ahsan khan

While The World Collapses

My life is yet to be interesting to anyone but myself. Nothing even feels real, all the negative bullshit feelings I experienced growing up were for what? Because now that I think back to the times I constantly felt anxiety, fear, pressure, stress, etc. It doesn’t even feel like I was real. I don’t know how to explain it even on paper. Anne Frank said “Paper has more patience than people.” At the age of 21 I discovered for the first time an interest in writing, more specifically journaling. Yet, at the time I didn’t even know what I was doing was considered journaling because it happened in the most intrinsic way. This creative expression only lasted a few months before it began to wear off, yet I had become so dependent on journaling in order to feel good and okay. Everything around me was collapsing while the inner me was ecstatic. This was a feeling I’ve never felt before! Who can I tell? Oh wait, I forgot I’m a quiet person, let's not tell a soul. My personality type is INFJ. I just learned this recently, before learning this I was so bitter and stuck for the last 4 years, after I had no path or goals or drive. The only thing I wanted to do was write and express myself and help others. Unfortunately, there is no room for that in this reality that I’m living, or have I not been exposed to the correct environment, information, energy? How am I able to tell you the number of times I’ve prayed and asked for help? It worked at times and other times I just felt stuck, It’s a damn loop. Nobody is here to help you through the times you get stuck, but you will always find them at the end of the tunnel where your peace lies. They sit there patiently waiting until you finally reach the end where they then shoot you with their damn opinions. Hey, but if there’s one thing I learned in my journey, it’d be to not let things get you so angry. Because as the late, great Nikola Tesla said, “If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration.” If something makes you angry, that very thing has altered your state of being. You have been disrupted, and now from a high vibrational state you have unknowingly lowered your vibrational state. Become aware of this as I have, and see where it takes you. Last example, many people dislike something too much sometimes, for instance atheists hate the idea of religion (not all of them do of course, this is just something I’ve recurringly noticed), and while having a conversation the other person brings up religion and now the atheists entire inner state is altered due to the word “religion” being the cause for this alteration. After this, they unknowingly blurt out opinions in an annoyed and condescending way. As I get older, I understand the responsibility I have in this world. To share my art with the world, my voice, my ideas. I am the rain pouring onto the rainforest. To bring the energy of my state of being and share it with you. There’s always something going on in the world, however our consciousness is limited. While the world collapses, I sit here and write. While the world collapses, I choose my creative expression.