Collecting Trash

I used to collect light bulb jokes. Here’s one of my favorites:

Q: How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

Now I collect light bulbs. Burned-out ones. And fancy Christmas tissue paper. I admit to being a borderline hoarder, but my collection of these particular items has proven more useful than my joke collection.

Many years ago, before upcycling was a household word, I happened upon a magazine photo of Christmas ornaments made from used light bulbs. I don’t remember the specifics, and there were no instructions, but the notion spoke to my string-saver’s heart like no other craft project had before. So I started experimenting.

My first attempts were awkward and time-consuming. I used multiple layers of tissue paper and glue to disguise the base of the bulb, often painting the tissue. The designs were made using shapes cut out of paper painted gold or silver. I sprayed the completed bulbs with clear gloss before adding ribbon or other adornments.

Over time I perfected my technique and became more efficient. Twisted wire became a built-in ornament hanger as well as a way to suspend the light bulbs while they were drying. Once the ornaments were finished, the wire was an easy way to secure a pretty bow.

I realized that tissue paper provided pattern and color without the extra work. Plus that was one more way to use materials I couldn’t bear to throw away. Sometimes my designs were nothing more than pieces from a single patterned sheet; other times I cut different colors into triangles to make mosaic patterns. I stopped trying to disguise the base of the bulbs, deciding that part of the charm lay in recognizing the ornament’s origin.

This hobby kept my nieces in teacher presents all through elementary school. I hope that was at least preferable to another teacher-themed mug (been there, gotten those—no offense to any former students). Relatives and friends have received them as well, with what I like to think was genuine pleasure. I haven’t held on to enough of them to decorate an entire tree of any size, but with three dogs and a small house, I don’t see a full-sized tree in my near future.

Like all things, the lifespan of this pastime is finite. I have not yet figured out how to make attractive ornaments from CFL bulbs. LED bulbs are heavy and last practically forever. My nieces are nearing graduation from high school and no longer give presents to their teachers. My stash of light bulbs may last another few years, unless I finally decide to change my hoarding ways. I don’t think I’ll call that therapist just yet.