I cannot get out of bed
I cannot get out of bed. I am able-bodied and breathing and I cannot get out of bed. I let the weight of the blanket sink me further into my mattress and start to involuntarily hold my breath. I am perfectly healthy, and yet something chemical in my brain has started to weaken my bones. I am absurdly aware of everything around me. I am also absurdly aware of what people like to refer to this feeling as. I do not want to be condemned to a life of therapy and countless bottles of pills, but I cannot get out of bed. The ceiling fan is on high speed, and I can see the day wasting away outside of my window. I can hear dogs barking and children scream-laughing all the way from my third story apartment. I imagine the lives all of these people are living; I wonder if the dogs are getting tired out in the sweltering summer heat, if the children are anxiously anticipating the start of school, if there are other people in this apartment building, who like me, cannot get out of bed. Everything around me stops for a moment, and I use this time to refocus my breathing. As the air fills my lungs, I realize my legs have gone numb. I also realize that if I do not leave this bed soon, I may never leave. That idea instills a terror in me I cannot describe. Suddenly, I have a thought that charges at me with immediate force: "You cannot stay like this." I use that little source of motivation to move my feet around in circular motions. I feel my legs regaining circulation, and know that this cannot be my reality forever, that if I ever want to be one of those people outside, walking my dog and soaking in the heat and scream-laughing, I have to move; quickly, before the chemical imbalance convinces me otherwise. With every force of strength inside of me, I stand up. The act of standing on my own two feet: so simple, and yet I am almost brought to tears. I got out of bed. I got out of bed.
Comments (20)
The contrast between light and the fear of darkness is beautifully expressed.
A frightfully well done haiku by any standard!! Congrats on getting honourable mention last week, Lamar!!
l-bud ~ Well another new face for you to cover. I can't even say nyctophobia three times really fast - or (1) time for that matter..! j.bud
Wooohooooo congratulations on your Leaderboard placement! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Ooh I used to have this as a child. Well expressed!
I used to have that phobia. I needed a night light at night, not anymore. Can you imagine a person having fear of closing their eyes. Thats some sleepless night.
I felt like this was fear generally, but ultimately, the dark here stands for death for me.
Excellent work, Lamar! I've overcome my fear of the dark, but it took a lot of work.
Well-wrought!
Bravo! Well done.
Extraordinary. You keep this creative streak up and your sure to find your way back to the winner’s circle, Lamar!
A new fear to add to my collection. And one of those fears that just grows as I get older, for other reasons
Now I wonder if nyctophobics get scared when they close their eyes 🤔🤔🤔
New word to me, Lamar, thanks for sharing and for putting it so poetically. I sometimes fear to close my eyes lest it should be for the final time. Though so far it never has LOL
Its very sad when someone has such fear. Nicely done.
I suffer slight nyctophobia. Got to have a small light on! A cool one!
I was just thinking this while watching a horror movie. Monsters are scary but the dark is always worse. You know what to expect when you can see things. The unexpected is the most terrifying thing. Great one here! Truly scary in my opinion!!
Thanks for teaching me a new word!
Very Well done! Go Lamar! 💪🏾
A friend submitting some last minute haikus!! Love this one - great vocab word, introduced through a clever, chilling haiku. :)