Forged in Obscurity

Faithfulness is hammered quiet,

integrity born where no hands clap.

Did I drink too deeply

from the well of admiration?

Pride rising like a wave

before the break I swore I’d learned from.

Again.

Again.

It took one bright, untested woman

to unmake me.

Her insight shallow,

her certainty practical,

her praise a warm light

I chased like a starving thing.

I wanted her eyes on me

more than the love already mine.

She filled the gaps left open

by the one closest to my heart,

so I split myself in two.

The darker half won.

No longer fed by respect,

I craved her devotion only.

I bent myself into a shape

I mistook for my true self:

a man who reached with taking hands,

who traded honesty for desire.

She became the fly in my ointment,

the stain on the name I once guarded.

I fell from abundance

to the cold hush of having nothing.

And in that hush,

without applause,

I found the roots of integrity.

In the unseen places,

I forged my faith again.

I no longer reach for her attention.

What I want now

is God’s intervention.