Recognizing Depersonalization and Derealization.
The losing of the self. True story.
It is said that difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations.
What is omitted from that statement is the feeling of aloneness which the road entails. For no matter how many friends, family and kind, supportive overtures you receive along the way...for which one is eternally grateful...we all suffer alone at the core of it all.
I was made aware that the trauma and life changing situations which I was soon to undergo would cause me nightmares and some form of temporary forgetfulness. True, my nightmares have been explicit and terrifying after my recent medical adventure.
I didn't dream last night, or if I did I do not recall.
But---I awakened this morning and rolled unto my side, looking for someone. But who...or is it whom was I seeking?
As if in a fugue state, quite akin to temporary amnesia, or just plain old brain fog after jolting my brain from the sleep stage to waking-ness, my mind seemed quite confused. I then proceeded to turn my head, actually looking for myself. Then to make matters worse, I sidled over to the side of the bed to see if I had fallen from the bed unto the floor.
Yes, I actually did that. Looked for myself on the floor while half sitting, half leaning from the bed.
The fog began to clear and I realized my faux pas.
What had just happened?
Ok. Feel free to have a good giggle at this. But it all seemed so real, yet so surreal...maybe it is all of the darned pills crossing path with each other. If the meds are confused, just think how they are affecting my entire psyche.
It took me a few seconds to realize that I had awakened as a blank slate, a blank screen that was my mind.
Imagine realizing that I was actually searching for myself. It's bad enough when I search for my glasses while they are on my face, but losing my entire self...that was on a totally different level.
I don't think that I am going kooky or mad! So I am Googling 'name for a condition of waking up and looking for myself beside me or on the floor'. Maybe with different wording...
Lo and behold. Answer:
"Yes, a condition where someone awakens and experiences a sense of searching for themselves, or a detachment from their own identity, is called 'DEPERSONALIZATION-DEREALIZATION DISORDER'."!
Depersonalization and derealization are psychological phenomena characterized by feelings of detachment from oneself and the surrounding environment.
Depersonalization refers to the sensation of being an outside observer of one's thoughts, feelings, or body, often described as feeling disconnected from oneself.
Derealization involves a sense of unreality or detachment from the external world, where surroundings may seem foggy or lifeless.
These experiences can occur as part of depersonalization-derealization disorder, which may last for varying durations and can be triggered by stress, trauma, or anxiety.
Treatment often includes psychotherapy, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy, to help individuals manage and cope with these feelings.
Symptoms
Short experiences of depersonalization or derealization are fairly common. But lasting and returning bouts of these symptoms can cause problems at work or school, or in other important areas of your life. During these bouts, you know that your sense of not being connected to your body or your surroundings are only feelings and not reality.
The experience and feelings of the condition can be hard to describe. Worrying about "going crazy" can cause you to become focused on checking that you exist and finding out what's real.
There you go, I had begun to wonder if I am actually real, and I learned something new along the way.
Medication, stress and permanent changes to my lifestyle is playing havoc with my inner sanctum of the self.
I have introduced new hobbies into the mix. Painting, or rather 'painting', I am no artist, but hey, I am doing it. I shall be learning new artforms at the local library for the summer.
Difficult roads will not deter me from returning to a very close facsimile of myself.
Every day brings its own challenge or victory and new lessons along the way.
I must find, discover and enjoy that beautiful destination.
Thank you to all who have reached out with kind words and more. May you all be blessed.
About the Creator
Novel Allen
You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. (Maya Angelou). Genuine accomplishment is not about financial gain, but about dedicating oneself to activities that bring joy and fulfillment.
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Comments (27)
"Nicely explained!"
Wow! I'm glad you didn't hurt yourself, though! Will look out for these symptoms!
I didn’t know depersonalization was a thing. Fascinating and upsetting all at once. Hope you’re doing okay.
You did an amazing writing here, congratulations on top story ✅🏆💪🎉👏🏼
🎉 Congrats on getting Top Story!!! 🥳 Well deserved and super proud of you! 🙌✨👏
I know the journey you have taken. So many little quirks in life that surprise us. You can make yourself laugh or cry, depending on how you look at life's challenges. Keep up the smiles. Congrats on attitude and T/S.
I've never experienced this. Your story is quite interesting, thank you for sharing, and I hope you get relief in the way you desire. That you can be grounded (if you want to be) and present (if you want that). 💕Congrats on TS!🎉
Very good work, congrats 👏
Dear Novel, thanks for sharing. That’s how we learn and grow. My experience with this had been somewhat different and in various severity. More a feeling of detachment in a dream state in waking life. It (I’m told) is brought on by the brain as a way of protecting itself from what is in front of them, I.e poor health, grief, traumas etc. I too think certain meds bring this symptom on which I’m not certain if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.. thinking of you and warm gooey hugs sent your way novel! haha. 😄
I get paid over $220 per hour working from home with 2 kids at home. I never thought I would be able to do it but my best friend earns over $35,000 a month.. Www.worksprofit7.com
❤️
Nice
This piece is so beautifully introspective and thought-provoking. I really appreciate the way you explore the complexity of self-awareness, trauma, and the surreal experience of depersonalization. The moment where you realize you're searching for yourself, even looking on the floor, is both heartbreaking and profoundly relatable. I admire how you’ve managed to weave a sense of humor into such a difficult and vulnerable experience. The new hobbies you’ve embraced, like painting, show such resilience. You're truly embracing the journey, and your willingness to share these moments is inspiring. Keep going, you're on your way to that beautiful destination!
Recognizing depersonalization and derealization is crucial for understanding certain dissociative experiences, especially when they begin to interfere with daily life.
Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
🫂Hugs, Novlet. Sending healing vibes your way
Wishing you all the best, Novel. I’m so sorry to hear you’re dealing with this, I knew someone once with this disorder and seeing them struggle with identifying their feelings and realities made me see how intense it can be. I know what an impact it can have and how futile things can feel. Sending peace and love ♥️♥️
Thank you for sharing such a profound reflection on your journey. It's striking how you expressed the sense of isolation and confusion that can arise from both external struggles and internal battles, especially when medications and stress collide. The experience of "searching for yourself" really highlights how disorienting life can feel when one's sense of self gets tangled up in both physical and emotional challenges. Depersonalization and derealization can certainly be unsettling, but your ability to approach it with curiosity and self-compassion is inspiring. It’s beautiful how you’ve found solace in painting and learning new art forms, which offer both a creative escape and a path toward reclaiming your sense of self. Your resilience shines through in your words. Indeed, each day brings both challenges and victories, and the beauty often lies in how we continue to move forward, discovering new lessons along the way. Keep embracing the journey with the same openness you've shown here. You’ll undoubtedly find your way back to that beautiful destination, even if it takes time and perseverance.
Your introspection is moving, and your determination in the face of adversity is truly inspiring.
thinking of you and sending positive thoughts and healing energy. thank you for your vulnerability in this article. beautiful work 💙
I hope you are doing OK, Novel! I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with this feeling. :( Thank you for sharing your research about the disorder! I had heard these terms before but never really looked into them. This was helpful to read about your experiences. I hope you feel better soon :( <3
Can relate to this on so many levels. Try explaining to a therapist and they will say you are making it up-my experience. Number one thing is don't blame yourself for anything. You are allowed to feel and take personal time to reflect. this took lots of vulnerability. Manifesting-TOP STORY
Blessings, Novel. And if you can't be well, at least get better. Prayers.
Oh wow, at first it was funnyyyyyy but to think that it's actually a thing, it's not fascinating and scaryyyy. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
Well-wrought! I've experienced these states, induced through various stages of meditation as well as through the trials of life. They can be rather jarring, but I imagine a soul as bright as yours provides a beacon to bring all the errant ships of thought back to Novel Island, so to speak. This is my verbose way of saying: You got this!