My life is a Joke

Chapter 1: The day Started cold... and Went Wrong Immediately

The day I woke up with a cold that wasn't normal. Not the "oh, how refreshing" kind of cold. No. This was the kind of cold that makes you question your life choices, your priorities, and every bad decision you've made since birth.

I pulled the blanked down just a tiny bit -barely an inch- and the air hit me like had opened the door of an industrial freezer. That air wasn't from my house. That air came straight from Antarctica, delivered express by some vengeful spirit who decided I didn't deserve comfort that morning.

I got out of bed, and the floor was so cold it felt like my feet were walking on ice. Not metaphorical ice. Actual, emotional -damage- level ice. I stood there thinking, "Did I sleep in an igloo? Did someone turn my house into a meat locker overnight?"

I walked to the bathroom hoping for warmth, because one always has that stupid hope that the bathroom will be a safe place. But no. The bathroom was WORSE. The floor felt like freshly polished marble straight out of an iceberg. My toes curled in self-defense. My bones filed a complaint. My soul tried to leave my body.

I turned on the shower, praying for hot water to save my life. But of course, the shower took a thousand years to warm up. A thousand. I stood there shivering hugging myself, thinking: "Why is my house colder than the street? What did I do to deserve this?"

While I waited, I paced around like a confused penguin. I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't even recognize the creature staring back: watery eyes from the old, red nose, hair sticking up like I had slept inside a wind tubine. And I thought, "So this is how my day starts? This is the energy the universe is giving me?"

When the water finally warmed up, I jumped into the shower like it was a miracle. But the universe wasn't done with me. The water went from "heavenly warm" to "volcanic lava" in three seconds. I was dodging the stream like I was in an action movie, trying not to freeze, trying not to burn, trying not to scream.

I got out of the shower and the cold attacked me again. That cold had no mercy. That cold had a personal vendetta. It crawled into my bones and reminded me that I bought the cheapest heating system on sale.

I got dressed quickly, but the clothes were cold too. My pants felt like they had been stored in a freezer. My shirt was so cold it felt like a ghost was hugging me.

I went to the kitchen thinking a hot coffee would save me. But when I grabbed the mug, it was cold. Everything in that house was cold. The air, the furniture, my patience, my will to live.

And that's when I realized my day was already ruined. Because when you start your morning fighting the climate inside your own home, you already know the universe is against you.

I sat down, took a deep breath, and thought: "If this is how the day starts... how is t going to end?"

And then I laughed. Because know my life. I know that when something starts bad, it doesn't get better. It evolves. It multiplies. It becomes a whole new disaster.

That cold wasn't just cold. It wasn't a warning. A message. A sign that chaos was already on its way.

And me, as always, completely unprepared.