Liberated from Libra

For thirty years now I’ve watched the stars at night. They scare me, but I do it anyway. How dare they be so large and numerous, so overwhelming? They flex on us from the heavens, reminding us each and every night just how insignificant we are.

It's only natural that we’ve tried to attach ourselves to them somehow. Stars are massive celestial bodies, brimming with pure energy, stretched out across the universe and we are tiny, pipedal meat-sacks, confined to earth, desperately searching for meaning. I’m a Leo! I’m a Gemini! Look at all these stars I align with. I matter, right? Meanwhile the stars haven't noticed entire generations of your lineage coming and going.

All of human history means nothing to the stars, and neither do you.

That said, I am SUCH a Libra. Seriously it's a perfect fit.

It’s so accurate that when I read the “bad qualities” of a Libra I feel personally insulted. Trouble maker? Detached and unemotional? Superficial and vain?.... Absolutely roasted. I have to shoulder check to make sure I’m not being followed by an astrologer taking notes.

The good qualities of a Libra fit me too but that's easier to hear. Who doesn’t want to hear that they're charming and intelligent. That is so me. Libras are also very social and diplomatic. Nailed it! Most importantly though, Libras have a great sense of humour. Very true. Humour is everything. Make me laugh or I’ll move my detached, unemotional, Libran ass on to the next shiny thing I see.

Humour is the key to my heart and Libras are the funniest people on the planet. Some might argue Sagittariuse's case but that's only because people feel sorry for Sagittarians.

I’ve happily existed as a Libra for the past three decades. Then yesterday I did some research to find out more. I entered my date of birth on one of those online Astrology sites and it told me I was a Virgo. Obviously a mistake, but then it happened again on another site, and another.

So then I called a friend of mine who is more invested in the stars than I am and she said: “Virgo? Ew.”

I was born September 23rd which is Libra. Sure, it's on the cusp of Virgo, but still a Libra, right? Apparently not, or at least it wasn’t in 1990. I’ve been living for 30 years under the false pretense that I was born a Libra. Turns out I’m a Virgo. I don’t know the first thing about being a Virgo.

And now after having read some facts about Virgos I’m even more disillusioned. I couldn’t be less Virgo-ish. It says I’m modest now? Over my beautiful dead body I am. Patient? No. Nothing about being Virgo fits my personality. I feel like I’ve been robbed of my birth sign.

This new information, while devastating, has helped me with my disregard for astrology as a whole. If I can’t be a Libra then I’d rather not participate. It’s nothing against Virgos, I'm just definitely not one of them.

So, I learned two things while researching my sign. First: I’m not a Libra anymore. Then I got desperate (which is so “Virgo'' of me) and I searched for any factoid that would turn me back into a Libra. My searches led me to my second discovery:

Since the earth wobbles just slightly (about one degree per year) as it orbits the sun, and these astrological positions were calculated thousands of years ago, all of our signs are off by about a month at this point. It only ensures my position as a Virgo, but at least it screws everyone else over in the process. Maybe you already knew this but if you didn’t, I hope it ruins your day. Misery loves company after all.

If some higher authority on the stars gives me back my Libran title, I’ll retract what I’ve said. Until then you can find me lying about my sign to anyone who asks.