Messages I Never Sent to My Best Friend Who Disappeared”
Messages I Never Sent to My Best Friend Who Disappeared
Draft — Text Message
Not Sent — May 3, 11:42 PM
Hey.
You left your hoodie in my car again. The blue one you pretend is mine but we both know it isn’t.
You still owe me coffee for last week.
Also… you forgot to say goodbye.
Draft — Email
Not Sent — May 5, 2:08 AM
Subject: This is Probably Nothing
I keep telling myself you just needed space.
People take breaks. People disappear for a few days. People turn off their phones and ignore everyone.
But you didn’t take your charger.
Or your sketchbook.
Or your stupid lucky coin you carry everywhere.
I checked with your sister. She thought you were with me.
You always told me if you ever vanished, it would be because you finally ran away to start over somewhere new.
You said you’d send me a postcard.
I check the mailbox every day now.
Just in case.
Draft — Text Message
Not Sent — May 7, 6:17 PM
I went to our pizza place today.
They asked where you were.
I said you were busy.
I almost said “missing.”
But that word feels like admitting something is broken forever.
Draft — Notes App Entry
Not Sent — May 10, 1:03 AM
I had a dream you were knocking on my door.
You looked normal. Calm. Like nothing happened.
You said, “You weren’t supposed to notice I was gone.”
Then I woke up and checked my phone.
Nothing.
Draft — Text Message
Not Sent — May 14, 3:55 PM
Do you remember when we got lost on that road trip and ended up three towns away from where we planned?
You said, “Getting lost just means you found somewhere new.”
I hate that sentence now.
I hate it because you’re somewhere new.
And I’m still here.
Draft — Email
Not Sent — May 18, 11:49 PM
Subject: I’m Starting to Forget Your Voice
I listened to the last voice note you sent me today.
You were laughing about something dumb — I think I made a joke about your haircut.
I played it six times.
On the seventh time, I realized I was memorizing it.
Is this how people fade?
Not all at once.
Just… little pieces at a time?
Draft — Text Message
Not Sent — May 21, 8:22 PM
Someone sat in your seat today.
I almost told them to move.
Draft — Email
Not Sent — May 25, 4:01 AM
Subject: I Think Something Is Wrong
Your social media hasn’t updated.
Your bank card hasn’t been used.
Your landlord says your rent is still paid for three more months.
Who plans rent if they’re leaving forever?
Did you know?
Did you plan this?
Or did something happen to you on an ordinary Tuesday while the rest of us were worrying about nothing important?
Draft — Text Message
Not Sent — June 2, 12:09 AM
I’m angry at you.
I need you to know that.
You don’t get to just disappear and leave me holding all our memories by myself.
That’s not fair.
You promised we’d grow old and complain about everything together.
You promised.
Draft — Notes App Entry
Not Sent — June 9, 2:44 AM
I finally washed your hoodie.
It doesn’t smell like you anymore.
I cried while putting it in the dryer.
Which feels ridiculous.
Crying over laundry.
But it felt like erasing proof you were real.
Draft — Email
Not Sent — June 16, 9:30 PM
Subject: If You’re Out There
If you left because you were hurting and didn’t know how to say it…
I wish you had told me.
If you left because you were scared…
I would’ve been scared with you.
If you left because you thought you were a burden…
You were the reason half my best memories exist.
Draft — Text Message
Not Sent — June 20, 5:51 PM
I saw someone who looked like you today.
I followed them for half a block before I realized it wasn’t you.
I’ve never felt more relieved and more disappointed at the same time.
Draft — Email
Not Sent — July 1, 1:15 AM
Subject: I’m Learning How to Live Around the Hole
People say time heals things.
I don’t think it heals.
I think it just teaches you how to carry broken pieces without dropping them.
I laugh sometimes now.
I go out.
I tell stories.
But every good moment has this quiet echo:
“You should be here.”
Draft — Text Message
Not Sent — July 14, 10:02 PM
I kept your birthday saved in my calendar.
I don’t know if I should delete it.
Draft — Notes App Entry
Not Sent — August 3, 3:12 AM
If you come back —
I won’t ask where you went.
I won’t ask why you left.
I’ll just say:
“You’re late. I ordered pizza already.”
Draft — Email
Not Sent — August 18, 11:59 PM
Subject: The Truth I Never Say Out Loud
I’m scared one day I’ll wake up and you’ll just be a story I tell people.
“Yeah, I had this best friend once.”
I don’t want you to become past tense.
Draft — Text Message
Not Sent — September 1, 7:07 PM
Hey.
I’m still here.
In case you were wondering.
Draft — Final Message
Not Sent — September 15, 12:00 AM
If you’re alive — I hope you’re safe.
If you’re lost — I hope you’re found.
If you’re hurting — I hope someone is sitting beside you the way you used to sit beside me.
And if somehow, somewhere, you can feel this —
You didn’t disappear from my life.
You just became the silence I talk to when things get hard.
I miss you.
Every ordinary day.
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