healing
How to heal fully and properly.
Dear Joseph
Dear Joseph, I want you to remember that life may not always give you what you want. You can work hard and strive for a better experience, and people may never see the effort that you put in. But I want you to know that it's fine to feel this way. Life is not easy, and often times it's filled with laughter and love, but you will have your fair share of trials and tribulations. You have to hold your head high in these moments and keep pushing forward so that you may bring your dream into fruition. People may not agree with the goals you have, and they may criticize you for the aspirations that you have. That doesn’t mean that you need to give up. You just have to close your mind to the close-minded people that don’t believe you can do it.
By Joseph K Manibusan Jr6 years ago in Motivation
Lone
christmas day... the most happiest day of all... and the most lonely for some people. some day i will tell you of my story but for now all i will say is my adoptive parents divorced in my early teens and i lived with my dad for roughly the same amount of time as i had lived with my mom. but this year things changed and for the first time in a little under a decade, i met up with her and talked... about nothing. i was quite upset that she never mentioned about “the incident” or offered an apology. i still wonder to this day that if she had would i have forgiven her? anyways fast forward a few months and i’m starting college, a brand new adventure awaits but i unfortunately can’t seem to enjoy it. ever since meeting her, my broken life that i had slowly pieced together was threatening to collapse on me again. i didn’t want another breakdown, i didn’t want to feel like i didn’t want to live anymore, how could she come into my peaceful life and take it away from me all the while smiling at me as if she never wronged me? questioning my mental sanity, my roommate who happens to be a psych major, suggested i get help. i don’t want to be prodded with questions, i know they don’t care, it’s their job to listen not to care. so with no option but to figure it out myself i began to sink deeper into the monotony that was my life. if i was not in class, then i was working, if i was not working or in class then you would probably find me in a bathroom stall just sitting and finding peace in a place that had a locked door. day in and day out everything had a pattern... but i couldn’t show that to other people so i went into incognito mode, trying to be invisible to everyone. Thanksgiving break came sooner than i wished and after having been constantly pestered by her to have thanksgiving dinner with her and her family, i caved. the day of found me in a disoriented haze. nothing in my suitcase seemed to be good enough so i went out and bought new clothes, my hair survived my brutal attacks to it as i wrestled it into a style, and finally i carefully applied my makeup. i find that a lot can be implied if you look at me in the eyes when i’m wearing makeup and this time was no different. I had on a dark brown base with black eyeshadow lining my upper and lower lid as well as black waterline eyeliner and black mascara. all black, everything everything all black. the rest of the family had arrived early that morning and yet i still found myself sitting and waiting well into the afternoon. she had said “come to thanksgiving dinner” and dinner wasn’t until late afternoon right? i had time right? after sitting around for another couple of hours i got a text from her asking if i was still coming. i figured it was now or never. quickly replying, i hopped into the car and started it up. the drive over i felt nothing, my hands clutched the cold leather steering wheel but i may have been touching the clouds, i couldn’t have told you. eyes focused on the road without really seeing anything... thank goodness there was barely any traffic. the heat was blasting so hot that my hands on the wheel were burning but my body felt ice cold. when i arrived, she asked me if i was scared. i don’t remember saying anything at all to her but as we went inside, i plastered on a smile. my brother, my sisters, my i suppose adoptive step dad... all people i hadn’t seen in years... all in one place. the night went by fairly well and by the early evening i left with my oldest sister. during the ride home she pestered me, as i knew she would, with unabrasive questions about how i felt. i answered with, “i have no regrets, only bad decisions, but she doesn’t have much time left.” looking back on it a month later i feel the same way about it as i did then. nothing. christmas was much of the same. she invited me and i declined. i needed a break and time to put back the fake mask on again. we ended up meeting at ruby tuesday where in the end of our lunch i started feeling twitchy. my muscles were jumpy, i couldn’t sit still or keep my eyes on one particular thing, and my teeth started clattering. upon seeing this she restrained from making any more conversation. looking back on it, i think it was a minuit breakdown. i can’t have another major one, i don’t think i will survive it. so back to the shopping cart. i have spent my whole life being alone, pushing others away because i don’t want to be hurt because of her. but this lone shopping cart taught me that being alone isn’t worth all the trouble just because of the pain. because of the pain i became stronger and for that i’m thankful. so this is my 2020 promise to myself. i want to find myself and when i do i want to love myself so hard it hurts because no one else can do it for me. i hope you will stick around to see my journey because this decade has got to be better than the other two. i promised myself it would be.
By Sofya Maxnide6 years ago in Motivation
Time
Think about this next coming year differently. In the year 2100, someone will think to themselves, "I wonder what it was like for people in the 20's. I can't believe they lived through that." Some dooms-dayers will say that there won't even be a 2100 with how things are going, but it's nice to hope. That's another thing, we can only have hope for the future. There are many stories and fables teaching us to be positive and have hope, but not to focus too much, to where you miss out on what's going on around you. You will never be who you are, where you are, how young you are ever again. You will change, in fact everything about you will change. Perhaps not your inner core values, and behaviors, however, years from now you'll think to yourself "Wow, I did that. I was so young and naive, and so very stupid! I would never do that now!" Be honest with yourself, looking back at a younger you, say 13, there were words that you could say and they didn't mean the same thing as they do now. Things change, you change, society around you changes with the younger generations. Apparently, with each generation, we are becoming more and more sensitive to others. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. Good because it shows that we as a society, are trying to create a respectful place, and a safe place for everyone to express their religion, and beliefs and themselves freely without fear of being rejected. I think we've come along way. Heck in 2009/2010, the phrase "that's so gay" was common among young kids. It wasn't a jab at the potentially homosexual community around them, it was just a saying that someone somewhere started in an effort to say "that's so lame" in a different way. With Generation X, that was smothered out practically immediately. And now for the bad. We as a society in America, act differently than most countries. Ask any foreigner how they think that Americans act, or to describe an American and they will try to give you an image that may or may not be close to the truth. Now I'm not saying being different is bad, in fact, I'm practically the black sheep of my family because I'm so different, but if we aren't careful in trying to censor ourselves, we just might throw out the constitution. Freedom of Speech is a core value in this country. As awful as it may sound, the base beliefs of the Constitution were set up to let anyone believe, and say whatever they want while being treated as an equal. And practically do anything they want. There are laws limiting that so there isn't absolute chaos. So if someone wants to be a "witch on wheels" as my mother so lovingly would say, then that is their right as a citizen of the United States. If someone wants to donate their earnings for the month that is that person's choice and right as a citizen. If someone feels as though the politician isn't doing his job, then it is their right to protest peacefully near the courthouse. The moment that we as a society start smothering people's voices, and opinions, is a moment where we take a step in making an unhealthy suppressed vocal society. Which infringes upon the Constitution. It is a good thing to want a safe place to express your unique self, but you can not shove any type of belief down anyone's throat. You can not smother others. At least you should not. With this coming year, who knows what is to come to pass, who knows what will happen to you personally. All we know is that someday, we'll think back to our time in the 20's and say to ourselves "Wow, I lived through that. I did that. I can't believe that happened to me." In both a positive and negative connotation. Bad things will happen, that is a guarantee. But so are good things. And change. Everything will change. So here is to our roaring 20's, may they change everything.
By Rachel M Everitt6 years ago in Motivation
Letter To My Past Selves
Dear Brittany, This is a letter to the past versions of you that need validation. I know you didn’t realize it, but you could have always validated yourself. There were people around you that validated you all the time, but you just refused to believe them. But it’s time to let go of that. It’s time to accept compliments from people you love and understand with your whole heart, that they are telling the truth.
By Brittany Valentine6 years ago in Motivation
A Look Back on The Last Year of a Decade.
"you don't mature with time, you mature through lessons. you mature when you make mistakes and learn where you went wrong. you mature the moment you can admit that you were wrong and accept that people will always have differing opinions on you and that's okay. you mature when you look within yourself before you look at others, it is the moment you decide to hold your tongue instead of engage in unnecessary dispute. you mature when you choose kindness over arrogance, and choose to forgive over holding grudges. you don't mature through the time that passes, you mature through the lessons you seek and understand." -naaveesa
By M F6 years ago in Motivation
Decluttering Your Mental Space
This time of year tends to highlight two types of people: the hopeful personalities energized by the thought of a fresh start come January 1st, and the slightly more cyclincal folks who believe a change in calendar year (in this case Decade!) doesn’t offer anything special. Wherever you fall on this spectrum, I think there is something incredibly important in the midst of the closing holiday season to pause, reflect, and recenter.
By Brianna Dill6 years ago in Motivation
Control your emotions, don't let them control you! 3 simple steps to take before you react.
Let me start by saying first I am a huge believer that you have a right to feel what you feel and you should ALWAYS listen to your gut and follow your heart. BUT the problem so many times our emotions take over and we lose track of our real gut feeling or our real feelings in a situation. Keep in mind emotions and feelings are not the same thing although we get them intertwined. You cannot win and attack any problem when you are led by your emotions. If they are leading some how the situation always gets worse and some how it never gets us where the hell we were trying to get in the first place. Truth is, when emotions come up its usually something that at the root is very important to us.. so the EXACT time we need to shut them up and let US take the lead and not them. We should all stand up for ourselves and not shove things under the rug.. but stand up for what you want or feel you deserve without losing the battle before you even start. These steps can only take a few minutes, even if it sounds like they will not, get past the first step and the rest come quickly and even more quick as we train our minds. Come on now, isn't the whole reason we disagree or argue is because we want to win the disagreement. These tools get you so much more of what you want and they are simple first steps.
By NB6 years ago in Motivation
My rapid weight loss fueled by anxiety and self-hate
I hadn’t worn shorts in years...many many years, like 20 years!! I’ve always hated my body, even in high school. Yeah yeah yeah, I’ve had a singleton and a triplet pregnancy, but that wasn’t any excuse. In the before photo, I weighed 228 lbs and wore a size 18. As of this morning, I’m 159 lbs and a size 8 - that’s a 69 lb weightless! (I’ve lost more since this photo, 1 more pant size). Want to know how I did it?! I’m about to tell ya...
By Carime Paige6 years ago in Motivation
Drown
Water had always been an element that lives with a never-ending love/hate with itself. Its dual nature can heal, but it can also ruin. It can't be labeled, nor it's traits compared to anything else. It is absolutely unique. From the very first droplet, it was quite remarkable. It has the power to nourish and revive. It can bring life to the desolate. It can be used as a gateway to other lands. It can be contained and controlled and utilized for amazing things. On the opposite end of the spectrum, water can destroy. It can tear apart the sturdiest of structures. It can overflow. It can decimate. It can penetrate the tiniest space, and with just a trickle, it can take over with unapologetic force and disregard for the things in its path. And though water can be contained, it can also find a way out. It is as loved as it is feared. When it was needed, it was shown appreciation and acknowledged as a gift from the gods. When it was not, it was blamed, and soaked up, and displaced, and shown a level of dislike usually reserved for the truly awful things in this world. Water felt at war with itself and struggled with itself. It tried to be just enough. It found that this was not possible. It was either too little or way too much. Its own force started to weaken and lose the desire to exist. It didnt care to be something so wild. So unpredictable. So impulsive. When given the opportunity to question the Creator, it did so. "Why did you make me as I am? I dont know where I belong. I'm loved for half of what I am and hated for the half I can't change. Nothing in this world accepts me completely. How can I continue, knowing that my place in this world is only acceptable as long as I control what I have no chance at controlling?" The Creator took in a deep breath, and a single tear rolled down one . It fell, landing on the dirt, and it was quickly absorbed. "My friend. Countless eons of time were spent on planning when I first imagined you. Your birth took more time and energy than anything else I've made. You were never meant to conform. You were meant to be wild. Carefree. Reckless. Clean. Unyielding. Beautiful. Because I had nothing to compare you to, you are now and will always be an anomaly. The fact that you are at odds about who you are means that you've listened to others negativity, which almost made you lose yourself. You will never be completely understood because understanding something without limits can't be done. You are every possibility. You are the answer. Those lucky enough to have you may never appreciate you, and those who live without you will never see you beyond their own needs. The reason I entrusted you with this is because you are the only one who could handle this struggle. You are going to battle yourself as long as you believe there is something to battle. When you accept that you are perfect as you are, you won't need anyone to accept you. You will be accepted though, by those who truly see you, because you come from a place in this world that is in everyone and everything. Because of your existance, other things can survive. You are a reminder of life and death, of everyones fear of the unknown. And so yes, you will always be outcasted by the majority. But a few of my creations will always accept you. The earth, the fire and of course the air that swirls around. So, although you may only find a true home with a handful of other things, it is there that you will be completely wanted, needed, loved, cherished, honored and accepted for every complexity of your nature. And this is how I intended things to be. I made your path difficult so that you would ultimately see how valuable you truly are and only give yourself completely to the things that were worth the cost. And when your truest nature finally reveals itself to those who can truly see it, you will see just how priceless the pain you felt really is. This pain will make you see the exquisite pleasure of being who you really are. In this realization, you will find the peace you have always deserved.
By Kaci Oswald6 years ago in Motivation
Food, will you marry me?
I didn't always have a positive relationship with myself. I've always remembered hating my body and comparing myself to others. I also used that hate and beamed it towards others. It's so wild uncovering layers about yourself. Never realising most of my troubles and worries stem from something deeper. I learned that I comfort ate frequently. I'd eat when I felt those unwanted emotions like sadness, shame or loneliness. Dealing with those difficult emotions you need a safe place you can unload all those boxes and therapy was the place for me. Sh*t is daunting and uncomfortable. Sometimes we have to dig deeper and ask more questions. Like every human; I put labels on things like food; there was 'unhealthy' and 'healthy'. There were times where I would put myself on a certain diet. Go cold turkey from all the 'unhealthy' food like chocolate or packets of chips. I've honestly never stuck with a diet. It always made me want to die. I restricted myself from certain foods that I found enjoyable. Which made me unhappy and expanded my self-hatred.
By Merichel Sanchez6 years ago in Motivation
Dealing with Trauma
Once upon a time there was a little girl who was just 5 years old. Five years old and staring up at her mom as she held an icepack to her eye and watched her mom look for her makeup cover up stick. If it was not a black eye.. it was bruises upon bruises to cover up before school. "Walk in and smile and after school I'll take you shopping". Every day was the same. Every night seemed to get worse. Six years of age, she became bulimic because while eating dinner her mother would scream at her about how much of a failure she was or how much she should have never been born. Dinner became a nightmare, what once was food was now just something she could never keep down because her nerves and stomach would never let her. The only safe place was her bed.. when mother went to sleep and would finally relax. Remember how most little kids would think monsters come from under their bed? well most of the time the real monster would awake from the master and come storming into the bedroom and grab the girl by the hair and drag her to the hall where she would sleep on the cold hard floor because .. even under the bed could not save her. Over the years things didn't remain the same, they got worse and worse. Nine years old, Fifty-Eight bruises, a broken ankle, Five bite marks on her bottom and else where.. Free at last. A teacher at school finally spoke up and decided to take action before it was too late. The child went into custody and went with her long lost father.. she had met him a few times but not enough to remember his face. The little girl faced the next years of her adolescence jumping back and forth between the drunken mom and the absent father. If your under the age of 16, you cannot legally chose which parent you want to live with, therefore when mommy dearest seemed better.. it was safe to say she got her little girl back. Wasn't until the little girl turned 18 years old until she finally found freedom. But freedom isn't free.
By Megan6 years ago in Motivation
