No, actually, I don't like sports

I see the look on your face; it says it all.

But I don’t like a game with a bat and a ball.

I don’t care who’s scored the most runs,

And I really don’t care if you think I’m not fun.

There are games where grown men tackle and throw,

If it's on at your house, I’ll find a reason not to go.

Whatever the tournament, match, or game,

It’s not what I like; it’s really quite lame.

Monday mornings at work, people ask did I see,

That awesome display of agility.

No, I was out with my daughter and wife,

That’s what I think of as having a life.

When it comes to some art you won’t drive down the street,

But you’ll fly to Vegas to watch your team get beat?

Maybe I’m the one who has the issue,

So, excuse me while I go get a tissue.

I’ve kept it inside as long as I can,

Sorry, my friend, I’m not a sports fan.

We can talk about movies, TV, or Lego,

We can go and walk around a classic car show.

If sport is your thing, that’s great for you,

But to me, it’s just one big pile of poo.

If a show about not liking sports was airing,

I’d be featured as the World Champion of not caring.

You’re still my good friend, I love you, it’s true,

I just won’t barrack for the team in red, or green, or blue.

I’m not switching on to watch men in short shorts,

I’ll say it again, I do not like sports.

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