Fiction
The Dumbest Criminals. Top Story - January 2025.
Barry & Gary were a couple of absolute spanners! Dumb as rocks those two blokes were, they became a laughing stock in London, nobody took them seriously. Not even your old gran would be threatened by their pathetic attempts at threats, they looked as dim-witted as they appeared too. Both of whom were balding and pudgy, looking like aged bulldogs that do nothing but grumble, sleep and shit all day long. If they didn't look so bloody hilarious, they might've been shot in the head, both of them, long before this story. Gangsters kept the two spanners alive, just to point and laugh at them, I suppose. Barry & Gary were "wannabe thugs", who often preyed on teenagers instead of grown men like themselves, yet they would still get battered by the rowdy chavs more often than not. Whenever the police were knocking about, they'd both shit themselves and leg it, like a couple of rats! The two men were cousins who grew up in the nicer part of Essex, but always wanted to appear tough and rough, putting on fake cockney accents and walking with their arms stretched out, looking like your mam carrying the shopping bags home. This went on for years, trying to appear like the hardest men in London, only to fail every time. So, of course they got desperate. Started bars fights and always lost, began pick pocketing and always got caught. Always ran whenever a knife was pulled out on them or something. They decided to rob a barbers one day, that's right. Not a bank, not a shop, not even a restaurant, a barbers. It was a start I guess, how hard could that be? They often visited the same place to get their haircut, so nobody expected them to try and rob the place. They entered on a Saturday morning at 9AM.
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Dearest reader, Thank you for taking the time to look at my lovely project here. Sadly I must inform you that this story does not have any follow-on parts planned for shortcoming release. Rather, it is the result of a mind clamouring to create, without really knowing what it does.
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