Natalie Nichole Silvestri
Bio
We are what we believe we are— C. S. Lewis
Stories (29)
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The Dark Night
“The Dark Night of the Soul is a phase of passive purification of the spirit in the mystical development.” “The Black Sun (The Dark Night in Esoteric Tradition) is a Psychological Spiritual Condition &/or Energy we have to go through as part of our development. It is the inward and downward pulling force that brings us to confront our fear and our shadows. We have the choice to heal or remain fragmented and in pain.” — Gigi Young
By Natalie Nichole Silvestri3 years ago in Humans
Betrayal, Part 2.
Betrayal & Shame “Shame, similar to unawareness, and other aspects of Betrayal Blindness, helps preserve necessary relationships. Children need secure and trusting relationships to grow and thrive. Their very sense of self, and emotional stability, depends on it. Betrayal damages that web of relationships on which we all depend. Imagine for a moment the free-fall feeling of betrayal with no comprehension of its source… The confusion & disorientation can’t be understood by young children, so they go into a kind of internal whirling and feeling of craziness. As adults, we can give a name to the events that caused our free fall. Children only whirl, attempting to hold onto anything stable in their world. If there are no other trusting relationships and the betrayal is widespread, children can only find stability only by locating within themselves the badness that happened.” - Jennifer Freyd, Blind to Betrayal
By Natalie Nichole Silvestri3 years ago in Humans
The Birth of A White-Collar Criminal
I always knew something big was off with the world. Always. I remember being a little girl in the kitchen & my mom giving me an empty glass jar with remnants of pasta sauce in it and asking me to throw it away, and I felt the sensation “this is wrong” as I dropped it in the trash can. Seeing homeless people on the street felt wrong. A punishing God felt wrong. “God isn’t like that,” I remember knowing. Everything just seemed weird. It felt like everyone was lying all the time. Nothing made sense to me and no one seemed interested or had any real answers to offer, it was always just “That’s the way it is”. I was always like, “BUT WHY?”. I stayed pretty quiet when I was little because I was so scared but in my teen years, I went into a serious rebellion. I remember the moment, not what happened exactly, but the moment when it clicked for me that no matter what I did, it didn’t make a difference, that I would still be cast as “the bad one” (scapegoat life). My seething anger reached its boiling point. “I’ll show you ‘bad’”, I thought.
By Natalie Nichole Silvestri3 years ago in Humans
Betrayal, Part 1.
I want to start by saying betrayal is a global issue- it hits on so many levels; race, class, education, health care, government, media influence, planetary cycles (we are coming out of a Kali Yuga)… it expands FAR past the parent-child relationship. This essay is a little baby dive into the micro/macro of betrayal. This is part one of a two-part essay.
By Natalie Nichole Silvestri3 years ago in Humans
Cellular Memory
“When your mother’s love is threatening, your body remembers the pain at a molecular level.” — Kelly McDaniel This essay is basically just a compilation of the research I have found that has helped me to understand my earliest years and where my self-destructive behaviors stemmed from.
By Natalie Nichole Silvestri3 years ago in Humans
Mother Hunger
My Original Heartbreak was primitive and profound; No one can break your Heart like your Mother. Trigger Warning: This essay is about the Dark Mother. Be prepared for reading about child abuse. My intention in writing and sharing my experiences is to contribute to the collective efforts to bring light to the truths of motherhood and the devastating effects of traumatized, unsupported mothers in our world.* I want to be very clear that this is not an attack on my mother or my family. This is an honest, creative expression of my own personal life experience. Mothers are still a kind of untouchable subject, but hopefully soon we, as a society, will be able to talk more openly about the struggle of motherhood and offer support to mothers in need. I hope that my work is supportive of our collective evolution.
By Natalie Nichole Silvestri3 years ago in Humans
My Spiritual Awakening &
My first awakening experience was on a road trip with a guy I barely knew. I had just moved back to Dallas, TX, my hometown, and in with my mother, after my life in Los Angeles had completely fallen apart (unpaid parking tickets and traffic violations (thousands of dollars worth) combined with the inability to work a 9-5). A friend of mine’s ex-boyfriend, let’s call him Rob, reached out to me saying he’d heard I was going through a rough time and asked if I would want to join him and his friend on their cross-country road trip. I told him I didn’t want to crash guy’s time but he assured me I was welcome, so I said ok. “We’ll pick you up in two weeks”. Two weeks later he and his friend, let’s call his friend Michael, arrived at my mother's doorstep. I was instantly attracted to Michael. We all made our introductions and then went out for dinner. At this time in my life I was still drinking heavily and my dinner was a few martinis. After dinner we all went back to my mom’s house and went for a swim in the pool. Rob decided he wanted to go back inside leaving Michael and me all alone. Naturally, we got naked and … made love. I don’t remember it (this used to be an extremely common occurrence for me, not remembering the night before when I was drinking) but I do remember waking up with him next to me the next morning and making eggs together. Michael would just drop these random gems, like, while making our morning-after eggs he casually told me, “My dad taught me it’s always best to go slow”. I was, of course, rushing the eggs. Michael was the one who first taught me that “everyone is fighting a major battle. You never know what someone is going through.” He reminded me of my heart. (My time in LA had hardened me and I had become harsh & judgmental.) He was the first person I knew who gave food to homeless people. Growing up I was told that homeless people were “faking it”, and that they were all con artists.
By Natalie Nichole Silvestri3 years ago in Psyche
