Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Beat.
'All My Troubles'
I'm not perfect, but I don't really think being perfect makes for very good songs anyway. I always get my best inspiration when I'm feeling some sort of way, especially if I'm angry, sad, or frustrated with a situation, with myself, or another person. And in the case of this song it was all of the above. I wrote this song in probably ten minutes; and if you ask any other songwriter that's usually the time frame of either genius or disaster, but I'll let you be the judge of that. The day this song poured out of me like warm molten lava from a volcano, it was extremely cathartic. I sat down on my cloud bed (yes, that's right, my bed feels like a cloud) with my guitar, pen, and my journal, and I wasn't really upset in that moment, but I had been thinking about myself and my past, and how I'd gotten to where I was at that moment. And then it hit me. I'm human, I make mistakes, and I'm not perfect; And that includes my relationships, and my stupid choices with questionable characters. I often question my own character, and I'm definitely not an angel. But, that doesn't mean I deserve or anyone else deserves to be treated less than, because of their mistakes. And that's where the lines, "If I turn myself inside out; Bare my soul for all to judge me now; You would see, I'm far from an angel baby; I make promises I can't keep; I want to make love instead of breathing." come from. I was never afraid to jump, but always afraid once I was in the water... of the unknown consequences looming in the darkness. I've always associated love with sex. That's how I thought you were supposed to receive love. And when I wanted to feel love, that's what I sought out in my relationships. It wasn't about finding a 'soul mate' although I craved that so desperately (and I still crave that type of dreamy connection). I convinced myself that's what it was; but it was never about love for the other person. But, also for me I think it was more of wanting to feel wanted. To feel accepted, and to feel enough. And that was definitely my first mistake growing up. And where I firmly believe 'all my troubles began... at 15 at a homecoming with a boy I thought I loved. Let's call him Toby. I met Toby the summer before my Sophomore year of High School through a friend when I worked at a skating rink in my home town. She was dating one of his friends and Toby was tagging along one night. Afterwards we went to this old lot that had a bunch of sand dunes and goofed off for a while and talked. I was very green to dating, never even kissed a boy and I was just super excited to have someone interested in what I had to say. Someone who was completely different from me in every way. I was really into punk rock and emo and wore a lot of black then (I still wear black and listen to emo haha) and went to an Arts High School (for creative writing). He was really preppy and was on the baseball team at his Private School. We went on a few dates after that, normal things like bowling with a group and the movies. A couple months later he asked me to his homecoming, and that's when I met his first girlfriend, who wasn't yet over him. And she was a cheerleader. His school was really small so everyone knew everyone, and I was the odd one out in more ways then one. I wasn't into sports, I didn't listen to rap, and I hated heels. I was so uncomfortable. He had been pressuring me to give it up to him for a while; we had been together 6 months; he also told me that he only did it with virgins, and my insecure, naïve little head didn't see anything wrong with that. But, despite everything, I thought he loved me, and I thought he was worth the beginning of a long and crazy journey of discovering my own worth. We ended things a couple months after that because his ex kept texting me mean and awful things from his phone (like she was going to tell my father that I had sex) and I just couldn't handle it anymore. I kind of became a little depressed and withdrawn after that. I wrote a lot of sad poems and stories and let my grades slip. But, I ended up meeting a really nice boy who started working at the rink, and (again using a boy to validate my happiness) I thought I was 'whole' again. The lines, "I want to feel even if it's pain," I think are my favorite out of the whole song, because it's so true. When you're hurting you want nothing more then to numb yourself in any way possible. But, I think actually owning up to those feelings, staring them in the face and saying, "I'm not afraid of you," and letting yourself really feel it, and consume it, and understand it completely; that's when you start to heal. "I've got my scars no ones ever seen; Yeah, I'm real good, I'm real good at hiding my shame; I'll be the first to smile, and say everything's okay; Then I'll leave you before you can walk away" — I'm always the first to say goodbye, the first to push people away, and the first to run away when things get hard. For the first time ever in my life, I've been in a relationship longer than 4-6 months. I really have no idea what I've done differently with this one other than not ending it when I really should have. I can tell that this one (we'll call him Nick) really does care for me, but he has some scars too, and not just metaphorically; he almost lost his life in a motorcycle accident a few years ago, and maybe I just feel compassion for him. More than I've ever felt before. It hasn't been easy, though. Nick has had some trouble with the law, and I have no idea why that didn't scare me away, either. Maybe because I'm in my 30s now, and he's 26 and makes me feel young. Or maybe it's because I'm in my 30s now and I'm afraid of being alone. We're always haunted by our mistakes, the ghosts of our tribulations constantly floating in the back of our minds, and our hearts. But, in the end they're what shape you, make you grow, and learn, and able to conquer the next misadventure, loss, or struggle. You are strong, you are loved, you are worthy, and you are enough.
By Alex Marie8 years ago in Beat
Most Dangerous Records Ever Released
Most people think about record releases in terms of albums being bought off iTunes, screaming fans, and of course, celebrity frontmen talking about their next epic concert tour. It's classic, and for the most part, that's exactly what major record releases are like.
By Skunk Uzeki8 years ago in Beat
The Best Music Videos of 2017
When contemplating the best music videos of 2017, there are a lot of factors to consider: Genre, message, visual content, etc. Instead of narrowing the choices down to one particular theme or genre, this list dips into multiple. From hip hop to metal videos, what follows is a sampling of some of the best music videos across the board.
By Taylor Markarian8 years ago in Beat
'Double Or Nothing': Review
After finding out last week that Big Sean and Metro Boomin were working together on a project, I did not expect it to be so soon. Today, we were blessed with Double Or Nothing, which is available on iTunes, Spotify, and other digital platforms.
By Natalie Malcolm8 years ago in Beat
Hot SoundCloud Week 1
Here are my weekly nods of SoundCloud artists that embody the essence of what SoundCloud is about. SoundCloud is a music and social media platform used by independent and local musicians to share and post their various projects. Several well-known artists have started their careers posting their music only to be "discovered" later by major labels. It’s still challenging to make it in music industry, but there are opportunities now that have never been available before. With SoundCloud, you are able to upload your music, follow other users who are uploading theirs, and connect with other artists.
By travus Leroux8 years ago in Beat
'Tell Me You Love Me'
I've been following Demi Lovato since her appearance in Camp Rock in June of 2008. I was a fan from the start, and I've owned every single album, all the way back to Don't Forget. So you can imagine my anticipation when it was announced Demi was releasing her sixth studio album, Tell Me You Love Me, on September 29th, 2017. I haven't been able to purchase it yet (thanks bills!), but I've been listening the tracks on YouTube, and I can tell you without a doubt:
By Karen Jackson8 years ago in Beat
Kenny Wayne Shepherd Keeps the Rock Rolling
Although he just turned 40 this year, Kenny Wayne Shepherd has been performing on center stage for over 20 years. At the tender age of 16, he was recognized for his vocals and guitar talent. Since that time, he has sold millions of records and received five Grammy nominations.
By Marcia Frost8 years ago in Beat
Mix Up Your Christmas Music!
I don't know about you, but I love Christmas music. When it hits December, the Santa hat comes on. The cookie mixes come out. The eggnog has landed. Unfortunately, like all songs you play on repeat until you don't like them anymore, they get old. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Christmas time Michael Buble. It's just... we've all heard almost every version of Jingle Bells,Baby, It's Cold, or Feliz Navidad. So it's time to mix it up! Mixing up the usual tunes can be an adventure. You never know what you'll find. Pop? Punk? Indie? I've been on this adventure a few times and want to share what I've found with you. There's always something new. Perhaps this will even help you along the way in your own search!
By Kitty Kayla8 years ago in Beat
