The Line Between

I have a habit of seeing what I want, instead of seeing what I should.

I tell myself I'm here for love and for their own good.

At the beginning, it's passionate ensued in fire,

I never understood the line between true love and lustful desire.

I wondered why love never worked out

and why in the end I was the only one who couldn't live without.

The minute I gave up on love,

and lived my life under a mask and glove,

a strange call came in,

from a voice and face I never meant to let in.

He appeared on the screen,

and as if I was looking in the mirror, I had seen,

his face so familiar and his eyes so clean.

Why could I feel his touch over scars that should have been?

This was the first time we've talked

and yet through the future we've walked.

I didn't feel a fire, that spewed in desire.

This was different than the usual assassin for hire.

The ones before him, led me to destitution.

I became a game for free prostitution.

Men have held my heart hostage for their own gain.

Eventually, my pleasure became the pain.

It's as if my eyes were saying, "Don't look at me!"

as yours responded, "Out of love have I drawn thee."

I was scared of him because I doubted and began to believe,

that he'd find what he wanted and then leave.

I wanted him to stay

and yet I put on a face of indifference to say,

"Please, go away."

I knew he was good for me

and that's all the reasons I needed to flee.

But his gaze didn't lessen,

for fate would have me learn this lesson.

It was supposed to be...you wear your mask and I wear mine

as we distance each other trying not to catch what could change our mind.

Yet, instead of a whore,

he saw me for more.

Why did this scare me,

when love is sent to redeem us, clearly.

People talk about experiencing love at first sight,

when their love is obstructed by the absence of light.

I thought I had been in love before,

was it love at first sight or love at first whore?

I didn't want you to smile at me and yet you did.

I wanted to enjoy smiling back yet my fear screamed, to forbid.

On my left arm, I tattooed a warning, "If you must take, take care of me.".

Because everyone I've loved charged a fee for a trial that was meant to be free.

Yet here he was, still on the phone with me and without warning,

I was his so completely, I was done with ignoring.

I lowered my mask and breathed in the gap.

I had been wandering this whole time without a map.

This true love at first sight lasted more than the night.

He's still here close to my breath and always in my sight.

If one day, I wake up to find his eyes forever shut in the morning,

I'll say our inside joke out loud, "I'm going whoring.".