coping

Life presents variables; learning how to cope in order to master, minimize, or tolerate what has come to pass.

The cherry on top
If you have kept up with my blogs thus far then you will know i have a condition called endometriosis. What you may not know is i also have fibromyalgia. I have had it for years and its pretty bad. So both of these conditions put together is kind of a bitch. They both involve chronic pain and chronic fatigue and are both incurable and just managed. So its hard some days to try to be positive and try to be hopeful for the future. When your in so much pain all over your body and emotionally damaged as well "bad days" can be pretty dark. Right now with therapy and medications im in an okay place. I dont want to say a good place because im still struggling quite a bit with everything. Happily though i can also say that im better off today than say two years ago. I try to hold on to my wins even if there small ones. Its so easy to tell yourself how awful you are or how unworthy you are. Its so easy to talk badly about youself and to give up on trying. I know this because ive been giving up for a really long time. I dont want to give up anymore. So those tiny wins help me fight and move forward. Im apprehensive about looking toward the future but for once, im letting myself daydream. Im allowing myself to get my hopes up here and there. That’s huge for me because baseline me is a defeatist with an addictive personality and no self-control. After i turned 30 something just clicked in my head and made me want more. Made me want better. I want to own my own home even if its a shanty with no doors at least it would be mine and i earned it. I want a career and have pride in what i do for a living. Im SO sick of going from one dead end meaningless job to the next. I don’t want to just live to pay bills. I want to have hobbies and have cool experiences with my kids. I want my kids to be happy and know they can trust me and count on me. I don’t want to be sick mean sad mom anymore. I have a theory that every person has a flame or a drive in them to do something or be someone and along the path of life sometimes that flame just dies. My flame was stomped on and put-out years ago because of I’ve been numb for so long. Recently though i can feel the littlest bit of ember coming back and im really excited about it. I know everything in life is baby steps but you have to want to take those steps and until now I didn’t want too. With all things considered i could barely muster up enough motivation to go the bathroom much less give a shit about life. I guess all in all what im trying to say is living through abuse and dealing with everything that comes after is hard enough all by itself but to also live with these awful conditions, makes it close to impossible for me to want to care about myself and what my future could look like. I’m blessed enough to have someone who loves me and supports me and is a daily reminder that i matter but i know how many of us don’t have that support. It kills me to know how many people are living through this life alone trying to navigate through depression anxiety, fear and hatred. This is why i do what i do. This is why no matter how much i hurt no matter how much i want to stay in bed and quit, i still get up and check all my platforms because every day is a new day that maybe I can make one person less lonely. Maybe save someone from having to feel the way I do.
By Parker5 years ago in Psyche
my mental health & Covid
Recently, I had the unfortunate pleasure of testing positive for good ol' Covid (I'm currently fine and am back at it with normal life). However, I live with someone who lies within the "higher risk" category, so I went straight for the extreme solution. I packed up some of my things and went off into our guest bedroom where I would stay for ten days. During my isolation, I had A LOT of time for eating, sleeping, binging TV, and many other mundane activities. The one thing that I did the most though was think.
By Bad At Being A Girl5 years ago in Psyche
What Are Nightmares Telling Us?
In 2008, I was lying in bed and drifting off to sleep. My then-boyfriend was in the other room. Lying on my stomach, my head turned to the right, I was idly glancing at the wardrobe.
By Martina Petkova5 years ago in Psyche
Coping With Grief and Loss
Grief is something that is unique in that everyone feels and processes the pain in a different way. Most people have heard about the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But there are people that don’t go through all five stages before they begin to heal, and others that do go through all five and still aren’t healing. The path to healing is uniquely your own.
By Shiloh Madison5 years ago in Psyche
Reaching Out
I sat there, completely blank. I looked down, the page completely blank. How many times had I sat down, determined to open up, free myself from the 'inner turmoil'? How many times had I been told that I wasn't trying hard enough?
By Natasha Laidlaw5 years ago in Psyche
When life is good
Sometimes life hands you lemons, what do you do? I use to think make vodka Tom Collins. Now I think, squeeze that bitch and make lemonade. I guess that’s not how to start a post that has recovery in the tag. Let’s be real though, recovery or not, vodka always on my mind.
By Ms. Meowtini Straight-Up5 years ago in Psyche
The Medium
I. My room is dark. The haunting sound of my heavy breathing confirms my existence; but I don’t want to be alive.
By M. Meera Roy5 years ago in Psyche
Il Barbagianni
Today determines the course of the rest of my life. I wish this were hyperbole, but it’s absolutely and devastatingly true.
By Mia Hoffman5 years ago in Psyche
Is Swearing the Best Way to Beat Stress?
In dark times encompassed by chaos, we're all looking for relief from stress and anxiety. From riots and cannabilism to allusions to civil war and vaccine shortages, all topping our newsfeeds, we're all looking for something to lighten our worries.
By Katie Brozen5 years ago in Psyche
The Wellness Plan
In 2019, I was diagnosed with a mental health issue known as anxiety and depression. I refused medication and treatment because of two reasons, not being sure if my healthcare insurance would cover the costs and my assumption of the illness going away on its own. In my opinion, I did not take the diagnosis seriously and I went on with my life. At this time, I was experiencing my last year at Middlesex Community College in my associate’s degree program for liberal arts and a concentration in psychology. I did not want to think that I could become emotionally compromised. Over time, I withdrew from socializing with friends, family, and career opportunities. Here, I started to feel intense episodes of worry, low self-esteem, and sadness and I wasn’t sure if it was from being socially withdrawn, the diagnosis being poorly treated, or a mixture of both. But, when people asked about my wellness I began to blame my emotional patterns on my menstrual cycle or the weather. I had many people fooled, believing that my mental health was not at any kind of potential risk. However, karma does come around and I found myself to be the fool, curling into a ball on my grandma’s kitchen floor and wailing about my life. I had an episode in front of my family. It was scary, ugly, and also the truth. But, this is where I realized that my mental health should be taken seriously and psychological attention was needed as soon as possible. Within a week, I found free counseling sessions through my college resources and signed myself up. It was the first step that changed my life forever.
By Claudi Brown5 years ago in Psyche
The person I want to quarantine with
In the 10th month of the Coronovirus epidemic, I find myself wondering who I really want to quarantine with. It's too much having to weather this epidemic while seeing less than two people a day at times (the previous week, the only person I saw was my bank teller!) It's truly an unusual time we're in and how are we as human beings to get through something like this -- these crazy times -- unscathed?
By Susan Lee5 years ago in Psyche
Wise Witness
It sat there. Watching me. Like it did every night since. I don’t know where it came from or why it won’t leave. But ever since it happened it has not stopped watching.
By Angela Lee5 years ago in Psyche