eating

Dispel judgement, debunk the myths and correct the misconceptions you hold about eating disorders.

Small, furry and fat free.
It was a conscious decision I made one day. I just felt it, I knew I was ready to fully commit this time. Like a spiritual awakening or a calling, I was excited and felt dedicated to embark on a new journey, to transition, to shed. To grow into someone new. I wanted a challenge, a focus with no emotion attached - to win something. I wanted to be thinner. I was thin already, but not thin enough. I decided, I’m going to be thin. Really. Thin.
By Gem6 years ago in Psyche
An inanimate object controlled my life.
i never knew that an inanimate object could be my biggest enemy. it’s digital numbers and cold glass front give me chills every time i stepped on it. closing my eyes praying the numbers would go down. breathe i tell myself as i look at the numbers. just breathe. “it’s okay” is the first thing i say as i try to calm myself. the numbers went up instead of going down. “i’ll just skip lunch or maybe eat half of dinner” is a common phrase i think while reassuring myself that i WILL go down again. Every time i start to feel hunger, i tell myself i will go another jean size up, anyway i feel prettier when i’m hungry. pretty hurts, right? i first got the idea of “skinny” when i heard the doctor say 127 pounds. Chills ran down my spine as i heard these horrifying words. i felt i had to do something. i couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. I was disgusted. slowly, i stopped eating. inch by inch, i started losing weight. i loved how i looked after the first few shedded pounds. i need to lose more to look picture perfect. my clothes started fitting loose and my face started looking thinner. people started noticing, and i loved it. questions started flooding in, “how did you lose weight to fast?” “just changed my diet”, i would say. i couldn’t let anyone know my secret. but there were consequences to my actions. i would often feel week and i would get sick very easily. the dark circles under my eyes became more visible and i was easily fatigued with doing minimal activity. soon, my collar bones became visible and so did my rib cage. i looked sort of scary. it’s not enough. not till i looked like a bobble head i told myself. i thought maybe if i was skinny, boys would like me. all my friends had boys begging on their knees for them, but I didn’t. I wanted to make all my friends envy me. all I want is to be beautiful. all I want is for a boy to look at me like i’m the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen. but they don’t. so i’ll try my best to make them. when girls talk about their boyfriends, it makes me very insecure. almost as if nobody notices me. it sounds shallow i know, but there’s this longing. it’s just stays in my heart, and it won’t go away
By Chloe Robles6 years ago in Psyche
"I Only Eat Yellow Things"
Most kids are fussy with food at some point or another in their childhoods. I always tried to pretend that's what I was; "fussy". Except I took it to the extremes and would barely touch anything that didn't have a concrete certificate of approval, and even then the conditions had to be just right. My mum and dad were always brilliant and exotic eaters so it wasn't like I wasn't exposed to a vast culinary choice. I just could not bring myself to try new things, no matter how hard and tirelessly my parents tried. They took me to doctors and kept me off school to try and crack the problem. They tried being nice, they tried being harsh, shouting, pleading, every single trick in the book and beyond, but nothing anyone said could ever sway me to even hold new foods, let only taste them. I couldn't explain it, it just felt wrong. The very idea of putting anything new in my mouth overwhelmed me, like I might die. I truly would have rather gone hungry than just give something a go.
By Louisa Jane6 years ago in Psyche
Bulimia is Not failed anorexia
Just wanna put this out here into the universe for anyone who is super ignorant, unaware or just needs the validation themselves. I've heard a lot of people say things along this sort of line in my life and just wanna say it's bullshit and really harmful for suffers. Keeping them from seeking help for longer, and just generally making them feel terrible about themselves.
By Elma6 years ago in Psyche
My damn mind
When I was younger I would always be nervous. Nervous to talk to new people, nervous to ask questions to my teachers, and even too nervous to talk to my own friends. There was always that thought in the back of my mind telling me that if I talk they won’t like me or they will leave me. I had a good childhood. I got good grades, I was becoming healthy after dealing with asthma attacks every night and being in the hospital for months at a time, and I was making friends. When I reached 4th grade I started becoming sad. Sad for no apparent reason. As a 9 year old I didn’t know what was happening. I started becoming distant with everyone and that’s when I met my best friend to this day. She had this energy to her that I looked up to. She was smart, beautiful, and kind. I wanted to be that, to have that. We became close friends and did everything together until 5th grade. In fifth grade I started becoming more timid about my body. I was always small and underweight yet I saw myself as being too big. I started eating less at the ripe age of 10. No one noticed. No one. I started becoming smaller and smaller and when people told me that I’ve lost weight and that I looked good my mind feasted on those comments. I loved them. People telling me I was becoming skinny. To begin I was short and underweight but I just kept losing weight. I started becoming depressed as problems started occurring with my sister. She started getting in trouble with the law and I didn’t see her often. My parents would always be mad or just tense. I started cutting. I at age 10 started hurting myself. It was a way to feel something. I was numb. I just wanted some type of emotion and wether that be happiness or pain I needed something. I was hurting and no one noticed. Summer shorts and tees became pants and long sleeves in a matter of days. It took people 4 years to notice anything was actually wrong. No one noticed not even my parents. The people that raised me and I spend most of my time with didn’t even notice. When my parents found out I got taken to the hospital because I started fainting constantly from hunger. They had me hospitalized, I was dehydrated, my heart was off, my kidneys were releasing to much protein, and All my electrolytes were off. I was .4 off from having a heart attack. All because I would not eat. I saw myself as fat. I was 42 pounds and I was 5’2. I was supposed to be at 115 pounds at least. I refused to eat so they decided to put a tube through my nose to feed me. I refused it and ripped it out. I stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks and then got sent to a residential facility. I was supposed to stay in the facility for 5 months. I stayed for 3 weeks. I got kicked out because my blood sugar got too low. I started eating but after 3 weeks I gave up. I stopped eating and they sent me to the hospital. I was there for 3 more weeks. I got tubed twice in that time. I got sent to Californian. I was sent to a facility where they could take me with a tube because every facility in the east and north refused to accept me because of how bad it was. Then after a few months I came back home. I was finally reunited with my family. I was doing online school but decided to go back to public school to be with my friends. I was exited. I met this guy. He was the sweetest person. After half a year of knowing him we began to date. He treated me like a princess. He didn’t know about my past. A friend of mine decided to tell him against my day. He started becoming more aware and that didn’t change how he felt. He wanted to help me get better. Which I’ve been. I am not close to 80 pounds and happier than I have been. I learned not to give up. Things will get better. One day things will get better. It might not be now, in a day, or even in a month but things will get better. Since I was in 5th grade I’ve wanted to give up and I tried but I always had hope. That hope led me to a better and happier life.
By Gray A6 years ago in Psyche
Always a Part of Me
Dinner parties are really fun, until you are forced to have family dinner with 5 other families who you've never met in the stuffy back room of an eating disorder clinic. Weeks prior to this get-together, my mother had told me that she wanted me to go to Walden Behavioral Care to, “get skills to cope with eating disorder behaviors” which at the time I thought was a load of bull, now I can at least admit and recognise that I did, and do have an eating disorder. Took me a while to admit that.
By Kyleigh Keovilay6 years ago in Psyche
I caught a loved one vomiting, or binging.
Bulimia and binge-eating disorders can be potentially life-threatening or life-limiting for anyone caught in the grips of the disease. People who binge-eat lose control of what and how much they eat and the intervals they leave between meals. This can lead to purging by excessive exercise, use of laxatives and diuretics and forced vomiting. [1]
By Melissa Richards6 years ago in Psyche
Dancing Bodies
There are an estimated amount of 30 million people in the U.S. alone that suffer from an eating disorder. Approximately every hour, someone will die as a direct result. In the general population, there will be one person for every one hundred people to have some form of this mental illness. For dancers, it’s one for every five. Let that settle in your mind; that’s a whopping 20% of our dance community that deals with an eating disorder.
By The Girl in Grey6 years ago in Psyche
The Oscillating Autistic
The Beginning We put the food out for the birds and neighbourhood cats the previous night before bed each day. And every morning, there are freaking mortal combats on my not so thick roof, not sure if it's birds vs. birds, birds vs. cats or cats vs. rodents. They get real noisy, but I was already wide awake before they even started their daily racket, so no sweat there.
By Rex6 years ago in Psyche
Eating Disorder Diaries
"Okay. Today's going to be a good day. You're going to be strong. You’re not going to eat," I tell myself as I stand in front of the mirror in my underwear. I turn left. I turn right. I twist my knees in to make my thighs look farther apart. I count my ribs, wishing I could see them all outlined against my skin without having to suck in my gut. I grab my upper arm, measuring how far around my hand can clasp.
By Kaleigh6 years ago in Psyche
Eating Disorders: Living in Secret Shame
There are two people inside of me. The smart, level-headed, sensible one that loves herself. She takes care of herself with positive vibes, good food, time to herself, friends, family, and outside time to be with nature.
By All’s Fair in Love & Writing6 years ago in Psyche
Losing Weight
This isn’t as easy as people make it out to be. People tell me to just be more active. To change my diet. Go to the gym. Work out. It isn’t that simple. It is never that simple.
By Dahlia T.6 years ago in Psyche