Every Little Thing..

04/23/20

I’m a mess.

Let’s just state the obvious, 2020 has been so depressing and hard. Like yes previous years weren’t all peaches and cream but shit.. Give us a break! I started my Junior year of High School in the Fall of 2019 and it was the most stressful thing ever. People used to always tell me that Junior year would be the hardest, but I always deemed it as an exaggeration. Well I was wrong and they were right, Junior year drained me.

I was getting low grades on every little thing and every big thing. I was showing up to school one to two hours late because I did not want to be there at all. Up until High School, I really enjoyed going to school and learning new things. Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t always an A+ student but I was doing just fine. Let me tell you, my last A+ in High school was my Freshman year. Fast forward to September 2019, the beginning of what I thought was going to be my redemption year. I lied. Suspensions...Low grades...Absences...Late passes stacked up to the moon...you name it I had it. I was a mess and for a while that scared me. I started questioning whether I was even good enough to be in school. I take education opportunities seriously so I was like why am I doing this?

The start of February, I got better. Way better. I was still drained but I started going after what I wanted. I figured everyone is always telling me how I’m not too this and that for someone who is 18 this December.. Blah Blah Blah. The point is, It’s totally fine to be a fuck up, totally okay. Life isn’t some 30 day free trial. Shit gets hard. You just look yourself in that funny looking mirror that you have in your hallway and say “I’m a mess”. Don’t avoid saying it. It makes you feel better because you are a “Beautiful still learning how to figure this Life shit out” kind of mess.

We’re all a little messy. Live Life!

04/24/20

Less of a mess today..

I started my college application process today officially. I cried. I wasn’t stressed out or anything but I was just so lost. Like you ever had a moment where you know exactly what you’re going through but don’t know exactly how to navigate that..yeah I was that kind of lost. I’m at a point in life now where I don’t know how to verbal let my feelings or thoughts out so I just write.

That’s how I found Vocal or more so how Vocal found me.

I’d been tapping through stories because I don’t really care much about seeing people self-tan for a quarantine activity when I came across the Ad. I thought how strange to present an Ad with such bright colors when let’s face it, everyone was dark and depressed by now.

I stared at it for a good four minutes before finally saving it. I didn’t swipe up.

Not yet.

Three days later I went back to that same bright colored Ad that boldly presented “START CREATING” and I signed up. I didn’t think twice or even regret it a bit. I just did it.

The point I’m trying to share here is me, a social low-life with not much interest in sharing my ideas or opinions joined this app to do just that. Bold, strange, but Bold if you ask me.

If anyone actually reads this, and I do mean anyone at all, truly thank you. It means the actual world to me. Even if just one person actually takes time out of their day to read this, I truly love you for that. Also, I need friends*Barry Allen voice*.

BTW you’re still a “Beautiful still learning how to figure this Life shit out” kind of mess :)

-K

-Nina Simone/ Feeling Good-