If Only I Ran Faster (Con't)

To read the first part of this story click here.

I was told that I would never be enough for her. A mere attendant. A maid. A commoner.

Yet I was her protector until my very last breath. I swore it every time I held her fragile body and whispered care in her ear. In my "I love yous" and "I'll never leave yous".

Some in the castle didn't mind our closeness. Others minded aggressively. And sadly, as always, they were the ones with much more power and persuasion in the court. That's how the idea of a marriage of alliance was introduced. By her own uncle, naturally.

~

Princess Astala was too perfect a match. A powerful family, and an even more stable kingdom ready to be gifted down to her. And she was stunning. It was selfish of me to hold the Queen back from such an opportunity for her kingdom and future.

When I told her that, she locked me out of her chambers for three nights. Swore she would fire me. Lashed out that I didn't love her.

But how could I have made her understand that I was smashing my own heart for her. That I would always do anything to give her the world. I loved her with every fiber of my being. I'd always do what was best for her, even if it meant I had to fade away.

She rebelled against that decision endlessly. Sneaking into my old living chambers in the middle of the night with nothing beneath her travel cloak. She'd fake ailments and injuries just to get me running to her side. And yet, I knew that we could never truly be together. It wouldn't be fair.

~

One night, after a particular bout of back and forth regarding me coming back with her to her chambers for "practice for marriage", I snapped.

"We can't do that anymore. I don't want to. I don't love you anymore!"

My once-tightly grasped hand was immediately dropped. The air in the room chilled and the sudden silence was deafening.

"Oh."

I stared down hard at my feet. My bare, rough, unperfect feet. I knew that our separation would be inevitable sooner or later. I would never be enough for her. She deserved better.

Queen Odea nodded and turned to leave. "Tell me to stay..." She whispered into the wooden door, hoping, praying- for that one word.

I said nothing.

She left.

I didn't see her again for days. And then it was too late.

~

The guards were useless, and so was her too nonchalant uncle. How could no one have seen where she'd gone to?

Had she really left me all alone? And was it all my fault?

Endless questions and anxieties burned in my mind as I tried my best to remain composed in front of others. Discussions behind closed doors happened without me. Fear and anger seeped into the air. Someone would have to take the blame. Someone would have to take over. So many two-faced people and conversations.

The tense silence that accompanied it all was unbearable. It only amplified my overwhelming heartbeat; I could feel it throbbing in my ears. I felt beyond helpless, yet I couldn't do nothing. I had to find her.

And so, the river ran backwards the day the queen vanished. It was a feeble attempt to reverse time or at least try to see if she had tragically floated down, yet it was useless. She was gone. And it shattered me completely.