed to her that I was the wife of an alcoholic/drug addict and it was taking it's tole. Wade's drug of choice was alcohol and pills but he eventually started smoking weed as well which he had at one point told me he didn't like and then he got into harder things some of which I knew about and some I did not. Our lives got dark, very dark....Wade drank, took pills, smoked, raged, yelled, took his anger out on me and the children. He never hit us except with his words and those words could cut like a knife. I did not agree with how he punished the children as he would get angry and just go off. He would yell and rage, call the children names, berate and belittle them, tell them to suck it up, stop crying...etc. I started attending Al-Anon classes online and those helped me release some of the control I'd been trying to take back and realize that only Wade could fix Wade's problems. I could not fix them for him. I started discussing with Wade having demons in your closet and how we all have demons and how only we have the power with God's help to exorcise our own demons. By going to Al-Anon I was able to find some peace. I started researching things. Wade still wouldn't tell me much about his childhood but I used what little I had to go on plus his personality traits I'd observed and his addiction problems and started researching the psychology of everything that could have happened to him based on what I thought had happened in his past and what could be going on with his brain due to the addiction. I started seeking help from anyone I could find and watching videos from people who had been there and done that before me. In other words, I got smarter. I learned about boundaries in order to keep your sanity and establish some self worth in your own self and in order to help the addict take responsibility and own up to the damage they have caused in the wake of their addiction. Wade didn't like this one little bit and we fought more and more. In 2021, we went on our first week long vacation. Wade chose to hang out with NJ & LJ downstairs every night we were there and smoke and party and then he complained that we didn't make love the whole vacation. However, he literally didn't come to our bed until around 2 or 3 in the morning. Also, there was one morning where we were suppose to go to an attraction together as a family. He told me he couldn't go because he had a hangover. He knew I have driving anxiety about driving in big cities but he told me that I would have to take myself and the kids to the attraction or we couldn't go. I put on a brave face and dug deep and instead of disappointing the children I drove us to the attraction. The whole vacation we had to leave places when he was ready and stay at our cabin when he wasn't ready to go anywhere. The whole vacation revolved around Wade and what he felt like doing. I thought then, "This will be and is our first and last vacation." In November of 2021, we moved in with my father. That was the first time I left him.
By Lindsey Altom2 years ago in Chapters
A Fairytale Escape into Dawn's Embrace
Rising before the Sun has become a ritual for me. A few stretches to relax before heading to the kitchen for preparing a warm breakfast. Flicking the switch the kitchen becomes illuminated. Putting on an apron, I grabbed the necessary ingredients to start cooking. Setting the timer on the oven, I cleaned the mess I made. Hearing a ding! I grabbed a mitten and checked, It was golden brown, perfectly shaoed croissants were ready. The aroma of the croissants wafted through the air, enticing the senses and bringing a sense of comfort.
By Staringale2 years ago in Chapters
What If Earth Suddenly Stopped Spinning?
Imagine a world where the Earth's relentless spin, which gives us day and night, suddenly comes to a halt for just five seconds. It may sound like a wild idea, but let's dive into what would happen if this hypothetical scenario were to occur.
By Qandil fatima2 years ago in Chapters
Exploring the Mysteries of Black Holes
Traveling through a black hole is one of the most intriguing concepts in astrophysics and theoretical physics. While the description in the provided text is imaginative and exciting, it's important to note that our understanding of black holes is still largely based on theoretical physics, and there is much we don't know about these mysterious cosmic objects. Let's break down some key points:
By Qandil fatima2 years ago in Chapters
The Universe's Hidden Boundaries and the Mysteries Beyond
The universe is an astonishing place, filled with celestial wonders that have captivated humanity's imagination for centuries. From the enigmatic black holes tearing apart enormous stars to pulsars spinning at incredible speeds, emitting powerful beams of energy, and colorful nebulae where newborn stars put on a fireworks display, our cosmos is a treasure trove of captivating phenomena. However, it's important to remember that our universe is not infinite; it has a boundary, a literal wall that separates it from an absolute nothingness. Join us on a journey as we explore these boundaries and delve into the mysteries that lie beyond.
By Qandil fatima2 years ago in Chapters
