Omega & Alpha

ΩMEGA

It came like an unexpected breath of relief, the end

All that time under the mask without hope or voice

Years of shame, spirals of guilt and disgust at my brokenness

How could I think the things I thought and be right?

Always told ‘boys don’t do that’, and worse, ‘that’s a sin’

So away, away I put myself, like memories in a lost photo album

Hidden and crushed into the very smallest atoms of truth

Nothing but a grain of sand in the ocean of fear and self hate

While I lived, but never really, never truly was I … alive

But like a single grain of sand irritates an oyster from inside

Biding time, with feelings scratching and flickering thoughts

Like the internal formed beauty of slimy molluscs pearl

Something shone inside, flinging and beating on the cage

Until that one singular life altering moment … the first crack

One small fissure is enough to crumble the mightiest of walls

That was the end’s beginning, something new now … unstoppable

The end of one half-lived life, the moment had come … my Omega

ΑLPHA

Bright bursting light floods me! It warms

Some strange new feeling from deep beneath

Is it? Could it be? Is this warmth … hope?

As if scales fell away from my eyes, I can see

The mask, armour that once hid and protected, gone

There is no guilt, no more spiralling in doubt and shame

I was never broken, never wrong, I was just not yet me

My mere existence, not a sin as I was told for so long

The light of living life almost too blinding at first

A joy never known in simply … being, a life now restored

Finding myself, an adventure to undertake with love

Growing closer to my maker, knowing I was never beyond reach

Discovering who I am, a name that fits like tailored suit … no, dress

A long, hard journey to be sure, with many steps and trials

Reflections in the mirror seeming unblurred, real and true

What’s that there? Something in the eyes not there before

Life and joy shine in them now, looking forward, whatever next

Each step, each day, more its own beginning … my Alpha