family
Family can be our support system. Or they can be part of the problem. All about the complicated, loving, and difficult relationship with us and the ones who love us.
When Love Feels Like Anxiety
Caleb loved Iris so much he couldn't sleep. Not in the romantic, staying-up-talking-all-night way. In the lying-awake-at-3-a.m.-heart-racing-mind-spiraling way. In the checking-his-phone-every-five-minutes-when-she-didn't-text-back way. In the can't-eat-can't-focus-can't-function-unless-he-knew-she-still-loved-him way. People said he was in love. And maybe he was. But it didn't feel like the love depicted in movies or described in songs. It felt like standing at the edge of a cliff, constantly terrified of falling. It felt like his entire nervous system was wired to one person, and if she withdrew even slightly, his whole world collapsed. It felt, more than anything, like anxiety. They'd been dating for eight months, and Caleb had never felt this way about anyone. He thought about Iris constantly. Needed to know where she was, who she was with, whether she was thinking about him. When they were together, he felt euphoric. When they were apart, he felt like he was suffocating. "You're so intense," Iris said one evening after he'd texted her fourteen times because she hadn't responded for two hours. "I was just at dinner with my sister. I'm allowed to not text you for a few hours." "I know. I'm sorry. I just... I worry when I don't hear from you." "Worry about what?" Caleb couldn't articulate it. That he worried she'd realize he wasn't enough. That she'd meet someone better. That she'd wake up one day and wonder why she was with him. That every moment she wasn't actively choosing him felt like she might be about to leave. "I don't know," he said instead. "I just love you a lot." But it didn't feel like love. It felt like drowning while pretending to swim.
By Ameer Moaviaabout a month ago in Psyche
The Year She Forgot How to Be Around People
Emma had been alone for 347 days when she realized she'd forgotten how to have a conversation. It wasn't intentional isolation. It started with the pandemic—everyone retreated into their separate spaces, and Emma's one-bedroom apartment became the entire universe. Then her remote job eliminated the casual water cooler chats. Her best friend moved across the country. Her weekly book club dissolved. One by one, the threads connecting her to other humans frayed and snapped. And Emma told herself she was fine. She had video calls sometimes. She texted people. She scrolled through social media seeing everyone else's lives. She wasn't truly alone. But when her neighbor knocked on her door to ask about a package delivery, Emma opened her mouth to respond and the words came out wrong. Stilted. Like she'd forgotten the rhythm of human speech. "I... yes. The package. It's... I haven't..." She couldn't form a complete sentence. Her neighbor looked at her with concern, and Emma felt a wave of panic. What was happening to her? After he left, Emma sat on her couch and tried to remember the last real conversation she'd had. Not a transactional exchange with a delivery person or a scripted work call, but an actual spontaneous human interaction. She couldn't remember. And when she tried to imagine having one now, her brain short-circuited. The social scripts she'd once known automatically—how to read facial expressions, when to laugh, how to know when it was her turn to talk—felt like a foreign language she'd once been fluent in but had somehow forgotten. Emma wasn't just lonely anymore. Loneliness had physically changed her brain. And she had no idea how to change it back.
By Ameer Moaviaabout a month ago in Psyche
The Psychology of Emotional Neglect
Sophie was eight years old when she stopped crying. Not because she stopped hurting. But because she'd finally learned what her parents had been teaching her all along: her pain was an inconvenience they didn't want to deal with. She'd fallen off her bike that afternoon, scraped her knee badly enough that blood soaked through her jeans. She'd run inside, tears streaming, looking for comfort. Her mother was on a work call. She'd glanced at Sophie, held up one finger—wait—and continued talking. Sophie stood there, bleeding and crying, while her mother discussed quarterly projections as if her daughter wasn't falling apart three feet away. After twenty minutes, her mother finally hung up. "What happened?" "I fell. It really hurts." Her mother barely looked at the wound. "You're fine. Go clean it up. I have another call in five minutes." Sophie went to the bathroom alone. Cleaned the wound alone. Bandaged it alone. And something inside her went quiet. My pain doesn't matter. My needs are a burden. If I want to be loved, I need to stop needing things. She didn't think those words consciously. She was eight. But her nervous system absorbed the lesson completely: To be acceptable, I must need nothing. By the time Sophie was ten, she'd perfected the art of emotional self-sufficiency. She stopped running to her parents when she was hurt, scared, or sad. Stopped sharing her excitement because they seemed annoyed by her enthusiasm. Stopped asking for help because they were always too busy. She became the "easy child." The one who didn't cause problems. The one who took care of herself. Her parents praised this. "Sophie is so independent," they'd tell relatives. "She never needs anything from us." They said it like it was a good thing. Like self-sufficiency at ten years old was maturity instead of survival. What they didn't see—what they never asked about—was the little girl inside who'd learned that her emotional needs were unwelcome. Who'd concluded that love was conditional on not requiring emotional support. Who'd started building walls around her heart to protect herself from the pain of reaching out and being ignored. Sophie wasn't independent. She was neglected. And she'd learned to call it strength.
By Ameer Moaviaabout a month ago in Psyche
Why Some People Feel Alone Even in Relationships
Lena woke up next to her husband of seven years and felt like a stranger was sleeping beside her. Not because Tom had changed. But because somewhere between the wedding and this Tuesday morning, they'd stopped being two people who knew each other and become two people who lived in the same house.
By Ameer Moaviaabout a month ago in Psyche
Home Is Not a Place—It’s a Nervous System
I carry home in my shoulders. In the way they tighten when voices rise. In how my breath shortens before my mind can name the danger. Home, for me, has never been a place you could pin on a map. It has never been an address that stayed long enough to memorize the cracks in the walls. Home learned to move when I did. It adapted. It folded itself into muscle and memory, into reflexes I didn’t choose but inherited from moments that taught me how to survive. As a child, I thought home was where you returned at night. A door. A bed. A familiar ceiling. But even then, my body knew better. It knew that walls don’t promise safety. Silence doesn’t always mean peace. And love, when inconsistent, teaches vigilance faster than trust. So my nervous system became the house. It learned the language of footsteps. It memorized tone shifts. It developed an instinct for reading rooms before my eyes fully entered them. While others were taught to relax at home, my body learned to stay alert everywhere. This wasn’t anxiety at first. It was intelligence. It was adaptation. It was the quiet brilliance of a system that decided, without consulting me, that it would never be caught unprepared again. Modern identity doesn’t begin with who we are. It begins with what our nervous systems learned when no one was explaining things. Long before we chose values or careers or aesthetics, our bodies made decisions. About closeness. About conflict. About rest. Some people carry home in their chests — expansive, warm, forgiving. Others, like me, carry it in our shoulders, lifted slightly as if bracing for impact. Not dramatic enough to be noticed. Not relaxed enough to forget. This is what psychologists call regulation. Or dysregulation. Or trauma, depending on who is speaking and how clinical the room feels. But in lived reality, it’s simpler and more intimate than terminology allows. It’s the difference between entering a space and feeling your breath drop into your belly — or hovering somewhere near your throat, unsure. I used to think I was bad at settling down. Bad at belonging. Bad at staying. But the truth is more precise: my body never learned that staying was safe. So it learned movement instead. It learned how to pack quickly, emotionally. How not to leave fingerprints on relationships. How to be present without being exposed. It learned to treat even good moments as temporary — not out of pessimism, but out of habit. This is where modern psychology meets identity. Not in labels, but in patterns. In the way we mistake survival strategies for personality traits. We say we are “independent,” when really, we learned early that asking for help did not always end well. We say we are “low-maintenance,” when in truth, we learned not to need too much out loud. And somewhere along the way, we start believing these adaptations are who we are — not what happened to us. Home, then, becomes something we try to build externally. A relationship. A city. A routine. We move apartments hoping the next set of windows will finally teach our bodies to exhale. We curate spaces with plants and soft lighting, hoping comfort will arrive through design. Sometimes it does. Briefly. But the body remembers faster than the mind forgets. It remembers raised voices, even when none are present. It remembers abandonment, even in crowded rooms. It remembers inconsistency like a native language. And until it is taught something new — gently, repeatedly — it will continue to act as if danger is just around the corner. Healing, I’ve learned, is not about finding the right place to live. It’s about retraining the nervous system to believe that safety can exist without conditions. This is slow work. It looks like learning to unclench your jaw without being prompted. Like noticing when your shoulders rise — and choosing to lower them, even if nothing obvious is wrong. Like letting good moments stay good, instead of scanning them for exit signs. It is the quiet revolution of teaching your body that rest does not require permission. I am still learning this language. Still negotiating with a system that kept me alive when it had to, and doesn’t yet trust that it can stand down. I thank it now, instead of resenting it. I tell it we are no longer where we once were. I tell it, sometimes out loud, that this moment is safe. Home, I am discovering, is not a destination. It is a sensation. It is the moment your breath deepens without effort. The moment your shoulders drop without instruction. The moment your body stops asking, “What’s about to happen?” and starts saying, “I am here.” And maybe one day, I won’t have to carry home in my shoulders anymore. But until then, I hold them gently. Because they’ve been holding me for a very long time.
By Jhon smith2 months ago in Psyche
Child Abuse Can Happen Anywhere. Content Warning.
Do you have what it takes to stand up and help a child who is being abused? Do you know how to do it? Who to call? The ChildHelp National Child Abuse Hotline 800–422–4453 is available 24 hours a day here in the US.
By Elizabeth Woods2 months ago in Psyche
Christmas is Not Always “Beer and Skittles”. Top Story - December 2025.
If you find the holiday season challenging, you’re not alone. I have never been a big fan of Christmas. I have always found it a bit pretentious. It is a time for kids, really. I have not had kids in my life, so the "children's influence" around this time of year doesn’t occur.
By Calvin London2 months ago in Psyche
