Yellow

Once upon a time my biggest fear was being influenced by anyone at all. The saying about being yourself because there’s no one better to be, though true, must’ve sunk a little too far into my mind – maybe boiled pieces of it here and there while it was at it. Overnight, I randomly believed that I was one for myself, expected to take on a journey without anybody by my side in order to reach the dreams I aspired to live within in reality. For better or for worse, the influence of anybody was something I was better off avoiding if anything was going to work out for me.

And to an extent, I had reason to be afraid. Every single one of us will come across people who will not support us regardless of what we do, and that might not stop at the statement that they’re not going to hold our hand as we head down the path that we wish to. They might try to sabotage us too. They’ll do whatever they can to trip us, trap us or barricade us with hardships that we don’t deserve to go through. We might put this attitude on ourselves, and experience burn out.

I know that I’ve been in all of those scenarios myself. I’m a writer. I love writing, and honestly, even if I never make it enough that I can turn it into a career, I love every chance that I have to do it, and I don’t care to work so-called average jobs as long as I get the chance to do that. Many people in my life define success within the parameters of a high paying job, and it is possible that according to their standards I might not ever be successful, but I can be successful by my own means, and happy with myself. After all, it is me who is living this life. Nobody else can step in and do it for me.

These are the very “influences” where my fear proved true. People don’t deserve to decide on our behalf. We have every right, and in fact, should, avoid the toxic people who belittle us.

The thing is, there’s good people in this world too, and this is why the power of influence is a gift that we should at least keep the door open a crack to. There are ones that will cheer us onward, according to whatever choices we might make and who will support whatever we do. There are people who might be ahead of us on a similar pathway that stop for a moment to give us splendid, touching advice, and there may be people who have made it to where we want to be, who don’t even know who we are, but who share their masterpieces with the world so that we can learn from them and continue to dream or soar high – people that keep us motivated.

These people deserve our attention, and goodness goes both ways. We create a little community that applauds us when we feel like giving up or when we feel that pain of letting go of our passion, even though it may be the only thing we’ve ever known. As funny sounding as it may come off, the writing world specifically, continues to expand. People won’t see anything the same, but that’s only a cause for complaint if we allow it to be. As long as we’ve been here, there’s always more to learn. Yellow to someone could mean joy and brightness, but to another a remembrance of police tape, crime scenes, caution and warning. We are able to adapt and understand how more people see the world. That can be what powers us on, allowing us to grow in change.

This can literally be anywhere. In the media, by our next door neighbor, by our sibling, our cousin, our friend. Once for me, it was a lyric from Hamilton’s “Wait For It”, when it said it’s popular line, “death doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints”. Of course, we should always try to be the best sort of person that we can be, but in the end it’s the same for all of us. While we're alive, breathing and our heart is beating, we should be doing what we want to be doing. Life is short, and we can’t waste our time on what other people want for us or what other people missed out on.

Balance is the key. Balance is what saves us and keeps us sane.