depression
It is not just a matter of feeling sad; discover an honest view of the mental, emotional and physical toll of clinical depression.
How Dark Can It Get?
How dark can it get? So dark that you don’t know if your eyes are open or not, but you feel your eyelids blinking right? It doesn't matter. You concentrate and open your eyes wide, "even if it's a small little light," even if it's dim. I don't care, just please. Nothing, tears have been slipping out but you’re too busy thinking to notice. You put your arms in front of you. Reaching for anything to give a sense of where you are. Even if it's the slightest touch, please, nothing but the cold empty air. You start to panic more because you can't see and now there's nothing to grab a hold of. Fear fills your body, can you hear anything? ...gulp. You sit down on the cold hard floor. Your heart beats louder as you listen, pounding like a drum ready to burst. You try to calm your banging heart, your ears adjust to the quiet, ready to hear the faintest sound. You hold your breath and hope with all you’ve got. Closing your eyes hard, wishing for this to end at any moment. Your past the crying and your body is adjusting to nothing. You want to keep on, begging to be saved from this, emptiness. Suddenly you remember that person who liked you last week, the person who wanted to ask you out but you gave no chance. They don't even seem so bad, you cry again. Anything would be better than being here, wherever this is. Your parents, oh Mom, Dad, I'm sorry for being who I've become. I'm so sorry, save me. Take me away from here, I can never get out, it’s so lonely. You hold yourself, you’re all you've got left. But then you start to hear something, it’s faint but it's something. You jolt into action. Where is it? What, is it? You search around with anticipating eyes, your heart is racing and your breath became short and fast. You turn around and see a small little light. It's tiny but you don't care, you start running, you’re racing to it. You feel the adrenaline rushing through your weak body, you trip, it doesn't matter because your already back up and running. The light gets bigger and tears stream down. "A door?" I don't care. Your blood is rushing through your veins, you've been running so hard. Just when you were ready to give up completely. As you are within range to see, there's people waiting for you. They’re shouting, cheering you on as you get closer. They’re yelling for you to make it and you run harder than you’ve ever did before. You bolt past the door and fall to your hands and knees, your feet hurt but that doesn't matter, your blood rushing and you’re out of breath, bones are aching but, I don't care. You feel joy as everyone surrounds you and you notice it's your family, friends and neighbors, everyone who you’ve ever encountered in your life. Your tears can't stop flowing but who gives a shit, you’re free. Your Bestfriend embraces you and you them. As they all walk you home you feel something around your ankle. Ignore it, you’re free now. You’re home safe, you eat and fill that empty stomach of yours. You wash up and get ready for bed, your Mom and Dad hug you goodnight and you tighten it. Their hugs have never felt so good. You’re safe, you’re home, Mom and Dad are there. You get ready for bed and turn out the lights then hesitate. You turn on your lamp, “no more darkness.” You lay down and turn to your side, as you are about to sleep you start thinking, "how long have I been gone?” stop, I'm home now. “How did I end up there?” no, stop it, you’re free. You turn on your back and once again feel a tug on your ankle. You finally decide to see what it is. It’s a thread tied around your ankle. You try to take it off, it's stuck, so you grab a pair of scissors but it's still no use. You get curious so you follow the thread. Taking along your flashlight, it leads to the forrest just up ahead. "What?" You continue to follow the thread that tugs you back to wherever it's going. You have walked quite a bit but finally reach, a door? The sign on the door read "depression." The thread leads through it, no, not there. Stop, I'm not going back. It tugs again and let's you know that at any moment you can be dragged back without a care. You pull the thread and stop it. No, I just got home, I'm not going back. You turn around and walk home, the thought never leaves your mind, "at any moment I will end up there again." You climb onto your bed and wrap yourself in the blanket, I'm staying home. You shut your eyes and fall asleep. Still, at any moment.
By Introv3rted B8 years ago in Psyche
Mental Illness: The Demons Within
The first mental illness I will talk about is depression; clinical depression is when the symptoms of short-term depression are persistent. The symptoms of clinical depression are feeling sad most days, decreased interest in activities that the individual once enjoyed, change in appetite, disturbed sleeping habits, change in activity, fatigue or loss of energy, feeling guilty or helpless, having low self-esteem, decreased ability to concentrate or make decisions, and thinking about death or suicide. Symptoms vary depending on age and severity of the illness, but these are generally the symptoms of depression.
By Alyssa Lactin8 years ago in Psyche
My Mental Health Story Pt.1
I first realised something wasn't quite right when I was 13 years old. I was being bullied at school, every day without fail, even at home when MSN was a thing. It was constant. I obviously expected to feel upset and down about the issues I was having with the bullying, but I was prepared for the impact it would have on the rest of my life.
By Emily Carter8 years ago in Psyche
Mommy and Mary Jane
About a week ago, I had a severe depression spell. My depression comes on in waves, and sometimes it feels like oceanic storms. The waves just never ending, coming and coming and coming. With never ending days, and nights that bring on my loneliness even more. I am alone a lot, and honestly I thought it would help. I could think things through. But no, the silence allows the waves to bring on scary times.
By Agent Moon8 years ago in Psyche
The Story of A Girl
The radio blared as the salty water ran down her face. She couldn't help it. She just didn't feel herself anymore. She stared at the wall, through the tears, and couldn't help but wonder why she felt like this. She felt blank; not happy, not sad, not mad, not really anything. She just didn't feel at ease anymore. She thought of everyone around her. It was all coming to an end. She thought she was starting to be okay with it all again, but then it all hit her at once. What the fuck does any of this mean? Why the hell can nobody see that she's miserable? The ones who caused it refused to truly see her. She tried to ease the pain by distracting herself. She started drawing and writing, but all she wanted to do was yell — yell until it hurt, yell until she couldn't anymore, yell until she felt numb again, yell until the world around her was silenced and she could be heard again. Yet, she held back. She was afraid that if she let pain out, it would be absorbed by everyone around her. But even if she allowed that, the guilt would eat her alive. She didn’t want to hurt everybody else around her. She just swallowed the pain and got through every day; some better than others, but some just so badly that she was afraid to wake up everyday to discover what kind of day it would be.
By Michelle Schultz8 years ago in Psyche
Mental Illness Part One
"Depression (major depressive disorder or clinical depression) is a common but serious mood disorder. It causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and handle daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working. To be diagnosed with depression, the symptoms must be present for at least two weeks.Some forms of depression are slightly different, or they may develop under unique circumstances." –National Institute of Mental Health
By Bailey Simpson8 years ago in Psyche
Fat Girl
She sits in a dimly lit room while in a death like trance. The blue light of her laptop illuminates her bored eyes. There is music playing. She listens to notes of a piano, beautiful however mellow and dark. Similar to the music a main character in a Gothic movie or book would enjoy. The only difference is that she is not in a movie. Nor is she the main character of a book. She is too distasteful and this is real life. She is overweight and her hair is not brushed or washed. The girl has not slept at night in months. She doesn’t have a special style of clothing. No, she is wearing a pink sweater and shorts. Her legs are not shaved and her nails are not trimmed. She is no good. The tapping of the keyboard in front of her is the only noise aside from the music playing on Spotify. It is an application you can download to your cellphone, tablet, or laptop that streams various music from around the world. She is writing to absolutely nobody. The only light in the room in a dim lamp aside of her. Her desk is a giant cardboard box covered with a black sheet and her chair is a metal framed bed by a window. Winter is coming so it is dark already.
By Marisa Kaitlynn Rose8 years ago in Psyche
Depression Is Not Beautiful
I do not understand why everyone is so confused about depression. Most people do not fully understand what depression actually is. People assume it’s just feeling sad. But as someone who suffers from depression, I know for a fact, it is NOT beautiful. It is not just feeling sad. It is so much more than that. Depression is waking up in the morning and not wanting to get out of bed, or even to brush your hair. Depression is almost as if you’re completely empty. You are exhausted from doing the bare minimum. Your body aches with the feeling like you do not matter amongst the people you’ve been around all your life. It’s the feeling that there is no hope for you. People can say that they understand what you’re going through, but do they really know? Just know there are millions of people out there who are suffering, just like you are. Some may have it worse than others. But it is not a competition to see who is more depressed and to see who is more poetically sad. People sit there and say that depression is something they want. But, me and millions of other people know this is not something you want. As a matter of fact, I DO NOT WANT THIS. But here I am, stuck with something that is being romanticized and is being worshipped. To the point where people ask if you’re faking it. Depression causes so much pain. Everyone has their own way of trying to fix the one thing that is there for life. Myself, I would cut myself to try and ease the pain and the numbness I would feel. I always tried to find the way to fix myself, but I realized I was hurting the people around me. I tried getting help, but I found out a really hard way that sometimes you need to find your own way out of this deep, dark pit of constant darkness. When getting help, I was technically a “lab rat.” I tried mass amounts of pills, which made me feel as if I was the zombies from horror movies that I use to fear. I have been in counseling, which didn’t help until I found a therapist who made me feel as if I actually mattered. But I was switched to a new therapist. Which brought me back on a downward spiral. I am still searching for my happiness, but I still have not found it. I know I’ll eventually get there. I still have many sleepless, year filled nights, where I’m grasping into my pillow screaming how I do not matter. Maybe I do matter, but I still haven’t realized that I should matter to myself before anyone else. I know people say that you need to love yourself, but they forgot to mention how hard it actually is to love yourself. But I am here to tell you, that YOU are not alone. There are people out there like you. Because, I, am just like you. If you feel like you want to get help, or if you feel like you need help, please do get help. Reach out, that way you are safe. Because, dear readers, YOU DO MATTER!
By Kaylee Pauley8 years ago in Psyche
Suicide
Suicide. Not a fun topic. It’s not something people like to talk about. What people do not realize is that it is a very serious problem today and it needs to be brought into the light. “What better way to end the pain than end your life?” is a very common thought. You’d be very surprised by the number of people who want to take their lives daily. You also may not be aware that one of those people could be someone very well close to you.
By Deserae Manning8 years ago in Psyche
