What Empathy Taught Me About Judgement, Synergy, and Human Differences.

With time; life teaches us lessons that no classroom ever could. One of the most powerful lessons I have ever learned is the value of empathy - how deeply it can transform the way we see others, ourselves, and the world around us.

For a long time, I lived with what I later understood to be the binary thinking. I saw situations as right or wrong; black or white, my way or your way . If someone disagreed with me, it felt like opposition rather than an opportunity to learn. I judged quickly, reacted emotionally, and often missed the deeper human story behind people's actions.

One person who challenged this mindset was my sister. She has always been someone who does not judge easily. Even when people hurt her or behave unfairly, she chooses understanding over resentment. She often says that every human being is different and that our actions are shaped by experiences we can not always see. At first, I did not understand her at all. I thought she was simply too nice to people who did not deserve it. I believed kindness without judgement was weakness.

That believe stayed with me until I encountered a book that changed my perspective. The third alternative by Stephen R. Covey. Through this book, I discovered the idea of synergy_working together behind "my way versus your way" to create a better, shared solution. I realized that empathy is at the heart of synergy. You cannot truly work together if you do not first seek to understand.

Looking back, I recognized moments where empathy could have changed everything.

I remember a conversation I once had with a friend at school. We were talking about dreams and the future, and she asked me what I wanted to become. I told her I wanted to break language barriers by becoming a translator. Languages have always been my passion, and intercultural communication feels like my purpose. Her response felt harsh, she first responded what an interpreter? I first realized that she was not listening to me but she was rushing to respond and I felt offended as empathy means active listening. She told me that passion was not enough, that I needed diplomas, degrees, and official certifications. We quickly fell into an argument. I felt judged, and instead of listening, I defended myself.

With time I realized that she was not entirely wrong. In many contexts, formal education is important. But I also knew from my own experience_ especially on freelancing platforms _ that skills, experience, and results matter deeply too. We were both holding pieces of the truth and we could learn from each other and grow. Yet because we approached the conversation with binary thinking instead of empathy, we missed the chance to learn from one another.

Another experience involved someone who used to to help us with household chores. Like anyone else, they made mistakes. I complained often and grew frustrated. Every time I spoke to my sister about it, she reminded me that I no one is perfect and that people work differently. Again, I did not understand her. I judged quickly, without considering the person's reality, background, or limitations.

Over time, something shifted. As I practiced empathy and embraced the idea of synergy, my reactions changed. I began to listen more, judge less, and respond with patience. Empathy did not mean accepting everything blindly; it meant understanding before reacting. It meant seeing people as human beings, not problems.

Studies in psychology and leadership consistently show that empathy improves communication, reduces conflict, and strengthens relationships, whether in families, schools, or workplaces. Binary thinking - seeing situations as right or wrong, as versus them - often increases misunderstanding and division.

In contrast, empathy encourages curiosity, active listening, and collaboration. In the third alternative, Stephen R. Covey explains that true solutions emerge when we move beyond opposing positions and work in synergy. Rather than defending our opinions, empathy invites us to understand others first, creating space for learning, creativity, and mutual growth. Research and experience alike confirm that when empathy replaces judgement, cooperation becomes possible.

Today, I believe empathy is one of the most powerful tools we have. It allows us to move beyond stereotypes, labels, and assumptions. It helps us build meaningful relationships, manage conflicts peacefully, and grow as individuals.

In a world driven by division and "us versus them" thinking, choosing empathy is a radical act. My hope is that we can all try _ just a little _ to pause, listen, and understand. Because when we do , we don't just change relationships. We change ourselves.

Empathy does not erase differences_it gives them meaning.

Words by Solange