embodied

Fleeing the earth while the whimsical between us grounds me

Your hand pulling me close

Secrets for me to keep

You can never fully know

All I want, I'll never mutter

For the only reason I know I'm on earth is the pain

Physical, emotional, and all the rest

My body is overtaken in the nastiest way

Prohibited from going about my day

Before my feet hit the floor, she's screaming

Flames down my spine

Pounding in my eardrum

Nerves surging with fireworks

My hand, a pulsing, hot, dead weight

My lips search for your skin

I have to feel it on them, and in between my teeth

For temporary elatedness is the only relief

So I became addicted to you

So I can leave this place

This place of pain

As long as you don't hurt me too

I can only deal with one issue

You'd rise to the top of the list if I had to prioritize the 1,000

And so it goes

Another year

Small changes

A rutter not easily redirected

Another night with you

A morning of escape, but this time she stays

My brain keeping me close to reality

Why won't she let me leave?

She wants me aligned and you're missing the proper edges

To fit into the puzzle I designed

The image a draft

A final with you will never be created

But that only means one thing

A first copy always gets an edit

I'm on the fifth

Some things get to stay

Traveling from chapter to chapter, remaining in the base

Primary characters in the story of my complicated realm

Unlearning a foundation from a former life

Rebuilding my desired existence

Dreams spilling over the box of ideas in the closet in my head

Resembling the one I stared at for 18 years

There have been 7 others, but the longevity imprinted forever

Drawings on the wall and keepsakes of old

Mistakes made, learning how to be human

Darkness in the awakening, loneliness at the core

Exploring the world, and depression from knowing too much

Joys hidden from the opportunity to critique

Now, fully formed

Reframing the future

Needs blaring loudly

As the sun still rises

Another day singing her song

She doesn't wait for me to join, but she harmonizes when I do

Let's me take the lead

Reminds me that any guilt is from me

She won't pressure or push

The seasons marching along will show me

And the rest lies in my hands

The hands I can't hold still

The hands I cherish more each day

With the fingers that allow the flow from my mind

To free my soul

Remove the chains wrapped around my brain

Stopping the endless running on the wheel

Maybe one day, I will rest for real

No pain or tiredness

Afraid to dream too far off, as I know it’ll be without you

Living in a portion of the world I imagined, reality beckons as the clock races on

The gold I am tasting will not always stay

A part of life unfair and bittersweet

As the goodbyes become routine, hellos are a portal to possibility

Asking for reasons with no answer in sight

Just a call to hold my will and honor the only vessel of my life

From there, purpose blossoms, abundance spilling over

And as the second hand continues its intention

So does every cell within me

Fighting, protecting, or dying

Intricate marching forward towards my destiny

Never skipping a beat unless my brain tells her to

Or if I’m lying with you