Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

Thank you for being such an inspiration to me. I have become the woman I am today because you have poured your wisdom into me as you made room for me to grow. I have often viewed my personal short comings so negatively that it would prevent me from moving forward in some areas; although, you demonstrated how to handle things gracefully and with humility.

We share such a special bond and I need to share something with you that I hope will not change your perspective of me. I have always tried to make the best decisions for my life no matter the situation. I am not so sure I did the right thing on this one. Mom, remember when I was a junior in college? That was the year I wanted to stay at school for the whole year because I was offered a marketing internship and we decided that would be the best way for me to get my foot in the door? Well, that was not the only reason I wanted to stay at school that year.

During my sophomore and junior years there were a lot of events taking place across campus and I actively participated in a lot of those events. I was able to meet many people some of whom have become my closest friends. Well, I meet a guy by the name of James. He was handsome and witty. He would come to campus on the weekends to see me and just hang out. I had a good feeling about being with him. He made me laugh. I really felt free when I was around him.

We met in January of my sophomore year. We dated heavily through that year. I became pregnant in July, and I decided to give the baby up for adoption. I couldn’t tell you because I was afraid of what you would think of me, and I didn’t want the pressure of being a parent before completing my studies. I also, didn’t want to put any responsibilities on you because of my actions.

Initially, I was taking the internship to stay closer to James and to really become competitive, but I also had to conceal my pregnancy. Remember I decided to stay on campus during the summer to start the internship. If you recall I also didn’t come home for Thanksgiving, Christmas or Spring break because of my new work schedule and taking the accelerated Business Marketing course. I was also attending my prenatal visits and contemplating more about what I was going to do. I often had moments of regret for what I was planning to do.

Before I knew it James was selected to play in the Basketball Champions League Americas (BCLA) and I didn’t want his potential career to suffer, so by October I stopped being available to him. I told him that I was going back home to help with my grandmother and would catch him once he returned. Again, I don’t know if I handled this correctly either, but I tried. He is returning next month and is eager to see me. I am less enthusiastic because of the choices I have made without including him, but I can handle this because I think he will understand.

It’s our son I am concerned about. Mom, every time I think of my baby, my little boy I have an overwhelming need to hold him. I would never want to disrupt his life and make things awkward for him, but I want to love him and raise him myself. I want him to know you and for you to know him. He may be ok, but I know the kind of love that he is missing out on, and I don’t want to live with that on my consciences or die without knowing my son. Can you help me? I don’t know what to do. I know I created this situation, but I need you. I need you to help me get my baby back. He is now 5 years old, and I believe that it is early enough in his life for us to bond and to have a healthy relationship. Will you help me?

Love,

Reen