This is me

I'm in my thirties and I just left a decent paying job for mental health reasons.

It was either leave the job or go to a psychiatric facility to validate that the job was just, pun intended, nutty.

It started out fantastic, but I made the mistake of disclosing some pertinent personal information, forgetting that I need not explain myself to anyone, yet did and boy oh boy did it backfire.

I'd picked up a part time job before I made this decision however, minimum wage, is not cutting the bills. I'm married, but we're in a pandemic. I've lost a handful of people to this horrible virus and my husbands job and sanity are on their last threads working from home, not being able to get in the overtime that he used to. It's just nuts. I know we're not alone, but it sure feels that way at times.

Let's get this out of the way, aside from war, check off everything that can "cause" PTSD and I've been through it. Not boasting, just giving you a heads up in case you find yourself reading my other writings.

I live in a relatively expensive apartment, husbands choice, in a town where I know nobody and I am LONELY. You can have someone be around and still be lonely, I think most of us can agree to that feeling at some point in our lives whether it be serious or not.

I believe my life's purpose is to help others and when I'm through, they're just gone.

I've set up a few couples who are happily married with children now. I'm sure proud of that because I played "Susie-matchmaker" and get to see it played out in real life.

I think that happiness is a frame of mind. I am afraid to be happy. Sounds ridiculous to some, others I know, can relate.

So this job I left/got prematurely terminated from because they're children... Phew what a relief it is not dealing with them anymore, but I miss the money that paid the bills/rent. I have an agreement with them so I'll never tell you who they are, but I can sure tell you how I was treated from my perspective.

It all began when I was at my job of 9 years and I met this business owner. We built rapport and I ultimately began working for this owner after I'd gotten married. It was lovely, until it wasn't. I lived, lost sleep, breathed and all for that job, to get a huge smack in the face because (my hunch) they are afraid of another shutdown and didn't want to have to pay much if any unemployment if it came down to it, or money was tight and the owner didn't want to share that. All I know is, my stress level from work is now non-existent, but my stress level for bills, is up there.

Unless you're willing to go absolutely insane, I'd think twice before I took that small business owner job. Just from my own experience. Lesson learned.

But now, what do I do to make ends meet? I'll let you know what I've decided to do, try and go for in my next writing.

I wish you the best, always as I ask our higher power for the health and happiness of all. I bid you adieu, until next time.