Let Parents Exist In Public Without Being Shamed

The picture above is the most recent of many viral posts I've seen of parents who have babies and toddlers putting together goodie bags for strangers on their flights. Universally, it seems almost everyone thinks of it as wholesome and "what parents should do if they have to fly with young children." I agree that it is a kind gesture by the parents. But I don't find a woman scared of being harassed over having a child with her to be "wholesome" at all. I just think it's a sad reflection on humanity that parents feel like they need to bribe grown adults to not throw tantrums the second their baby makes any noise.

One comment on this post lauded the mother for having "basic kindness" and consideration for other passengers. Legitimate question: How is her feeling like she has to spend hundreds of dollars (on top of the hundreds--possibly thousands--she already paid for her plane tickets) for total strangers to not treat her like dirt showing "basic kindness" on her part? Sure, it's a generous offer. But "basic" kindness? No, basic kindness would be not being a miserable person who makes her feel like she has to do this in the first place. But sadly, it's so commonplace for everyone to gag and roll their eyes the second a parent with her child walks onto a plane. If you're one of these people, here's the cold water: Sometimes parents of young ones need to travel, sometimes overseas for long hours. They're allowed to be there just as much as you are, and they don't owe you an explanation for why they brought their baby or toddler.

Planes might be big and expensive, but they're still a form of public transport. Do you have the money to pay for your own private jet? Do you want to drive many hours--sometimes days--cross country? No? Okay, then you'll have to gear up in your big girl/boy pants and travel with the public. That includes young children who haven't learned how to regulate their emotions yet. Traveling brings full adults to meltdowns sometimes, it can be stressful and overstimulating. Yet, we're supposed to show grace and patience for the stressed out adult who has had years to figure out how to manage themselves in stressful situations--but none for children in the same situation?

Personally, I have more empathy for children in these situations than I do for a grown person. A baby is a brand new person. They don't know how to regulate emotions. Their ears hurt, they're in an unfamiliar location and uncomfortable. You're an adult, you know how to keep your nasty words and opinions to yourself. You know there are measures you can take to keep your peace when out and about (ear plugs, noise cancelling headphones, stress toys, etc.) If you choose to just ignore all of that, I don't have that much sympathy for you. "I paid a lot to be on this plane," so did literally everyone else on the plane--parents included. It's 2025, ear plugs and noise cancelling headphones exist and are fairly easy to find and not too expensive. If you fly without them, then you being annoyed at a crying baby is an oversight on your part.

It's not just air travel, I've seen people get mad about children in restaurants (not even fancy ones, just regular burger joints and whatnot) and grocery stores, everything. The thing is: Children are adults in the making. Children are hands-on learners. You want them to act mature in public, but how can they do that if they never go in public and learn how to behave? Sure, don't bring your kid to a five star restaurant, or a bar--spaces that are definitely adult oriented. But a grocery store? McDonalds? A park? Welcome to living in a society, my dude. Kids will be in places, that's how a society works.

And before anyone accuses me of being a hit dog hollering: I'm not a parent. I don't need to worry about things parents worry about. When I'm in public, I only need to worry about myself. I'm not perfect, I'm guilty of rolling my eyes or making a face at my friends or husband when a child is being a bit loud. Who hasn't? I'm not begrudging anyone their right to quietly express exasperation in a way that isn't humiliating to the parent. But the second you open your mouth and start screaming at the child or parent, that's when I become a little less understanding.

It's okay to not want kids or to not enjoy being around them. But like it or not, kids are part of the public. If you can't handle the mere idea of a child being in your vicinity, then who is responsible for making you comfortable? Yours, and yours alone. If you have a pathological reaction to being around kids...Don't go into public spaces, or at the very least prepare yourself for the inevitable.

Are there parents who don't watch their kids while out and about, and expect everyone around them to be their unpaid baby-sitters? Are there parents who don't lift a finger when their kid is misbehaving in public? Absolutely. Yes, those parents are in the wrong--I am with you on that one. But those aren't the parents and children I'm talking about. Some people act like seeing a child behave like a child in any context--laughing, expressing excitement, wanting parents' attention--is a conspiracy against them to keep them from having a good day. If seeing children in public ruins your day that much, I suggest you see a therapist to unpack why children make you so angry. Because that is not a normal attitude to have.

Am I saying you need to enjoy children screaming in public? No. Nobody enjoys that. Biologically, the cries of children are supposed to be grating. It makes everyone around the baby want to stop the baby from crying, i.e fulfilling its basic needs. On my plane ride home from visiting family over the holidays, there were several fussy babies and toddlers on my plane. Yes, it was annoying. No, I didn't enjoy it. But you know what I also didn't do? Scream at or chew out the parent and the child. I just put on my headphones and tried my best to ignore it. It's something that can't always be helped. It comes with your subscription to being a human out in the world.

I hate to make this cliche, but you were also a child once. And yes, deny it as you might, I'm sure you also had your share of crying and tantrums in public spaces. Yet, hopefully, people around you had the grace and patience to not yell at you or your parent. You don't know what other people are going through, and being a parent is hard. A simple smile or a "Do you want help with anything?" goes a long way. How about instead of making the world unbearable for parents, we show support? It takes a village, as they say.