I Want to Make You Cry

I want to make you cry

To make you feel pain

To embarrass you

I want you to regret what you did

It hurt me, the things you said

No one should hurt someone the way you did

It was nasty and vulgar and painful

And it was not deserved

That it was directed at someone you claim to love is heartbreaking

I want to yell

To tell you exactly what I think at this moment

You are nasty and selfish and ignorant

You are ungrateful and confused

Yes, you have a disability, a limitation

That does not make you less than, it makes you different

It does not give you the right to take your frustrations out on others

It does not give you the right to be hateful and vulgar

You let your emotions and your ignorance take over

You are mad that you don’t understand certain things

You’re frustrated that you have no control over your disability

You think others are trying to control you

I try to be understanding and patient

I work with you, next to you

I encourage you and am proud of you

I love you

But you don’t understand what it’s like to always have to be patient with you

To have to explain the same things to you over and over

You are exhausting and frustrating and really annoying sometimes

And you don’t, you can’t, understand how challenging it is to be with you

I want to say all these things to you

I want to yell hurtful words to your face

I want you make you cry

To feel how painful it is when someone you love intentionally hurts you

But I can never say those words to you

Not because I’m the better person

I can be mean

I can be resentful

But I can never say those words to you

Because you wouldn’t understand them

You would be hurt by my words, certainly

But you wouldn’t understand where my words come from

One of your limitations is a lack of understanding how your actions impact others

Everything is always about you and how others try to control you or put you down

And if I told you all the things I want to right now, you would only think about how hurt you feel

You have no comprehension of how you hurt others

And it’s not fair to any of us

I can’t reciprocate the hurt you caused

Or explain my feelings and frustrations to you

Because then you would think worse of me than you already do

Voicing my thoughts would make me the bad guy

It would make the situation worse

So I am forced to bottle my emotions and my words

And you are forced to live in a world with a limited understanding of how it works

We both lose