Bullies Suck

We’ve all had to deal with bullies. The problem is when the bullies become a problem at work. You need to figure out ways to deal with the problem, and to do so in such a way that the problem is dealt with permanently. No one deserves to be humiliated where they work or play, and if someone makes you feel like you are worth less than nothing then they need to be dealt with, preferably by the book. Hopefully, you’ll find a way to deal with your bully that removes them from the situation.

[Note that this article is for adult victims of bullying, not childhood or adolescent bullying. We can all agree that “zero tolerance” policies are a joke. The best you can do is to use your phone to record instances of when it happens and learn basic self-defense well enough to take on your bullies. Sorry, but sometimes you need to be willing to literally fight for your rights, and becoming a big enough pain that the bully debates if it’s worth is sometimes the only way to get him to knock it off or escalate the problem until authorities need to do something about him or her.]

Why Bullies Exist

Bullies have simply learned that most people are more worried about community than personal ambition and seek to exploit that. Worse, they like being in control, and anything that allows them to be in control is well worth it. These two factors mean that a bully will tend to use social threats to manipulate others (if they use physical threats, it actually makes it easier to deal with them). This is rarely as simple as straight blackmail, but rather manipulation of standard social mores, such as someone being nice to them, fear of being yelled at, and fear of not being accepted. In the workplace. This could be someone just enforcing rules too strictly. The key is to figure out how to take away their power; do that and you take care of the bully.

Bring On The Evidence

The easiest way to deal with a bully is to nail them through evidence. With modern technology, this is actually easier than it has been than any previous era. Most smartphones can be easily set to record, even while locked; figure that out and you have a pretty powerful weapon against the bully. Remember how it was mentioned that bullies using physical threats are the easiest bullies to deal with? A few times recording them is all you need; at that point, you have evidence of continued threats, and most supervisors look down on that sort of thing. Better yet: You’ll have something that Human Resources has to act on, and if you decide to sue or press charges you, have more than a “he said/she said” case.

For rule-enforcers, you just need to establish that they are either enforcing the rules to the detriment of the community as a whole or that they are making things up. The problem here is that enforcing rules in and of itself is not a bad thing; the rules are there for a reason and enforcing them is usually a good thing. However, good managers find that someone who enforces the rules too often, and especially the minor ones, can often lead to inefficiency and the team falling apart; these are things that can ruin a business. As such, they will usually find ways of dealing with them once they become a problem.

However, some rule enforcers find that they can create rules that become a problem for someone else. In this case, you need evidence that the new rules are an actual problem; some new rules show their problematic sides relatively quickly. Some new rules require tracking appropriate metrics closely. Careers have been destroyed by finding out how a rule that looked great on paper becomes problematic in reality, and it’s based on tracking the numbers. Your other option is malicious compliance, where you go fully into the new rule to show its problems; this requires ignoring common sense, but it can be educational to all involved. Once the new rule has shown its problematic side, the person instituting it can be dealt with.

[A small example of this is a manager who doesn’t allow shorts during the summer. The men start wearing skirts and kilts to show how silly the rule is, and it usually ends with shorts being allowed.]

The key is that some bullies create rules just so that they can show that they are in control. Show why the new rules don’t work and you remove that power. And if proving the rules wrong gets annoying, you can always quit the organization. Just remember to have some sort of backup before you do so….

Stand Up For Yourself

Some bullies gain power simply because people don’t want to expend energy defending themselves. This is a legitimate point, as defending yourself can be draining both physically and emotionally. There is also that one bully who can cow a crowd of people into giving up. And, of course, there’s always fear of retribution. This means that a person can get their way simply by telling others that they are doing something. So what do you do?

The obvious solution is to simply stand your ground. Draw a line in the sand and refuse to let people cross it. If someone takes two cupcakes when you’ve only allowed for one per person, don’t be afraid to call that person on it. And keep calling them on their silliness; the more uncomfortable you can make things for them, the more your unwillingness to let them get away with it, the more it helps to depower them. Better yet, the more you do it, the more likely others are to do the same, or at least back your plays. Yes, this does mean that you will have to do that dreaded confrontation, but it can be worth it, especially if it’s been an ongoing problem and you have others backing you up.

[If the bully is more the physical type, make sure you know at least some basic self-defense or you have others backing you up. In this case, you can’t count on security as the bully is likely to threaten you when security isn’t in the area. Basically, plan for the worst but hope things don’t get out of control.]

This is also where recording comes into play. Recording helps when you’re building a case; you can then present your evidence to a higher authority, such as higher management, HR, or even a lawyer. It does require a little moxy to present your evidence to the proper authorities, but it is the most effective way of dealing with a bully. The catch is that you need to have some serious evidence gathered; just one or two instances won’t usually be enough, so you’ll likely be gathering evidence for a little while. This is also why people keep emails and screenshots of text messages; in fact, if someone tells you to delete either then make sure you have backups.

[If you feel fenced in, such as you really need the job and it’s a small business, your only recourse is to take the person to court. This is why you should start looking for a new job as soon as there’s a problem that may work against you and why you should vet future employers. You should never feel like you have no other choice.]

Most businesses have ways of dealing with sexual harassment, hostile environments, and general unpleasantness. Figure out what these methods are and don’t be afraid to exploit them.

Eliminate Their Power

Bullies rely on power. To properly deal with a bully you need to eliminate that power. Fortunately, there are ways to do so. You want to avoid intentional sabotage and using the gossip chain; doing so hurts the business you’re working for and makes you look petty. This is not a good look for you and hurts your case if you decide to bring it to a higher authority. You want to do it as by the book as possible so as to strengthen your case and make you look as innocent of offense as possible.

Instead, start questioning them whenever possible. Not in petty, easily ignorable and aggravating just to be aggravating ways (this can actually escalate the problem), but whenever what they’re saying doesn’t add up or contradicts what they’ve said previously. This creates doubt about their truthfulness and that can cause doubt; the more doubt, the less they are trusted and the less power they are given. Apply malicious compliance whenever possible; this also helps kill their power. Try to avoid volunteering for projects they’re leading; this makes a statement and makes some question their capabilities, especially if others know the situation. When possible, question their authority, especially when they decide to take charge even when they have no authority.

You want to wear away at their power, not collapse it in one stroke. Do that, and they’ll be surprised when they’re not in favor anymore and are trying to enforce authority that they don’t have.

Hopefully, this article helps you deal with bullies. Just to remember to avoid violence at all costs; you’re not a child who needs to fight in the playground: You have more devastating ways of punishing the bully. Remember that when you deal with a bully, your goal is not necessarily to get the bully fired; a lot of bullies are good people who are being idiots, and if you can get them over that they can be great people. This isn’t to say you need to be their therapist, just don’t take any more silliness than you need to deal with. Remember that you don’t deserve to take grief; you deserve a safe workplace.