# Straight Shooters

We weren't close

But you were my twin

We had a complex history

But we chose commitment instead

It always hung out

And I saw your pain

They thought it was cute

But you lost everything

Never saw it happen this way

But it did

Thought I would never

But I did

I should've taken you to the bird

One last time

I'm sorry I failed you

Or was it your time?

I love you.

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## Part Two: What I Actually Mean

I owe you context. Because poems are easy to write and hard to understand. And this one deserves more than pretty lines.

**We weren't close.** That's the truth. We didn't have that storybook bond where everything was effortless and warm. Some relationships just don't start that way. Ours didn't. There was distance between us — real distance — and neither of us tried very hard to close it for a long time.

**But you were my twin.** Even with all that distance, we were the same. Same stubbornness. Same way of holding things in. Same refusal to ask for help when we desperately needed it. I didn't always like you. But I always recognized you. Because you were me in a different body.

**We had a complex history.** That's the polite way of putting it. There were years we didn't talk. Years where the tension sat in the room like a third person nobody acknowledged. Complicated doesn't begin to cover it.

**But we chose commitment instead.** At some point we both decided the history didn't get to win. We weren't going to be another story about people who gave up on each other. So we stayed. Not because it was easy. Because it was the right thing to do.

**It always hung out. And I saw your pain.** I noticed things other people didn't. Or maybe they noticed and just didn't say anything. You carried something heavy every single day. It was visible if you paid attention. And I paid attention. Even when I didn't say a word about it.

**They thought it was cute.** People on the outside looking in never get the full picture. They saw the surface. They laughed. They thought it was nothing. They didn't know what it was actually costing you underneath all of that.

**But you lost everything.** And it happened slowly, then all at once. The way loss usually works. One thing at a time until there was nothing left to hold onto. I watched it happen and told myself it would turn around.

**Never saw it happen this way. But it did.** You plan for a lot of things in life. You don't plan for this. I had a hundred different versions of how things would go. None of them looked like this.

**Thought I would never. But I did.** I thought I was too tough to break over this. I was wrong. I broke. And I'm not ashamed to say that.

**I should've taken you to the bird. One last time.** There was a place that mattered. A spot that meant something to both of us. I kept telling myself there was more time. There wasn't. That's the thing about "later" — it's the biggest lie we tell ourselves.

**I'm sorry I failed you.** I don't know if I actually did. But it feels that way. When someone you love is gone, you replay every moment and wonder where you could've shown up differently. That's the weight I carry now.

**Or was it your time?** Maybe none of it was in my control. Maybe nothing I did or didn't do would've changed anything. I go back and forth on this daily. Some days I accept it. Some days I don't.

**I love you.** Present tense. Not past. That part doesn't change just because you're gone.

Straight shooters don't dress things up. They say what they mean. This is what I mean. All of it.

Thank you for reading.