“I'm Ready For My Close -Up Mr. DeMille, Or Should I Say, Rock

***

I have come to the realization that hesitation serves me like a switchblade to the jugular

proving to be fantastically skilled at creating beautifully poetic censorship

all the while, succeeding only in making small fragmented promises that it can never deliver

hopelessly broken, bloody wishes

ones that carve quickly and thoroughly through the tender flesh of naivety

where what is left of my heart has been pieced together with the sticky substance left behind from the words I spew

a mosaic masterpiece and battered survivor of atrophy

bravely and brutally fighting to find its wings and voice, with ragged breath, setting its own beat and rhythm

finally free from the fucking weight of obligation and correctness that is conscience

with fingers raw and crossed, I scrawl pleasantries that listening ears beg to hear and my soul tries to embody, morphing into something that I barely recognize

the part of me that is acceptable, presentable - the part you might like

but not the whole of me

not the dark, twisted and cynical keeper of the keyboard

the part that was dissected at birth and marked as a pleaser

the calmer of fear, guardian of peace and gatherer of pain, all while wearing a smile

no, she is unleashed only as a last resort

well, this is it...

welcome to the season of clarity

where you will be presented with the truth, not a watered down version of what you want to hear

smiles will be saved for appropriate moments, not as a mask to soothe ego, moods or bellyachers

words will be used to convey moments of pleasure, beauty, humor and love but no longer to fit and fill a mold

we were created to create, so let's get to it

fuck the fake

I'm ready for my close-up

**

This iconic line, "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up," is spoken by the delusional actress Norma Desmond (played by Gloria Swanson) in the final scene of the 1950 film noir classic Sunset Boulevard. Directed by Billy Wilder, the scene depicts a mentally broken Desmond, who mistakenly believes news cameras documenting her arrest for murder are actually filming a movie for director Cecil B. DeMille.

You can watch the iconic final scene of Sunset Boulevard in this video: