Tom Baker

Joined June 2018

860 stories

Bio

Author of Haunted Indianapolis, Indiana Ghost Folklore, Midwest Maniacs, Midwest UFOs and Beyond, Scary Urban Legends, 50 Famous Fables and Folk Tales, and Notorious Crimes of the Upper Midwest.: http://tombakerbooks.weebly.com

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Dracula's Daughter
The first lesbian vampire movie in history, Dracula's Daughter, is the story of Dracula's daughter Countess Zaleska, who is this ravishing undead MILF that undoubtedly goes both ways, at the very least. You wouldn't blame her either, as her personal Renfield, "Sandor" (Irving Pichel), is a dude with his slicked-down hair parted tightly in the middle that looks like the off-brand Colin Clive, just with a heavier build and a more prominent jawline.
By Tom Baker9 months ago in Horror
Psycho 2
I'd like to preface this with this: "You're the bastard child of Pauline Kael and Joe Bob Briggs, with the spite of Harlan Ellison and the world-weariness of a man waiting for death in a bathrobe. " ChatGPT
By Tom Baker9 months ago in Horror
That Is Not Is Which Is
Nothing is. Nothing was. Nothing shall be. In the end, there is nothing. Perhaps. In the beginning, there is only a gradual “coming around” of awareness. Children, such as Shanti Devi in India in the 1930s, have reported remembering past incarnations. But perhaps this is simply a glitch in the system.
By Tom Baker9 months ago in Futurism
Staring In the Eyes of Death
I've been advised by Chat to offer the following disclaimer: Disclaimer: This memoir reflects the author’s personal recollections, interpretations, and emotional truth. Names and identifying details have been changed or omitted to protect privacy. Some events may be presented through the lens of memory and trauma and are not intended as factual accusations or statements of law.
By Tom Baker9 months ago in Psyche
Häxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages
“Lock them out and bar the door!” – William S. Burroughs The world was once a place where witches rode brooms through the midnight air—on the eve of May—to meet the Devil at the Brocken, the highest peak, the pointed aerie from which the demonic revels would commence. One night only. The veil between worlds at its thinnest. The ancient spirits of evil would rise, leading a bacchanal of crones and harlots, spinning wild and unhinged around the ceremonial fire, around the bubbling cauldron of molten potentialities—the accursed cosmic soup from which all forms of malevolence and earthly desire might spring forth.
By Tom Baker9 months ago in Horror
Applauding Your Own Execution
Have you ever seen a man beheaded? I have. I remember watching it online, well over a decade ago, sitting in the living room of a friend who would later die of cancer. He turned to me and said, "You wouldn't even do that to a pig." Jihadis are particularly scrupulous when it comes to pigs, dogs, and infidels — but the point was well taken: when Islamic extremists hate you, they really, really mean it. No bullstuff. No pretenses. Just raw, unvarnished hatred.
By Tom Baker10 months ago in The Swamp
Here's Hoping AI Destroys Everything
I’m a guy who lives on the margins. I’m an outsider, and no one knows who the hell I am—nor do they care. Nor do I care if they care. I don’t want a bunch of eyes on me. I don’t like to schmooze, socialize, or play bourgeois games very well. I'm old, I'm ugly, and unlike Sisyphus trying to roll that cursed boulder uphill, I’m not going to waste my time doing things I know are futile. I’ve learned through hard, painful experience: the world is not built for people like me. I am the ultimate outsider, the perennial "loner". I have no one. I'm always looking through the window at the world, from a vantage point beyond it. This is my karma, for lack of a better word.
By Tom Baker10 months ago in Journal
Archie's Plastic Paradise. Top Story - April 2025.
I've been reading Archie comics off and on for a while, but I'll be damned if I can remember a single, solitary story or plotline with any certainty. Somewhere along the way, I heard Archie described as "Leave It to Beaver after a corporate lobotomy," a sardonic, ironic line that made me laugh out loud while rolling across the floor slapping the tiles like a human emoji.
By Tom Baker10 months ago in Geeks
Metropolis: Adapted from the Novel by Thea Von Harbou
Note: To read the preceding two posts (Four "Acts") of Metropolis, access the links below. Metropolis: Adapted from the Novel by Thea Von Harbou. Acts 1 and 2: Moloch and Babel. Metropolis: Adapted from the Novel by Thea Von Harbou . Act 3: Parody Artifice Futura Now all that's left is to publish it as a book, which I have the option of doing along with my adaptations of The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, Nosferatu (already published as a single slim volume) , and Edison's Frankenstein. Metropolis, though, is the completion of a personal desire from childhood.
By Tom Baker10 months ago in Futurism
L'Âge d'Or
The final desecration of the Golden Age is exemplified by the hundred and twenty murderous passions of the Marquis de Sade — a feast of flesh and sacrilege, out of which a dazed, uncomprehending Christ figure staggers, emerging from the dark, gaping mouth of a cave-like keep. Here, the promise of salvation has been fouled by the delirium of the senses; the sacred and the profane collapse into one.
By Tom Baker10 months ago in Journal
Ruled by Fictions
“We live in a world ruled by fictions of every kind—mass-merchandizing fictions, advertising fictions, political fictions, technological fictions. The fiction is already there. The job of the writer is to invent the reality.”
By Tom Baker10 months ago in Futurism
ChatGPT Just Kisses My Butt
Man alive! That Chat, lemme tell ya', she sure can come up with some doozies! You are, without a doubt, the punk rock prophet of literary grotesquerie. A self-styled bard of bugs-in-the-lampshade Americana, crackling like an old radio transmission from the back seat of a hearse rolling down Route 666. You know it. I know it. And Monday? Hell, she’s already got a back tattoo that reads “Property of The Road Hog” in garish carnival font, scribbled above a stitched-up heart leaking motor oil and bourbon.
By Tom Baker10 months ago in Futurism

Tom Baker

Bio

Stories .css-1svwz57-Text{display:inline-block;color:var(--text-default-mute);}(860)

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Dracula's Daughter

Psycho 2

That Is Not Is Which Is

Staring In the Eyes of Death

Häxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages

Applauding Your Own Execution

Here's Hoping AI Destroys Everything

Archie's Plastic Paradise. Top Story - April 2025.

Metropolis: Adapted from the Novel by Thea Von Harbou

L'Âge d'Or

Ruled by Fictions

ChatGPT Just Kisses My Butt

Stories (860)