Listening with the Heart

"Listening requires focused attention, genuinely open without judgement and prepared to acceptance their perspective and their pain. It takes energy and patience. Your presence, a listening heart and an understanding heart is an antidote for a troubled heart." Azah Yazmin

When I read the headlines to the above story, it immediately caught my attention. I am a retired Registered Nurse/Nursing Instructor and wanted to read exactly what the author actually identified as "rude" remarks towards nurses. I wondered if I would agree with Casey Clark, the author? I thought to myself that I had probably heard every one of any possible comments listed before even delving into the article. I wasn't wrong or surprised.

I suppose I read the article through the eyes of an old nursing instructor, though. I was always hopeful of finding good learning opportunities in which to engage my students. You see, nursing isn't just a science, it is also an art. Nurses need a proper bedside manner just as physicians do. This article would be a great post-conference topic in which to use as a tool.

If I were still teaching, I would throw out each "remark" and ask them to write down their response and then share as to why they think it to be appropriate. It would help me to see who I needed to help with communication skills.

I also thought about the responses I had given in my career which spanned around thirty years of my life. So I will list my come-backs:

* "You do this for the money." Giggling a little, I would tell them in all honestly, of course that's part of it. But it also helped me with humbleness because I always went home grateful for good health and made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile in life.

* "Why didn’t you become a doctor?" In all seriousness, I would answer that "the question was a very good one," but for me, personally, I started my college life after having four kids and so time and money were an issue.

* "When will the real doctor come in?" (I am not a practitioner, so they would only ask when the doctor was coming to see them.) I would understand that they had concerns and wanted answers. I would provide them with when that particular physician "usually" made rounds, but ask them if they had any concerns that I might help them with until then.

* "I don’t want a male nurse." I am female, but as an instructor who had male students, I can answer this. Most of the time, cultural and religious beliefs dictate these standards. Sometimes, patients have other very private and personal reasons for their decisions. It's never about the nurse and forcing an ego battle. We enter a patient's world when they are at their most vulnerable state and often in pain. Respect that! End of discussion.

* "You only work three days a week?" That must be nice." Simply say, "Yes, I enjoy my work and my schedule." (And smile!)

* "I could never do your job." Sometimes people are just wanting to make conversation. But probably the best reply would be, "Oh, have you ever thought about becoming a nurse? I could tell you about some programs, if you are interested."

* "You’re just a nurse." "Yes, I am and I'd very much like to help you today. One of my duties is to advocate for you. We could start by you telling me what is the single most important goal you have so that we can accomplish that together."

Nurses see patients at their worst, so they need to see us at our best!!! Listen with your heart...