With Malice Toward All

Can you believe I lost to this effing guy?

Yeah, neither can I

How ‘bout we make that the lie?

And invent our own truth

I been doin’ it since my youth

Moral constraints

Are a pain in my taint

And higher up, too

Like, where I sit on the loo

//\\

Can you believe I beat that competent lady?

Biggest upset since Miracle on Ice, 1980

And it looks like I did nothing shady

But we know, Roy

Don’t we old boy?

It ain’t no fun

If you outright won

You gotta really cheat

And give the loser some crow to eat

//\\

Rub it in their face

Call them a disgrace

//\\

If you’re caught in a lie

Deny, deny, deny

//\\

When presented with the facts

Attack, attack, attack

//\\

When they look you in the eyes

'Cuz they know about your lies

Never ever ever ever ever ever

Ever ever ever ever ever ever

Ever ever ever ever ever ever

Apologize

//\\

Instead hypnotize

The believers

Call the other side

Deceivers

And worse

A whole lot worse

Make correctly pronouncing their names

An anti-American

Anti-godlike

Curse

//\\

And when you know not a thing

Grab the bullhorn and just sing:

//\\

This is the most beautiful thing

In the history of things

Nobody’s ever seen an incredible thing

Like this thing

Believe me, I know things

Oh, you wanna kiss the ring?

Put my name on that thing

And let nice words ring

About me and

My beautiful bill

My beautiful buil(dings)

All my other stuff

Ok, that’s enough

No, it’s not

Keep going

I’m jerking my thumb toward you, can you see?

I like this guy

He says nice things about me

He needs to be the next Secretary…

Of

You Name It

Qualification enough

Really good stuff

//\\

Ok, let’s stop going on about you

Here’s what you can do:

Tell me more about me…

//\\

Can you believe I’m still in charge?

Anyone else would be a criminal at large

But we just put all my crimes on a barge

And shipped them to the Gulf I renamed

To prove to the world I have no shame

I’m sorry I assaulted E. Jean Carroll

Oh, look! The Constitution is in peril

I gotta go ask Stephen and Russell

Where I should put some bigoted, hating, untrained muscle

//\\

Can you believe how great America is?

There’s nowhere left I’ve not taken a whiz

//\\

We’re making it great

We’re spreading the hate

My heart palpitates

For 2028

//\\

There’s only one thing left to be decided:

Anyone else that needs to be derided?

//\\

And how much longer until we’re completely divided?

=================================================

"With malice toward none; with charity for all

Abraham Lincoln

--March 4, 1865 Inaugural Address