Speak Up or Be Misunderstood

When was the last time you had a conversation with a real person, other than at work?

Social skills help you to connect, communicate and build stronger relationships with people.

Communicating face to face without smart phones happen less than it should, with technology slowly taking over our social lives. 

People rely on screens for daily life. 

How many ways can you think of where you use your phone instead of having a real conversation?

I think you'd be surprised at how much you use a screen, but hey, it's 2026 and everyone is using technology these days.

You check the weather and the news first thing in the morning. Fifty years ago, people relied on the local newspaper when it eventually came to the door.

Life was so much simpler (but slower) back then. People communicated to get their needs met. 

Nowadays, we can order anything to be delivered to our front door. 

Want a new kitchen? Sure, you can buy everything online provided you have all the measurements. 

Fancy a takeout for dinner? No problem. You go online and pick your favorite food and order it to be delivered to your door. 

I love my cell phone and yes, I carry one wherever I go, including at work. Teachers communicate both in and outside class to keep students safe. It's a great tool to safeguard vulnerable students who have cut class. 

I'm sure you use your cell at work too.

Talking to each other in real conversations where you voice your feelings is a skill that many ignore. In a world where everything is delivered at a push of a few keys, people give up far too easily. 

A trauma survivor can often be lost in the system between phones and people. Sometimes it's impossible to communicate how we feel about something, and we push it away. 

Some conversations are not fit for your cell phone. They need a human touch.

Trauma survivors don't always know how to feel, but we sure as hell (pardon my language) feel it in our bodies because our bodies absorb everything. (Whether we like it or not).

Then these "non-feelings" manifest in headaches, stomach upsets, tension, etc. The problem is that those feelings that are pushed aside will never go away completely, and they have a way of showing up when you least expect them to. 

I don't know about you, but I want to be seen for who I am. The real me. I don't want to pretend that I'm fine when I'm not. I'm sick of pretending and be silent.

I'm a trauma survivor, and I'm not ashamed to say it out loud. My experiences with trauma can help so many who are struggling every single day. 

Do you feel the same? Do you want to be seen too?

If you want to be seen for who you are, you need to speak up. You need to tell people how you feel each day. 

If you ignore the need to communicate how you feel, those feelings can become cooped up inside your body just like a pressure cooker uses pressure from steam to cook food. 

Eventually, you need to let that "pressure" out before you burst. Your feelings become an embarrassing "oil spill" of emotions wherever you happen to be. Trust me, it always happens in the worst possible place. 

Sometimes, you just need to let the "pressure out."

I'm a trauma survivor, and even after years of therapy, I still have days when I am triggered. 

Trauma triggers are everywhere and can pop up when you least expect them and cause havoc in your life. 

When it happens, the last thing you want to do is to talk about it. I know, this is messed up,right? 

Keeping complicated feelings inside is the worst thing you can do. As a trauma survivor, I learned to keep my business to myself because nobody listens anyway, right? 

That is the way I saw my world as a child, and I know many survivors feel the same. It is extremely hard to get out of that learned behavior. 

Everything is almost certainly NOT FINE all the time, and people should hear it. Our voices do matter. 

You matter.

But if you don't speak up how you really feel, people will never know or understand you. 

People, in general, are desensitized by triggering events because they happen all the time. The news is riddled with bad events, people having arguments, and general conflict. 

This has become normal. 

It should not be normal that our wonderful world has so much conflict, causing billions of people to live in fear and anxiety. 

Yet, here we are, and survivors often get lost in the maelstrom as we move through life. 

You cannot change the whole world, but you can change your immediate world, and the people you see every day, by speaking up. 

All those little stressors of every day that cause you to be triggered are like little darts being shot at you from all directions. 

One or two darts don't hurt that much, but more than that, and they sure start to hurt more, right?

How do you break the habit of a lifetime and tell people how you feel? You ask me. 

Well, it is not easy to do, and my advice is to practice. Use the bathroom mirror once you have calmed down from your trigger and say to yourself: 

"I matter, and my voice matters. This is how I feel…. "I'm not okay."

Practice what you are going to say to the person who triggered you. Share something small about yourself that you might not be certain that you want them to know. I think you will be surprised at the reaction you get. Most people are clueless about how trauma affects people. 

I will give you an example of how I shared something about myself that I didn't feel comfortable sharing, but I'm now happy that I did. 

A few years ago, two of my colleagues were always bickering about stuff, and sometimes, they would use colorful language. The way they spoke to each other upset me, so I told them. 

"I really don't like the way you speak to XXXXXXXXXX; it makes me uncomfortable." 

Both had no idea how I felt, and the two of them made peace, at least when I was around.

One weekend, I had to speak up and tell another mom that I did not like the words she used to speak to her son at football practice and that it was upsetting to me and my kids. It made that mom think about her words and she is now much kinder (and calmer) with her son and my ears.

A third example is when I tell people that "I am allergic to cream." This is not exactly true, but as close to the truth as I am comfortable to share. 

I cannot eat cream without feeling physically sick to my stomach because of what happened to me as a child. I do not share those details because it is too personal. By sharing that I'm allergic to cream, people will understand that I react to it in some way, which is true.

By speaking up and telling others how you feel about something can be a game changer. 

Communication is vital for our emotional well-being. It's not just about talking but also listening, having empathy for someone and your body language. 

Don't overshare too soon, or stay silent. Build on your conversations and grow your rapport with someone step by step. You test the waters in this way so that you know that the person you trust with a trauma trigger is going to be supportive.

Stay calm during problems when you encounter them. It's much easier to solve conflicts when you are relaxed and clear-headed. 

If you need a moment before you speak, then take it.

You can learn to communicate your feelings. Start small, practice and build trust.

I believe in you.

My name is Lizzy. I'm a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

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