Ex-Footballer, Full-Time Disaster

In 2017, I was 32, head of a department in London, managing a team and quietly running on fumes. I looked confident. I sounded confident. Inside, I was tired in a way sleep doesn’t fix. I was exhausted and this was my “I have got this” era. I did not, in fact, have this.

I met Ross on an app as one does at that time. We dated for 2 months. He was different. Slightly chaotic. I told myself I was being open minded.

He was about 27, and really not my type but hey its an app and a man ha. He looked gangster that suggested chaos might follow. I had never dated someone like that before, which should have been my first clue, maybe red flag, but oh well, lessons were later to be learned.

Ross told me he was an ex-footballer. Then a lawyer. Possibly both. Possibly neither. He said this with such confidence that I didn’t bother with follow up questions. At that point in my life, confidence passed most security checks.

I really did question mark his life choices though (maybe after dating him). The way he dressed and the money he was flashing around and how he condoned himself, but I never really bothered to ask the questions. For example, his house, he said he bought it but let his parents live in it. Generous? Suspicious? Should I just put this under sounds fake but plausible because he doesnt want to admit he lives with his parents?

The amount of weed he smoked was off the charts. he described the need for it as “pain relief” for his footballing days that ended his career. I kind of laughed at this, weed helping cure a pain? Really? But lets play a bit of dumb here, not like I was a doctor knowing what worked and what didn't...

And lastly the choices of places we went for dinner and the choice between 3 cars to use for dinner, was it really necessary? Especially when he paid, he had a bit of annoyance I didn't contribute (I did always offer of course)

Of course I ended up at his house and stayed over...wink wink.

Not the final time but closer to the end of it all, he got a bit strange. Ross started getting a bit angry and a bit complacent. I told him I didn't like this attitude of his and it was causing me to no longer be around. He convinced me to stay over and he will drop me in the morning. I agreed.

A few days later, he asked when to see me again and we agreed to meet. I wasn't really enjoying his company anymore, that day gave me the ick, and in my mind I was ready to end it but we had dinner plans a week later, somewhere very fancy and I really wanted to go so I told myself I can hold another week. No way I could have afforded this place without him (naughty me and I am really not this type of girl, I just never had this before).

We met and I finally paid for something, I managed to get us dinner and he was fine with it. We were in bed together and I heard his father lurking around, so he went to go speak with his father. About 30 minutes went by and I was curious, where did he go? I sent him a message and he wrote back I am downstairs just having a drink, so I came down.

He was scrolling through the dating app. Actively. Casually. Like a man browsing takeaway options. Other women. Right there. No shame. No hiding.

The disrespect landed instantly. No confusion. No spiralling. Just a very calm internal voice saying, Oh absolutely not. So I ended it. Ordered a cab and went home. At that time, he didn't really seem to care but call me names. Ross did not enjoy this outcome because he couldn't control the narrative.

I dodged all his called and message for the next few days, you should haveb seen the messages he wrote.

He attempted a comeback involving calls, messages, and what can only be described as emotional free styling. One night, while I was out with the girls, he rang repeatedly and sent increasingly mean texts. Angry. Petty. Really uncalled for...I laughed at the table and there were witnesses. That is when you know it’s over when a man’s meltdown becomes dinner entertainment.

Ross didn’t break my heart. He reminded me of something far more useful:

Mystery is not depth. Confidence is not credibility. And if a man has several impressive careers, it’s reasonable to confirm at least one of them exists.

If nothing else, he taught me this. When someone disrespects you that cleanly from the start, don’t analyse it, trust your gut and don't hold back because of fancy outings to come. Just call the cab and protect yourself!