Humor

Employee Guidelines
We’re pleased to have you joining us. Please note that your first shift begins tonight. You may notice that the building feels larger after dark. This is normal and does not require any acknowledgement.
By Courtney Jones25 days ago in Fiction
Laziness for all Subliminal Purposes
Picture this: I'd enter the International Championship of Absolute Stillness, a competition so niche that even the judges communicate only through interpretive eyebrow movements. My winning strategy? I'd achieve what I call "quantum laziness" - a state where I'm simultaneously doing nothing AND less than nothing. Here's how:
By Tabitha Hinkley25 days ago in Fiction
Pssst....Hey You! Wanna Look Really Smart?
Do you ever find yourself snickering when you hear the words "masticate," or "penal?" If I asked you the question "What type of celestial body is Pluto?" Did the word "dog" pop into your mind?
By John R. Godwin25 days ago in Fiction
How to Succeed at the Benson Directory®. Runner-Up in Instructions Included Challenge. Top Story - January 2026.
Congratulations and welcome to the Benson Directory® employee #22391! As our newest call handler, you will have the privilege of speaking with dozens of unique and interesting people on a daily basis as well as the opportunity to earn bonuses for high performance. Contained within this handbook you will find a set of ease to follow instructions designed to help you settle in to your new role and begin paving the way to success.
By S. A. Crawford25 days ago in Fiction
How to Conquer an Interdimensiomal Time Demon
So, you've decided to wake up and be a human being again! Our felicitations to you for your astoundingly good investment. Here at Lawrence Enterprises, we appreciate your patronage, and we hope to assist you in the set-up and use of your new (or refurbished) life.
By A. S. Lawrence25 days ago in Fiction
How To Never Feel Pain
If you are reading this, that very likely means that you are alive, and the scary thing about being alive is that you can get hurt. Most of us don’t like doing it, and will go out of our way to try and avoid it, but once you’re born, it seems as though pain is inevitable- but not anymore! With this step-by-step guide, we will teach you how to avoid pain in your day-to-day life- not PHYSICAL pain obviously, we’re not wizards or anything(As far as YOU know…), but we CAN teach you how to not get hurt by others!
By Brea Henderson26 days ago in Fiction
So You Decided To Become a Nurse Practitioner: . Top Story - January 2026.
So you decided to become an "Advanced Practice" nurse. Congratulations!... is what I would say if this was a good idea. Grad school? In this economy? What were you thinking? Likely it was something along the lines of either 1) “I've seen these other chucklefucks do it— Why can't I?” or even 2) “I've got a nice career, I should shake it up. I miss feeling like I have no clue what I'm doing.”
By Sandor Szabo26 days ago in Fiction
How to Become a Werewolf. Honorable Mention in Instructions Included Challenge.
Thank you for choosing Lycan Brands for your life alteration. WARNING: Side effects of becoming a werewolf may include: bloodlust; drowsiness; insomnia; increased appetite; nausea and decreased appetite caused by overeating; supernatural strength; intermittent and inexplicable aches and pains; itchiness and rash. Do not proceed if you are allergic to becoming a werewolf, or have vasovagal syncope related to the sight of blood (sudden drop in blood pressure resulting in loss of consciousness), or if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant.
By Ophelia Keane Braeden26 days ago in Fiction
~Tinkerbell's Letter to Cousin Shee!~
07/07/0001 Dear Cousin Shee, Hi, It's ME, your favoritesss cousin 2nd cousin twice removed Tinkerbell, Here I am writing back to you! I am so excited about having this opportunity as I had gone pretty far in giving up hope that I would ever see or hear back from anyone there back at home in Tinker Town! I want to start with saying THANK-YOU cousin Shee for NEVER GIVING UP on me, and finding where it is that I might be, and Thank-you for then going ahead and sending a MAP to HELP ME FIND MY WAY BACK to Tinker Town!
By Jennifer Cooley26 days ago in Fiction
How, Too. Top Story - January 2026.
Many people wonder how, too. You are not alone, and I am an expert. I will teach you how, too! First, you need to remit a small application fee and fill out an application describing the nature of your financial situation and how often payments will be made, as this will have great bearing on how well I teach you how, too.
By Harper Lewis26 days ago in Fiction
Care Instructions
Thank you, for agreeing to watch my animals again. I understand last time, how difficult Lucy made the experience for you. Lucy really is a good dog, granted she has her corks but I know once you learn to navigate her eccentricities the two of you will get along splendidly. Hopefully, these instructions will help with that learning curve, so this transition will be uneventful while you’re together. Let’s start with instructions for Ruby Bubbles care, being a cat she is by far my low maintenance pet.
By Susan Loblaw26 days ago in Fiction
Ruin Your Mid-Twenties
Social streaming, also called life streaming, is one of the best ways to absolutely obliterate your circadian rhythm. Start because you are lonely. Like cosmically lonely. Like you talk to the kettle lonely.
By Lacie Grayson26 days ago in Fiction