The Secret to Real Self-Worth

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been chasing approval like a child chasing fireflies on a summer night — always just out of reach, always believing that if I caught enough, I’d finally be happy.

I looked for it everywhere. In compliments from teachers. In the eyes of strangers. In the applause after a presentation. And, most destructively, in relationships that never really saw me for who I was.

It wasn’t always obvious. From the outside, I looked like someone who had it together. Good grades, decent job, a social life that looked alive enough on Instagram. But inside? I felt hollow. Like all the achievements and smiling pictures were just ornaments on an empty shelf.

The Cracks Began to Show

The real unraveling started in my mid-twenties when I landed what I thought was my “dream job.” It checked all the boxes — respectable company, good salary, impressive title. But within months, the shine wore off. I dreaded going to work. I questioned my abilities daily. Worse, when the praise didn’t pour in like I expected, I spiraled into self-doubt.

The same thing happened in relationships. I remember one person I dated who barely acknowledged my efforts — whether it was planning thoughtful dates or supporting their goals. I kept trying to be “enough,” molding myself into what I thought they wanted, only to be met with silence or criticism.

It wasn’t their fault entirely. Deep down, I knew the problem wasn’t with my job or my relationships. It was with the fragile foundation I’d built my self-worth on — external validation.

And when that wasn’t there, I crumbled.

The Wake-Up Call

The turning point wasn’t some grand, movie-worthy moment. It was a quiet, rainy afternoon, sitting alone in my apartment, scrolling through social media, comparing my life to people I hadn’t spoken to in years.

I felt exhausted — not physically, but emotionally. Tired of measuring myself against curated images, tired of seeking approval from people who didn’t even know me, tired of constantly feeling “not enough.”

That day, I asked myself a terrifying but necessary question:

"What if I stopped looking outward for my worth… and started looking inward?"

The Journey Inward

It sounds simple, doesn’t it? But learning to believe I was worthy — without needing someone to tell me — was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

I started small.

1. Talking to Myself Differently:

I noticed how cruel my inner dialogue had become. I’d never speak to a friend the way I spoke to myself. So I began to practice self-compassion. When I made mistakes, I reminded myself I was human, not defective.

2. Doing Things for Me, Not for Applause:

I stopped choosing hobbies or interests based on how “impressive” they looked to others. I took up painting, even though I’m mediocre at best. I went hiking alone, without posting a single picture. It felt strange at first, but slowly, I found joy in doing things purely for me.

3. Setting Boundaries:

For the first time, I stopped bending over backward for people who drained me. I learned that saying “no” wasn’t selfish — it was an act of self-respect.

4. Celebrating Small Wins:

I stopped waiting for big achievements to feel proud. Getting out of bed on tough days? That was worth celebrating. Setting boundaries? Worth celebrating. Choosing myself? Always worth celebrating.

What I Discovered About Self-Worth

I used to think self-worth was something you earned — through achievements, praise, or being liked. But it’s not. It’s not a prize you win; it’s a truth you uncover.

Self-worth isn’t built on your job title, your relationship status, your appearance, or the number of likes on a photo.

It’s built on knowing, at your core, that you are enough — even on your worst days, even when no one is clapping, even when you feel messy and unsure.

Real self-worth is quiet. It’s not boastful or loud. It’s the steady, calm belief that you deserve love, respect, and kindness — from others, but most importantly, from yourself.

I Still Have Bad Days

Let me be honest — this isn’t a “happily ever after” story. I still have days when doubt creeps in. I still catch myself comparing, craving approval, or overthinking.

But the difference now? I see it for what it is — an old habit, not the truth.

And on those days, I return to the foundation I’ve built, reminding myself that I don’t need to earn my worth. I already have it.

The Moral:

You are not defined by others’ opinions, your achievements, or the fleeting highs of external praise. Real self-worth comes from within — from choosing to love and respect yourself, flaws and all. The secret isn’t about becoming someone else’s idea of “enough.” It’s about realizing you always were.

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Thank you for reading...

Regards: Fazal Hadi