The Loop
Going in circles until you forget where you started.
It starts with a cursor.
Blinking. Waiting.
I'm on the settings page. I know I am. I can see the URL. I can see my name in the top right corner. But the button I'm looking for isn't there.
It should be simple. I want to cancel a subscription. I haven't used the service in six months. It's taking money from my account every month, thirty dollars at a time, for a cloud storage plan I don't need.
Thirty dollars isn't going to break me. But it's the principle. It's the leakage. It's the feeling of paying for something that isn't there.
I scroll down. Account Preferences. Billing History. Change Password.
No Cancel.
I search the help page. The search bar asks me what I need. I type cancel.
The results populate. How to upgrade your plan. How to add more storage. How to invite team members.
I type cancel subscription again. More specific this time.
The results change. Contact Support. FAQs. Community Forum.
I click Contact Support. A chat window pops up in the bottom right corner. A little avatar smiles at me.
"Hi there! How can I help you today?"
I type: I want to cancel.
The avatar types back. "I can help with that! Are you having trouble logging in?"
I type: No. I want to cancel my subscription.
The avatar types. "Got it. To cancel, please navigate to Settings > Billing > Plan Details."
I am already there. I am staring at Plan Details. There is no cancel button. There is a button that says Downgrade. There is a button that says Renew. There is no Cancel.
I type: I am there. There is no button.
The avatar pauses. The three dots dance. "Let me transfer you to a specialist."
The chat window closes. A new one opens. "Hi! I'm Sarah. How can I help?"
I copy and paste my previous message. I am in Settings > Billing. I want to cancel. There is no button.
Sarah types. "I understand. For security, I need to verify your identity."
She sends a code to my email. I get the code. I type it in.
"Thanks! Now, to cancel, you'll need to download your data first."
I blink. I read the message again. Download your data first.
"I don't want my data," I type. "I want to stop paying."
"It's a required step in the process. Once your data is downloaded, the cancel option will appear."
This is the loop.
It's not a circle you can see on a map. It's a circle you walk inside your own head. You start at point A. You want to leave. The system sends you to point B. Point B sends you to point C. Point C sends you back to point A.
But by the time you get back to point A, you're tired. You're confused. You've forgotten why you wanted to leave in the first place. You just want the walking to stop.
I spend twenty minutes downloading files I don't need. Empty folders. Old drafts. Photos I've already backed up elsewhere. The progress bar crawls across the screen. 10%... 20%...
While I wait, I think about the design. I think about the meeting where this was decided. I imagine a room with whiteboards and coffee cups. I imagine people talking about churn reduction. I imagine someone saying, "If we add friction here, fewer people will leave."
They weren't thinking about me. They were thinking about the metric. They were thinking about the thirty dollars.
But I'm thinking about the thirty dollars. I'm thinking about the twenty minutes of my life I am never getting back. I'm thinking about the fact that I am working for the company I am trying to fire. I am downloading their data to prove I am allowed to leave them.
The download finishes. I go back to the chat.
"I downloaded the data," I type. "Where is the button?"
Sarah types. "Great. Now please refresh the page."
I refresh. I look. Plan Details. Downgrade. Renew.
No cancel.
I type: It's not there.
Sarah types. "Please try clearing your cache."
I clear my cache. My browser forgets who I am. I have to log in again. Password. Two-factor authentication. Code from the phone.
I am back in. I am back at Settings > Billing.
I am back at the start.
But I am not at the start. I am twenty minutes older. I am more tired. My patience is thinner. The cursor is still blinking, but it feels mocking now.
Where did I start? I wonder. What was I trying to do?
Oh right. Cancel.
I type to Sarah again. I cleared the cache. Still no button.
"Let me check your account status."
More waiting. The three dots dance. They are hypnotic. They keep you waiting without promising anything.
"I see," Sarah says. "You have an outstanding balance from last month."
"I paid last month," I type.
"The payment is pending. You must clear the balance before cancelling."
"How do I clear the balance if I cancel?"
"You cannot cancel until the balance is clear."
"So I have to pay to cancel?"
"You have to pay what is owed."
"I don't owe anything."
"The system shows a balance."
The system shows a balance. The system is always right. The system is the truth. I am just the user. I am just the variable.
I look at my bank account on another tab. The charge is there. It cleared three days ago. I have the receipt. I have the confirmation number.
But the chat window doesn't care about my receipt. It cares about the system.
I could upload the receipt. I could argue. I could spend another hour proving that I don't owe money to a company I don't use.
But I look at the clock. It's been an hour. The sun has moved across the window. My coffee is cold.
I think about the thirty dollars. I think about the next thirty dollars.
I think about the loop.
If I fight this, I stay in the loop. I stay engaged. I stay connected. As long as I am arguing with Sarah, as long as I am clearing caches and downloading data, I am still a user. I am still part of the system.
The system wants me to fight. It wants my energy. It wants my time.
The only way to win is to stop playing.
I close the chat window. I close the browser. I shut the laptop.
The screen goes black. My reflection looks back at me. I look tired.
I pick up my phone. I open my banking app. I find the transaction. Recurring Payment.
There is a button there. Stop Payment. Block Merchant.
It takes three seconds.
I click it. Are you sure?
Yes.
Confirmed.
It's done.
I didn't cancel the account. I just stopped the money. The account will probably go into collections. They will probably send emails. Payment Failed. Update Your Card. We Miss You.
I will delete them. I will ignore them. I will let the system talk to itself.
The loop is broken, but not the way they designed. I didn't find the door. I just climbed out the window.
I sit back in my chair. The room is quiet. No chat notifications. No loading bars. No blinking cursors.
I feel a strange sense of guilt. Like I cheated. Like I should have followed the rules. Even though the rules were designed to keep me trapped.
That's the power of the system. It makes you feel like you're the one who is wrong. It makes you feel like you didn't try hard enough. It makes you feel like if you just cleared the cache one more time, the button would appear.
But the button wasn't hidden. It was removed.
I stand up. I walk to the kitchen. I pour the cold coffee down the sink. I make a fresh cup.
I think about the other people in the loop. The ones who are still clearing caches. The ones who are still downloading data they don't need. The ones who are still arguing with Sarah about balances that don't exist.
They are still walking in circles. They are still forgetting where they started.
I hope they find the window. I hope they realize the door isn't coming.
The system isn't working. It's not broken. It's doing exactly what it was built to do. It's keeping us inside.
But I'm out. For now.
I take a sip of the coffee. It's hot. It tastes real.
I look at the laptop. It's still closed. The cursor isn't blinking anymore.
The loop is quiet. But I can still hear it humming, waiting for me to open the lid again.
I won't.
Not today.
I let the silence stay. I let the money stay in my account. I let the system wonder why I stopped answering.
And for the first time in an hour, I remember where I started.
I started wanting to be free.
And I am.
Even if the system says I'm not.
About the Creator
Edward Smith
Health,Relationship & make money coach.Subscibe to my Health Channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkwTqTnKB1Zd2_M55Rxt_bw?sub_confirmation=1 and my Relationship https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCogePtFEB9_2zbhxktRg8JQ?sub_confirmation=1
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